Ok well some of you might know that a month ago I v*ed for the first time in about 3 years and I didn't deal with it that well, however there were a few moments of thinking wow that wasn't so bad. And right after it happened I was watchingER while I tried to calm down and I was thinking that I could have watched anyone on that show v*ing and just not care because it wasn't happening to me.


I really, really want to get that feeling back and I think I lost the ability to have it by panicking too much about what had just happened, because it all happened so suddenly and I didn't really have a choice in the matter.So now my thought is that v*ing really might be the first step for me to getting better. But doing so under more controlled conditions so that I know when to expect it.


So my question is this - I definitely don't want to try ipecac or anything drastic like that but considering how many precautions we emets take to avoid v* at all costs, I'm now asking if it might be possible to make myself more susceptible to v*? Not to the extent of eating raw chicken or anything, just like a non emet might not take as many precautions as we do? I've already stopped being quite as meticulous with hand washing, only after going to the bathroom now. Not after touching doors or anything. This is a big step for me and I need advice please!