family member is dying need some info

**ontariogirl** · 03-18-2006, 01:00 PM

My Grandmother is dying from Alzheimer’s. She has had this horrible disease for 10 years. Last time I saw her was a year ago. She is in a home that deals with Alzheimer’s. She is an hour and a half away and my mother asked me to go with her because she isn’t doing well and she wanted to know what I think, since I worked in nursing homes and basically know what to look for. I was more nervous about the drive but I did it. When I walked in her room I was shocked to see her look the way she does. She may weigh 50 pounds, her cheeks are sunken in she has deterioted so much. She is in the final stage. She hasn’t drank anything in 3 days. The nurse took us in another room and said that that she is in a semi-coma state, if we see any signs of her being in pain to tell her, they will start administrating morphine to her and when they start doing that she will die in a matter of days. She is already showing signs of death coming.
Has anyone experienced a loved one dying from this disease? When they stopped drinking how long was it until they passed? I am usually a strong person when it comes to people dying from diseases but with this one it is effecting me so bad. I wasn’t close to my grandma since she lived away from us, I don’t know how to explain how I am feeling I am at a loss for words.

**crimgoddess** · 03-18-2006, 01:17 PM

Hey OntarioGirl-

First off, sorry about your grandmother- my grandmother's sister recently passed away from Alzheimer's, and it's a really hard thing to see.

As for how long she has- I asked my boyfriend (he's a nurse in the ICU) as to how long someone in a semi-comatose state who has stopped drinking will hang on- and he says it really can vary. She could have anywhere from hours, days, weeks, or months. He says it depends on her physiological status, age, and any underlying illnesses or diseases she may have.

I hope she holds on long enough for your family to say their goodbyes and that she is in no pain.

*amber*

**hayleyw** · 03-18-2006, 01:22 PM

im sooo sorry, ontariogirl

I dont know anything about Alzheimer's but i know what it's like to lose a family member. Sorry I can't be of more help, but if there is anything elseI can do for you, please let me know.

good luck and feel better!

-hayley xox

**ontariogirl** · 03-18-2006, 01:24 PM

Thankyou, She is 93, she doesn't communicate at all, she hasn't done that for about 3 months.
She doesn't move there is nothing. They would turn her over to change her diaper and nothing, there is no pee nothing. The disease has taken over her brain. There is nothing to her at all. Could you please ask your boyfriend why the morphine would make her pass away more quickly that is what the nurse said?
Thanks

**futuredr** · 03-18-2006, 01:37 PM

Morphine depresses the respiratory system so that's probably what the nurse meant when she said it would make her pass more quickly. It will probably make her more comfortable, certainly.

Can't be sure how long it will take, if she isn't drinking water though it probably isn't long (though are they giving her IV fluids?)..

Anyway, I hope that it all happens peacefully. Take care. x

**happyteacher** · 03-18-2006, 02:27 PM

ontariogirl,

My Oma (grandma in German) died of Alzheimer's Disease in 1996 at 81. When she stopped drinking it took about 5 days for her body to shut down. The thing is in the semi coma state they go into, they don't feel anything or know what is happening to them, thankfully.

Alzheimer's is an awful disease and I hated what it did to her. She went from this remarkable young woman who watched her husband get killed by Partisans,ran in the night with her 3 young children ( my Dad was 2) from their home in Yugoslavia with only the clothes on her back toa shadow of herself. If she could have been aware of what she has like when things gotbad, she wouldn't have wanted to livelike that. In a way, I was relieved that the suffering was over.

happyteacher

**emily7** · 03-18-2006, 02:38 PM

my bosses father dies from hs disease and the same signs were present befre his passing. it was a matter of about 5-7 days, but he was a very strong, big man . he was about 6'4 and justa tough old marine. i am so sorry for what u are going thru and take comfort in the fact that her pain may be minimal. you are in my thoughts and prayers

**ontariogirl** · 03-18-2006, 02:46 PM

Thanks to you all.
futuredr they are not giving her IV.
happyteacher it is a sad disease. My Grandmother was a strong woman. Was a nurse for 30 years loved her job, she could take a engine apart and put it back together, blows me away how people are so strong and this disease gets them.All we wantis for the suffering to stop. Just for God to take her.
Hayley thank you.
emily7 thank you. Edited by: ontariogirl

**madisonsmom** · 03-18-2006, 02:48 PM

I am so sorry that this is happening. Well, it does sound like she is in the last stages. Are they just doing comfort measures? The dying process can take awhile, BUT if she is not drinking then she cannot survive long. (I am sorry, just want to be honest and share what I have observed[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]) If she is getting IV fluids then that is different. That prolongs life.

