Kids?

[Galadriel]

Hello,

Well, I've thought on and off about this subject. Sometimes I
think having kids wouldn't be so bad, other times I think I wouldn't be
fit to handle it. I don't know.

Anyone else who is married have these thoughts? I haven't even been
married a year yet, so no rush, but these thoughts do come about.

The other thing is my husband has a genetic disorder, that there would be a 50% chance of the kid having it.

The other thing is I mean when you have a child, they are a 24/7
committment, there is no going back. How do you parents feel? Then
again you have someone who is part of you. I guess since my grandma
passed away here this past week, I get thinking to things like this.

How do you ever know if you are ready to have kids? I wouldn't want to
be one of those parents that just has the kid without thinking and
doesn't really want the kid. I don't want to do that.

[kate1966]

Hi, i have been married for 17 yrs this month...i have 2 sons...16 and 12.....my husband has a muscle nerve deteriation disease that my boys have a 50/50 chance of having also....i didn't know this at the time i married him though. We got married at an early age, and i got pregnant after 6 months of marraige...i was emet at the time...but i wanted a baby so bad, i didn't not even think about what i would do when they got sick. I just knew i wanted a baby. So, believe me, i am still an emet...and i still am scared, but i would give NOTHING for being a mom and i love my boys so much...there is nothing like having kids.....they are so worth it. It's hard, that's true, when they are sick....but i promise you, if you even think you want kids...wait several more years first......the answer will be pretty clear for you in time...when you know it, you just know it!!!!!

[Galadriel]

Thanks Kate Do your boys have the genetic disorder? I wonder if
there is a way they could choose from him one without the disorder,
then implant it? I don't know about all that stuff. I don't want to
worry about that though until I determine if I want kids in the first
place. So when you do want kids you'll know its the right time? I guess
its one of those things. I mean I'm only 22 now so I have plenty of
time.

[mjewell]

Hi Galadriel -


Yes, I feel the exact same way as you. I have been married a year and a half, so I'm not in a particular rush to have kids, but my husband is ready and our family keeps aking us when when when.


I'm like you...some days I think it would be fun and I fantasize about being a soccer mom and buying them cute Halloween outfits, but other days I'm like no way - never. And like you, i think the same way...once you have a baby there is no going back. So, I think I'll take Kate's advice and wait till I 100% want a baby!

[curly wurly]

I knew when I was ready to have children. I knew it was going to be difficult when my children were ill, but my children are absolutely lovely. Every single day I think how lucky I am to have my children. Each time they learn something new or give me big hugs I feel so happy and content.


I was told there was a 50% chance that my children would be born with albinism as I have a slight form of this. I was a little worried, but this never affected my choice as I have never missed out or suffered because of my eye condition.I have to cover up in the sun and wear dark glasses outside. My eyesight has been improved over the years with glasses, I will never be able to drive and I have to sit right on top of the computer screen to read it. I can not read books with small print or see fine detail. Since I have never known any different it is not really a problem. Fortunately my daughter has really good sight and does not have albinism. My son has very fair hair and pale skin, but his eyesight seems good. He has to be tested again in a few months then they should know for sure.


I think you will know when you are ready for children. It is not worth rushing into it. All the good times we have with our children by far weigh out the bad times when they are ill.

[kate1966]

Yes, you both need to be married for a while before you have kids...of course it's your own choice, but my experience has been that you really need time to be married and learn about your partner. It's so important to be on the same page when you do decide to have kids...saves alot of arguments in the future.....but anyway...yes, you all are young enough that you have plenty of time to wait to decide when you are ready. I think that you will know in your heart when you are ready...you will probably still have doubts and fears about it, as we all do, emet or not, but i think when you know, you just know it's time. I am glad i had mine when i did though...because i was 22when i had my first one, and now I am getting ready to turn 40 in July and my son will be 16 in July...so i feel young enough to understand him better...and my other son is 12 and it just seems i understand what they are going through right now better. But like i said, it's all up to you.

[mjewell]

That is wonderful advice both of you, thanks.nBut lke you said Kate, it's nice to be young for your kids, that's thte only thing that makes me sad about waiting. I'm 27, probably won't be ready for kids til 30 at least, so I'll be an old mom [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[curly wurly]

Mjewell, I was 26 whenI had my daughter and 29 when I had my son so I am not the youngest of mums, but plenty of people have children later than this. A mum from our toddler group tried for years to have a baby but it did not happen until she was in her 40s. She is a fantastic mum with plenty of energy and her little girl is adorable. 30 is definately not too old to have a baby so don't feel sad. Just wait until you are ready.

