Right now, i'm feeling kinda weird. I'm scared in a strange way. It always happens when it's dark but i never thought too much about it and now i am because I wanna know more about my phobia. I'm scared, I feel like something is watching me but at the same time I know more and more about my phobia, all the little things about it and exactly what I'm afraid of. It's amazing how fears can be this big, how the mind is able to create anything from utter serenity to uncontrollablepanic.
Itend to get more anxious as the night comes.A big part of my phobia is it happening when it's dark. I'm scared of nausea more than throwing up. And that wicked feeling taking place in my body in the dark seems so threatening to mylife. I say to myself "So what ifi get nauseous in the dark? I can't endure nausea anywayz, i'd proceed to throw up in less than a minute. And i'd be fine" That's the rational me speaking.This me knows i'll livecozInowknow how to accept undesirable situations. Butphobias are always irrational. And that irrational part somehow thinks that nausea is more than just a feeling in the body, but an entity with a mind of it own. I'm scared of nausea as if it's an evil force lurking in the dark. I now know why i feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up when it's dark. It's becoz I imagine nausea watching me from behind, slowly taking steps towards me. I now know why I set my alarm at 3am in the morning. I thought about it so generally b4, i thought i do that coz I don't wanna throw upwhile sleeping. But the real reason is i don't wanna wake upto find nausea in my body already, so I wakemyself up at 3am to make sure it's notin my room.
It's 10:13pm. Dark and silent outside. But knowing more about my phobia makes me feel good and makes me want to hold tight on to my rational side.
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