Just thought I’d say hi!

[sillygirl]

I haven't been on for a while because of the whole bedrest thing. The first few days I was good and stayed on the couch, then my mother in law came over Tuesday and spent Tuesday night, Wednesday night, and most of Thursday with us to help us pack. We got a lot of it done, even though we technically don't have to be out until the end of the month. I am just really frustrated right now and I know this is going to be a long 3 months.


We are building a new house, but it won't be ready until late July/early August. So, we have moved in with my mom in the meantime. We just moved in last night, and I am already hating it. The biggest problem is that I have two dogs (labs) and my sister has two cats. She refuses to let the dogs and cats get together, so she forces my dogs to spend the entire day outside and at night they are locked in our bedroom with us. They aren't used to this, they think they are being punished. I let them in a few minutes ago to get a drink of water. They were in for about 5 minutes, trying to cool down (it's 80 degrees here) and she saud "ok, they got their water." I told her she needs to chill out about it or it's going to be a long 3 months. She said "it's going to be a long 3 months anyway" and walked away. On top of that, it has been strange being around my mom and her new boyfriend in my dad's house.


I just don't think I can take the stress. Emet really hasn't been on my mind lately, but ever since we got here last night it's coming back full force. My husband and mom are at work now. My sister just came home for lunch and is going back to school (she's a senior in high school). I told my mom that we are going to have to work out this dog and cat thing and of course she just defends my sister because "she is under a lot of stress since it's the end of school." She barely scrapes by with her grades, isn't going to college, I don't see what there is to be stressed about.


Sorry about the rant. I just feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I can talk to my husband of course, but I don't want to just complain to him because he has to deal with it too. I am so stressed over it that I have been crying for the last two days (which I know isn't good for the baby). I was actually even bleeding a little bit last night, so I am going to the doctor this afternoon to get checked out.


If you made it through this far, thanks for listening. You guys are all so great. I always know I can come here and get support with any issue. I think I am going to try and find a cheap apartment now. It may cost us more money than staying here, btu I thinkI need to for my sanity.

[kate1966]

Hey Sillygirl....


Sorry about your situation...it sounds rough. I think it's inconsiderate of your sis to be treating you this way especially in your condition. It's not fair to you or your baby to be upsetting you like this. I know you will be glad to get into your new home, but it will be a while,huh? Is she jealous of you or something...is that why she's being mean about your dogs? Is she older or younger than you? I think your mom needs to be defending you on this really. I hope it gets better soon, and that you can relax without extra stress until you have your baby. Keep us posted....

[sillygirl]

My sister is 7 years younger than me and I think that's why we never really got along. There was always too big of a gap between us. I don't think she is jealous of me, but I know she hates being compared to me. I was the "good" one, good grades, went to college, etc. I have a new car, new house, all that, but it's because my husband and I worked for it all. We both fought to get through school, working at the same time, so we could get jobs that pay well enough to get us what we want. I have tried to tell her that, but she thinks I am just trying to turn her into me. She works part time at a fast food restaurant (a step up from McDonalds, but not much) and she is going to just go full time there after she graduates. I keep trying to tell her that what she makes an hour there is not going to support the kind of life she wants (unless she marries a rich guy which is not in the picture right now). Anyway, I gave up trying to help her with that one. She can make her own mistakes, it's none of my business. She is just rude andinconsiderate. I don't know if it comes from being a teenager or what.


I know parents aren't supposed to have favorites, but they do. My sister is my mom's "favorite" and I am my dad's. It's all because my mom was the exact same way as my sister at that age - scraped thorugh high school, didn't go to college, and she thinks she turned out fine so my sister will too. She doesn't realize that times have changed. The cost of living has increased. Plus my mom got married right out of high school, so she also had my dad to support her. Sure, she's fine now, but if she hadn't gotten married and tried to make it on her own things would have been different.


The point of all that is even though my mom does care about my condition and everything with the baby (she knows I need to relax and take it easy) she still stands behind my sister and defends everything she does because, as my dad says, she is re-living her youth through my sister. I just tlaked to her on the phone a few minutes ago again and she told me that she would talk to my sister. Well, let's just say I've heard that before and I'm not getting my hopes up. I did find a nie apartment that will do 3 or 4 month rentals and they allow dogs, so if worse comes to worse, we can go there.


Sorry for the vent. I guess I will go get ready to go to my doctor appointment now.

[kate1966]

Don't be sorry for ranting...it's what we're here for


I think you should probably go ahead and get that apt...just to save yourself some stress for you and your baby. It does sound like she is alittle jealous of your life though. It's tough....but from what you say, it sounds like your mom will be on her side of this. Unfortunetely, parents can be that way. Mine are sometimes....but that's beside the point...If your mom does not agree with you on the dog matter, then it's only going to get worse probably. I think if it were me, i would be getting that apt. asap!!! Just to save myself the headache....