It is hard to say exactly how long dying takes. There are a few physical indicators that I can share with you that can tell you that it really is getting near. Does she respond at all?

I will pm you with these...

**jodi054** · 03-18-2006, 02:51 PM

i just wanted to say how sorry i am for you and all of your family

your all in my thoughts

**madisonsmom** · 03-18-2006, 02:56 PM

Check your pm!

**jennyleigh1975** · 03-18-2006, 03:14 PM

Rhonda, my grandmother died from Alzheimers three years ago this month. She stopped eating on a Sat. and died the next Sat. The Sat. she stopped eating, she became very restless and wouldnt sleep. Our hospice nurse came to see her and told us that it looked like she was in the beginning stages of dying. That the restlessness was her fighting giving up. This went on until Wed., when we decided to go ahead and let the hospice nurse give her the Morphine. She only had one small dose, and she went to sleep. On Fri. when the hospice nurse came by, she told us that it would surprise her if she made it through the weekend. I slept in the room with her that night and the two nurses we had hired to take care of her. I stayed awake listening to her breathe until 3am. I fell asleep then, and woke up about 7am and her breating had changed. I knew it was not going to be long then. One of our nurses went and woke everyone else in the house up, and then we stood by her bed and waited. She died at 7:43am. Her breathing spaced out more and more, til there were no more. My grandmother went peacefully and I was there with her. As far as her death is concerned, I couldnt have asked for more. It was hard to go through and watch, but I am glad that I was there.

Rhonda, if you need to talk, just PM me or e-mail me.

Edited by: jennyleigh1975

**madisonsmom** · 03-18-2006, 03:42 PM

Morphine is good for restlessness and anxiety. It makes their breathing easier too.

**ontariogirl** · 03-18-2006, 06:30 PM

I phonedmy parents place this morning at 11:30 and asked Dad if he has heard anything about Grandma? He said that Mom left this morning to pick up my Uncle in Toronto and are heading down to St. Catherines, she got the call that Grandma isn't doing that great at all and for the family to be there. I must admit the image of my Grandma is in my mind and it breaks my heart to no end. I went into town and shopped for something to wear as in my heart I know I will be going to the funeral very soon. I balled and still have so much in me.
Leigh thank you, this is so hard for me, I think its time to let down my wall and let my feelings flow into tears. Thank you for sharing your story with me.
Jodi054 thank you for your thoughts.
Debbie I just got home its 2:31pm (sat) and I am checking my PM now.
She isn't on a IV drip, they don't want to do that.

**2jo2** · 03-18-2006, 06:47 PM

Rhonda, I'm so sorry about your grandmother. I know what it's like to go through this and you will be in my thoughts. Take care.

**jennyleigh1975** · 03-18-2006, 07:02 PM

You know, when I was going through this with my grandmother, (the actual yrs of dealing with the Alzheimers) I would think that it wouldnt be as hard when she died, because in some ways, she was already gone. Know what I mean? She couldnt be the mother to me that she once was. (She raised me.) When she died though, it was harder than I thought it was going to be. I cried so hard when she died and during the last week she was alive, but after that I was just numb, until the funeral. I even made it through the visitation. BUT, when I was sitting in that pew in church, it just hit me. I guess just the shear finality of it all.

Rhonda, again, my thoughts are with you. Please let me know if you need anything.

**princessmel** · 03-18-2006, 07:32 PM

Ontariogirl: I'm so sorry about your grandma. I lost my grandma to cancer when I was 21. It was horrible b/c we were best friends. I know exactly what you are going through. I had to see her sick too. If you need to talk, PM me. Hang in there sweetie. My grandma was only 68. How old is yours?

**californiagirl** · 03-18-2006, 07:58 PM

I am so sorry about your grandma. Seeing a loved one "transition" is tough and heart-wrenching. I lost my Mom in 2004, and she was in transition (dying process) for probably 12 hours or so. She told the nurse earlier that day, "I'm going to die today". So, after we heard that, all of us family members gathered around her for her last day alive. I believe she knew we were there, and she was at peace. My grandmpther has Alzheimer's and died in 1994, but she died of a pulmonary embolism. She was in the beginning stage if Alzheimer's, when she was realizing that something was wrong with her, because she would forget what she was doing halfway through making dinner, things like that. I know it's an awful disease, and very painful to see someone suffer from it. Your grandma had a long life, and is probably at peace with death at this time, and will feel comforted by having her family around. Just talk to her, hold her hand, and be there. I wish only the best for you and your family through this ordeal.

