I have spent 31 years living with emet and not knowing what it was. I have suffered from panic attacks since I was 5 years old and now I think it had to do with my emet. I phoned my parents last night and said I think I have emet and they said they thought I did too. They told me I had two bad experiences with throwing up as a child and was never the same. I had forgotten about the experiences until they reminded me - and I had a panic attack just thinking about them. They sound so trivial now, but obviously they still get to me.


When I was five I got sick on the school bus home. I remember all the other kids saying how gross it was and moving to the other side of the bus. They made me feel so bad. I remember being scared because that was the first time I had ever been away from home an gotten sick. I was so frightened. This is graphic - but I can see the v* in the center aisle of the bus moving as the bus stopped and started again. All the kids said how gross I was.


Then my mother reminded me of a time when I was about three and I had a virus that was really bad. My cousin, who was my age had recently died of dehydration due to a similar virus. My dad came home from work and my mom cried in his arms saying she knew I was dying too - just like her niece had died earlier that year. I don't remember that, but my mom said I was probably old enough to understand.


So here I am 35 years old. I've spent most of my life on panic meds, but I really think if I can get a handle on my emet, I won't need those meds anymore. I think it's all a cycle. I hear about someone getting sick, then I panic - which makes me feel sick. Then I think I'm sick and it' keeps going and going.


I'm so glad I found this site. I'm going to look for a good therapist. I live in a small town so it may be difficult, but I'll do it.


Joanne