[donna1216]

No, 30 is not too old, I was 29 when I had my son!! My friend is 35 and pregnant now!

[mjewell]

Oh, that is wonderful!! I guess I am just used to my mom's generation where everyone had kids at 18-21!

[kate1966]

By no means did i mean that 30 or even 40 was too old...i am just speaking for myself only....i know i don't have as much energy or patience now and if i had a little one now, wow, i would be worn out...For instance, my sis is 42...and she has a 16 yr old and a 6 yr old....and she is having a tough time of it...it all depends on your personality.....it doesn't matter what age you are really...if something happened and i wound up preg.now...i would panic some, but i would also be scared too. Just go with your instincts on it. It's your choice for sure....and I am sure that at whatever age you get pregnant, you will be just wonderful as a mom, both of you

[dreamer]

I was 36 when I had my first baby and 41 when i had my second. So don't worry, there's plenty of time!Enjoy your time with your hubby and wait till you are 100% ready.


Children are hard work no matter what age you have them, but the joy they bring is worth it. You have a lot to look forward to!

[purpleteacher]

I love children so much - hey, I'm a teacher! I'm a passionate teacher!! I can teach all day long and be totally there and energized and positive and hard-working and dedicated... but I have to have the down-time. I have to be away from them so that I don't KILL THEM!My down-time is what keeps me sane.


I am also not very maternal, I'm more instructional with an empathetic side.


Do I want kids, yes... and I believe I have *kids* already - meaning the ones I teach. I might just be viewed as a "substitute" teacher, but the kids know me and they know I'm there for them. They know I keep on coming back despite what they do to me!


I do know that I'm not interested in having my own biological children due to some *genetic issues*. There is also a chance that medically I might not be able to have children --- adoption has always been the focus of my mind in terms of having children. I have also considered being a foster parent.

[crazybeautiful]

I'm 21 and have no desire to have kids at all.

[samara's on tv]

I'm 21 and I have decided that I want to have a baby. I'm not married, nor do I have a partner. I'm not thinking about running out and getting pregnant NOW though cause I know there would be NO WAY I would be able to finanically support a baby. But I know that I want one eventually.


My mother was 39 when she had my youngest sister, and 35 when she had my other younger sister. So there really isn't any hurry in having children, you still have pleanty of time to figure things out.


~Monica

[happyteacher]

Galadriel,


I'm 29 and 6 weeks pregnant. My baby will be born 2 weeks after my 30th birthday. Quite honestly, I don't think I would have been ready to be a parent until recently anyway. I was still living at home when I was 26 (that was when I moved in with my husband - then fiance).


I have a history of neural tube defects in my immediate family. My only sister's oldest child has Cerebral Palsy. I know this isn't genetic, but I am still in a higher risk category than others. Is your husband's disorder serious? I guess what you have to decide is, is it worth the risk? Having a baby is in many ways like gambling, you have to roll the dice and hope for the best.


Every mother, not only emetophobes, go through times where they aren't sure they can handle things. That's pretty normal, I think. You have to do what right for you.


happyteacher

[japa]

I think that statistically, the age when people marry and the age when they have kids has been rising for some time now.


Many people have kids in their thirties and 40's.

[Galadriel]

Bringing this thread up again... :-D


Not only am I afraid of the actual raising the kid and how it would be handled, but the pregnancy. I know several of you on here are currently pregnant. I've just heard all the horror stories of morning sickness (meaning anytime feeling like your going to v*), and just the changes that happen that can be rough.


Is pregnancy really that bad? I guess it all depends on the individual, some women have real hard ones others easy ones. Heh I'd be more likely to if I knew it wasn't going to be bad. Im also real afraid of the having the kid part, I mean youch!! I know I'm not ready now, but maybe in a few years? I don't know.

[kate1966]

I did not have any morning sickness at all, with either of my boys...never even felt sick at all. It was wonderful. I think it depends on how your mom was with you when she was pregnant too. I hear it's hereditary to a point, don't know this for sure...i know my mom never had any sickness with and of her 3 kids. I have heard that each pregnancy is different too, but both of mine were the exact same. So i don't know. I was so happy when i was pregnant, i felt wonderful the whole time. I know it's scary, but it's just a choice you will have to make at some point. They have lots of anti-nausea meds out now for morning sickness....ginger root is one of them.