**ontariogirl** · 03-18-2006, 08:47 PM

Thanks Josie, Leigh, Mel and californiagirl, your thoughtfulness is very comforting to me. As I read your replies they made me cry and that is what I need right now to get it all out. It is 4:43pm I phoned my dad and there is no word yet. I pray to God that he takes her in his arms today, for her to have peace.
Leigh I know what you mean about how your grandma was gone. I remember years ago when this disease was progressing and she didn't know who I was, that was hard. I will PM you, thanks again

**suze** · 03-18-2006, 10:00 PM

OntarioGirl, I have no experience of this but I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you.

**shiva** · 03-18-2006, 10:09 PM

Just wanted to say that I am sorry and my thoughts are with you and your family.

**s_snow** · 03-18-2006, 10:17 PM

I am really sorry, its terrible when someone you love is dying.

I wish you all the best, and hope that your grams will live as long as possible.

[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

**dreamer** · 03-18-2006, 10:53 PM

Dear Ontariogirl

Please, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my dad to dementia and it is the cruellest of illnesses. You've lost the person you love long before they actually die.

I honestly couldn't give you any idea of how long it will take. My dad was in hospital for three weeks before we lost him. He was on an IV and was receiving morphine but I don't know if that made any difference.

Don't be surprised if the first emotion you feel is relief. It IS a relief to know they are in a better place and no longer suffering.

I am truly sorry. I really do know how you feel.

lots of love

Fiona x

**ontariogirl** · 03-19-2006, 12:53 AM

Thanks suze, Beth, s_snow and Fiona, thanks so much, means a lot to me. I am very sorry about your dad Fiona, my heart goes out to you. Relief, that is what I want. Seeing her the other day broke my heart, I just want her to go and be in peace. I am still waiting to hear about grandma, 8:54pm and still nothing. I wish she was closer and not being an hour and a half away.

**zane2673** · 03-19-2006, 01:26 AM

I'm so sorry for you, it's a terrible disease to watch someone succumb to. From the sounds of her condition, it doesn't sound like she has much longer. Usually when they stop drinking the kidneys are the first thing to shut down and then the other organs follow. From my experience with my husbands grandmother she went within a few days of stopping nourishment. She fell into a drug induced coma from the amount of morphine they gave her to deaden the pain of her body shutting down.

Again, I'm so sorry for you and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this very diffcult time.

**ontariogirl** · 03-19-2006, 02:17 AM

Thanks zane2673,
Mom is home. Grandma is on morphine now, they started that last night. Mom said that she was listening to her breathe, she counted her breaths to 40 and then nothing Mom counted to 40 and then grandma started to breathe again. She noticed black spots on her feet but her knees and legs were warm. She has black circles around the bottom of her eyes.What does this meanDebbie?Mom is going back down tomorrow and staying the night at my Aunts. Mom is the exector of the will so on Monday she has to see the lawyer and go to the cemetary. Sounds like it will be soon. No fluid intake and on morphine.

**ontariogirl** · 03-19-2006, 12:15 PM

Just want to say thanks to all who helped me. I will let you all know when that time has come. I am sure that I will need help again. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

**madisonsmom** · 03-19-2006, 04:20 PM

Are there 40 seconds in between breaths or does she breathe 40 times in a minute? OR both? The spots on her feet are calledmottling. Death can be hours to a few days. I am so sorry! Let me know about her breathing...

DebbieEdited by: madisonsmom

**jennyleigh1975** · 03-19-2006, 07:32 PM

I remember the hospice nurse saying that when grandmommy's arms, legs, and feet stayed cold, that meant death was closer.

**ontariogirl** · 03-19-2006, 10:16 PM

She would breathe and then stop,Mom counted 40 seconds and then Grandma began to breathe again. Mom left this morning and she told me that she will call me when Grandma passes. I am kicking my ass right now, I should have mentioned to her that I would go with her. I asked her if she is ok and she said she if fine.
Leigh I am so sorry you went through that.

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