I so hate this stupid phobia

[roisme]

I'm so frustrated with these bad feelings that I just want to cry right now. I'm so tired of fighting off panic, and thinking about v* all the time, and I just want to be 'normal'.

Heck of a way for me to get out of the lurker shadows, eh, right in the middle of an attack. I'm so tired, and I just need to sleep, but I can't so I took an Ativan and while I'm waiting for it to kick in, I wouldn't mind talking to someone who understands.

My name is RoseAnne, I'm 30, and I've been married for 8 years in May. I have a son who turns 4 tomorrow, and a 19 month old daughter. I've been an emetophobe for as long as I can remember, but I've only really been losing my mind over it in the last few years. Having young children makes sv' and v* something that I can't run away from anymore. My family and friends knew I had issues, but it wasn't until I about completely broke down in November that I did a google search on my phobia and came up with a name, and the discovery that I was not the only one. I was such a mess at that point that I came out of the closet, so to speak, so now everyone knows I have it, but no one can really understand.

My doc gave me Ativan for when I really need it, but since it can be so habit forming, I really only use it as a last resort. I tried taking Effexor for a bit but it gave me horrible side effects, so now I'm on Celexa. I'm not really sure if it is working or not. I've had several weeks lately with little anxiety, but I don't know if that's just because sv hasn't been running in my circles and I started feeling safe. I just found out this evening that MIL has you know what, and bam, here I am back at square one. I've done a bit of talk therapy, but since my anxiety had subsided somewhat, we were tackling other issues for awhile. Bad move.

I really, really just feel like bawling my eyes out from frustration. I get so mad at myself for not controlling it better, even though I know it's not that easy. And it is SO hard to be a mom when your mind has been taken over with this anxiety and panic. I HAVE to beat this, because I cannot live like this forever.

[sage]

you poor thing. I can just hear in your "voice" how tough it is for you. I remember feeling like that..especially when my kids were that age. I can only reassure you that there is hope, and there is good treatment available and you' won't feel this way forever.


Whereabouts in Canada are you? (I'm near Vancouver, btw)