[kellybean]

I used to be afraid of morning sickness, but mostmoms here have given me hope. I REALLY want to have a baby now.My husband and I are trying right now to get preg so please pray for us!! The only thing I worry about now, is the actual labour, same as you Galadriel. I am such a baby when it comes to pain!!!

[crimgoddess]

LOL- my mom had morning sickness EVERYDAY for 8 months of her pregnancy when she was pregnant with me.....but she said that birth and labour were actually not all that bad for her (and she is a real baby for pain). She didn't actually know she was in labour until my grandmother was able to dignose her symptoms (she thought she was just constipated), and she didn't want/need drugs to make it through. She said that she didn't know what all these other women were whining about- it wasn't bad at all! (hehe- until she had my brother- that was a difficult and painful labour because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice).


Every woman is different- some will experience horrible morning sickness- others will feel just fine. Don't get worried about something that may not happen for you- especially since the consensus here seems to be that emet moms usually don't get it that badly to the point where they would vomit.


As for the pain of birth- apparently it is one of those forgettable pains- once you see your baby the pain will probably be worth it.


GOODLUCK KELLYBEAN! Hope you end up with a 'lil beanie soon~!


*amber*

[pookey30]

Hi,


Don't rush into having kids. You are right. They are 24/7 and once they are here they are here.


I'm not married but I have been with my partner for 10 years now. I was just under 32 when we had our son. Now 3 and a half. ( He was 2 months prem.) We tried 4 years to fall pregnant. I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks after my son. Then I had another son born at 24 weeks. He weighed 1lb 6oz and lived for 3 days, he would have been 2 now. I have an incompetant cervix so when I fell pregnant again I had to have a stitch put in at 15 weeks. I then gave birth to my daughter at 38 weeks. She is now 9 months old. I have been through the mill and WILL NOT be having any more. I love my kids more than life itself - BUT - I can't cope [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]. This emet thing is ruining everything with my kids. I have to have my 14 year old niece over every weekend as my other half works nights on Friday and Saturdays. (She is away this weekend so I am in pieces.) She has to be here incase my son v*. As much as I love my children if I knew I would be this bad I wouldn't have had children. I feel like a complete failure to them. When my son went through a bad patch of v* pretty often I used to run out of the house. Several times I packed my bags to go.


I'm now having CBT to try to get some help but it's doing nothing.


Please, if your emet is as bad as mine GET IT SORTED BEFORE YOU HAVE KIDS. I don't want another mother to suffer as I am. I don't want any other babies watch their mother go to pieces and run away like my kids see.


Children are hard work. Any mother will tell you that but their love for you is unconditional. They are a part of you. Don't rush it. Enjoy your life first.


Hope you come to the right decision.


Karen xxx

[bandnerd]

<------I have two kids, ages 5 and 3. They are totally worth it. Mine hardly EVER get sick. Yes they consume your entire life, but I've found working keeps me human and not tied to them 24/7.


BandNerd

[dreamer]

Hi Galadriel,


Every woman's experience of pregnancy and birth is different, but for what it's worth here's mine:


I didn't suffer morning sickness, but occasionally felt n* if I went too long without eating. Ask your female relatives - if they didn't get it, you probably won't.


My two births couldn't have been more different. The first was an emergency c-section at 32 weeks. I was up and around in a day or two, and recovered very quickly. Second time around,I went to full-term and went into labour naturally. I lay in bed for hours without realising that what I was feeling was contractions - I'd been waiting for this agonising pain I'd heard about! And when it really kicks in, there's plenty of pain relief. To be 100% honest: yes, it was painful, but I expected it to be much worse!!!!


As for the emet, it's bad, but the urge to look after my children is stronger. I HATE it when they're ill, I DREAD sv*s, but when the worst happens, I deal with it. Inside, I'm screaming, but I deal with it.


I hope this helps. Don't let this horrible phobia be the reason you don't have children. There's a lot of hard work involved....but the joy they bring is worth it.

[japa]

I am really not in favor of making important life decisions based around this phobia. If you find yourself heading in that direction, seek treatment and work really hard at it. Life has too much to offer to miss out on experiences because of a phobia.

[Galadriel]

Well, its not just cause of emet, I mean its a life altering thing. I know if I did decide to we are in no position to now anyways, and I would wait a few years. You are right about that Japa, perspectives change, and our thinking can change too. I had one phobia that was real bad, and when I got over it, suddenly its like I can do things I couldn't before, and the impossible seems possible.

[kellybean]

GOODLUCK KELLYBEAN! Hope you end up with a 'lil beanie soon~!


*amber*

LOL Thanks Amber!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]