Ugh! I hate when non-emets do this to me

[csjones]

I'm frustrated right now and have to vent a little. I'm sorry I have only posted here a few times. You might remember me from two months ago when I posted here for the 1st time because my family had an sv*. I have been lurking here ever since and feel that I know you all quite well! You're such a nice group of people [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]!

Anyway, on to my story. I found out today that my sister-in-law is expecting her second child. Yay, I love being an aunt. My little niece is 3 and is an absolute delight. My mother went over to my brother's house to see my niece and came back with that news- no one else in my family went over today since we were busy.

My mother told me my sister in law was waiting until the "sickness was over" to tell everyone about the pregnancy (she's about 3 mos. along). So, I casually asked "Oh, is she having a lot of morning sickness this time?" (she hadn't had ANY with my niece). Mind you, I had NO emet intentions with that question, I was just commenting like I think non-emets would. My mother gave me this trademarked blank look and said "Um...no...."

Okay, my problem here is dishonesty. I really hate when my mother lies to me because she wants to "protect me". I really don't care at all about my SIL having m/s, because I know that it isn't contagious, I fear myself v*ing about 100,000 times more, and we see them so infrequently that the odds would be low that she would actually v* right in front of me while I was there. Seeing someone else v*ing would probably just deeply gross me out. If I knew it wasn't contagious, I would be totally over the experience in about an hour.

I have had issues with my mother and emet before. She wouldn't tell me when she had v*ed with the sv*. Am I alone in that I much prefer honesty when someone is ill or something has happened than being lied to in order to "shield" me from the fear? When I think things are going on behind my back, my anxiety is so much worse than it would be if I were just told the truth.

Ugh, okay, anyway, I will stop ranting pointlessly here. Thanks for listening!

[sage]

I remember feeling like this, too. And I would freak out at my family and YELL at them to "be honest with me", etc. etc. But I guess now I can see both sides of it, too. It must be really hard for our family members to deal with us day by day, year by year. And to pussy-foot around and watch how they cook food, and when THEY feel sick they're probably thinking inside "oh no...if I'm sick she's going to freak out..." So I think it's not just a simple matter of honest/not honest. I think for them, it's really hard to say something plainly that they know will make us upset.


Sorry this doesn't help much. It's ok to rant. Direct the rant at the damn phobia perhaps - how it f***s up your life and your relationships with your family 'n'all. It sucks!

[confusedgirl]

o I've felt like that too... but then, often, when they are honest with me I get mad too>.> I hate it. I know my parents lie to me about how often they wash their hands or expiration dates of things (like, they will say they bought something a couple days ago, when really it was a week ago and still good) just to keep me from freaking out. I feel like I would rather have someone just not tell me if they are feeling sick or v*. I'd rather not know. But if I ask, I want honesty.

[japa]

Have you tried telling them that you can tell when they're not telling the truth and that it raises your anxiety level?


Like sage said, I can kind of understand their position just because it reminds me of when I was a child. My father was terribly germ phobic, and he would get angry and he would be very overbearing if I even so much as had a cold. As early as age six, I started hiding when I was sick, and I became very skilled at concealing symptoms, hiding away from him, and so on. It became a protection for me.


In some ways, I guess people just try to protect themselves, and sometimes they will protect themselves from our emetophobic anxious reactions.

[honeybee]

i can see where your mum is coming from, she want to protect you,but i dont think she is going the right way about it, as you are responding in that way. you could just turn it around and say how would she feel if she were in your position. she would gain your perspective on things then, it would be good for both of you.