Well, good luck at your doc apt.....let us know how you are soon..K

[crimgoddess]

Your feelings are valid, and you are not in a particularly good situation- but at the same time your sister is being put in a rough situation as well. As a "minor" in the home she really has very little influence about what's going on and who is allowed to stay/not allowed to stay. Not only does she have to contend with your mom's new boyfriend, but also her sister, her sister's husband, and their 2 dogs, which is completely out of her hands. That, and she is graduating highschool, which is a decent-sized accomplishment (especially if school is difficult for her, or she doesn't like the school environment), but at the same time a lot of the focus is on your because you are going to have your first child and your mother's first grandchild.


Also, I know you have tried to talk to her in the past- but I know that when I was going through my rebellious stage, people tried to 'talk' me out of what they perceived to be mistakes, it came off as condescending. The "look how great my life is compared to yours- you should want what I want and do what I do". This is not meant to be a criticism at all- I'm sure you have the best intentions and want your sister to succeed. But from someone who has seen it from the other side, what someone "means" to say and how it actually comes out are two completely different issues.


It's kind of funny, because the way I see it you and your sister are actually facing quite similar situations. You feel helpless because you are on bedrest, and somewhere where you don't necessarily want to be and are faced with stress. Your sister is also helpless, because her "domain" is being invaded with people and animals that she doesn't necessarily want around 24/7, which is creating a stressful environment for her as well. Yes, your needs should definitely come first because you are pregnant and have been put on bedrest- but from the other side of the situation, knowing this doesn't mean that you are happy about it, or that it doesn't make you frustrated sometimes. Or that you necessarily understand the gravity of the situation- her 'knowing' that you are pregnant and on bedrest does not necessarily mean she understands the full extent of what this means, or how her behaviour is affecting the situation.


Have you tried sitting down and talking with her about this? Perhaps empathising with her- as in "It must be hard having us around all the time- I know that if I had 2 extra people and their pets in my house without a say in the matter I would be kind of stressed"- maybe that would open a dialogue by which you are able to honestly talk to her about what YOU are going through at the moment and have her actually listen. Your mom telling her about it would have less of an impact- if she was put in a situation where she felt comfortable sitting down and listening to you directly, it may make her more sympathetic. Maybe even talk about the favouratism issue- as rough as it is for you to see your mom not take your defence, your sister must have encountered just as many situations with your dad that made her frustrated.


I don't think it is necessarily your mom's job to "talk" to your sister- not only do you know already that your mom probably won't be able to approach the situation in a way that would result in a favourable result for you, but you and your sister are now adults. You would probably get a lot further if the two of you did the talking.


Hope your appointment goes well and there is nothing wrong with the baby- once again, I'm sorry that you are being put through a stressful situation, and I hope you are able to work out something that would be amenable to all parties involved.


Sibling situations are rough- my brother and I only stopped getting into physical fights 2 years ago!


*amber*


PS- and we all need to vent sometimes! It's healthy to bitch about something without internalizing it. Feel free to vent anytime! I think that is partly the reason why the internet has developed this way- gives everyone a chance to vent without repercussions

[sillygirl]

We only have one computer now since we moved and my husband was on it last night so I couldn't post. My doctor's appointment went well. THey hooked me up to the monitors for a while to check the baby's heartbeat and to see if I was having any contractions. After about 20 minutes or so, I had no contractions and the baby is doing great (whicih I knew she was because she uses my insides as a punching bag 24/7)! The docotor also re-did that test. Hopefully, if it comes back negative, I can come off complete bedrest and just be put on a more restrictive lifestyle - no exercising, etc. but I can go back to work. I won't get the results untiil Monday, but I could be back to work as early as Tuesday. Then I won't have to be stuck here so much so that might take a little stress off. I really haven't even seen my sister since everything happened. She came home from school as I was leaving for the doctor, then she left again for work when I was coming home and didn't come home until I was in bed.


crimgoddess - Even though my sister is 18, and technically an adult, it is difficult to talk to her about anything. I can only remember a handful of times where we were able to talk about anything and I felt like I was talking to a grown up. Then, as soon as I said the wrong thing, she would completely chnage into her little abnoxious, defensive self. SHe is spoiled rotten - in the fact that she has never had a curfew, can do whatever she wants whenever she wants, etc. I guess we'll see how it goes.

[kate1966]

Sillygirl, just checking in to see how you are, and how the situation is at home with your mom and sis....hopefully things are better and you are not as stressed...keep us posted!!!