hiya everyone,,

im leanne im 26 from the uk,,i have 4 kids,,i also have emet i think,,

im not sure why im afraid of v*ing (i know that word can worry some people and after reading threads im aware to use a star),,infact im not even sure its v*ing or v*ing infront of people that scares me the most,,

i dont know why this phobia has come about but i have had it since july last year after i had a VERY VERY adverse reaction to seroxat,,it caused a psychotic episode and terrifying panic attacks (i was prescribed seroxat for small anxiety attacks),,ive had anxiety from being 19 years old,,since having those panic attacks on seroxat i have been left with the symptoms the panic attacks gave me but the symptoms never go away they are constant,,its like having one long constant mild panic attack and its scarey,,

since july last year i have became terrified of v*ing and embarrassed about it,,i havent actually v*ed though thats the strange thing,,so how do i feel this way about something i dont know will happen,,

when i was around the age of 12-13 i went through a phase of frequently v*ing maybe 4 times a week,,i hated v*ing but it never worried me,,i used to v*t through the night normally around 2am,,so it became a habit not to eat after 7pm to try to avoid the v*ing through the night,,i eventually grew out of this and the not eating after 7pm habit went away,,now after having this traumatic time on the antidepressant im back to square one only MUCH MUCH worse,,i cant eat without panicking thinking im going to v*t now because ive eaten,,other people v*ing never used to bother me just as long as it wasnt me v*ing,,but now the thought of others v*ing scares me too especially having 4 kids its hard to not constantly think about it,,i find thev whole act of v*ing very embarressing and i dont know why,,i hate going out the house if ive eaten just incase i need to be sick and cant get to anywhere private in time and other people end up seeing me v*t,,,if i know i have to go out anywhere i dont eat until i know im home and i dont need to go back out,,this can be around 6pm before i eat,,i wont travel in cars,buses,trains,boats etc just incase i get travel sick and have to v*t infront of people,,i desperatly need dental surgery but i wont go because i need to be sedated and i know i will v*t when i wake up from the sedation,i wont eat out,,if im visiting friends i dont have cups of tea or coffee,,i wont smoke outside the house incase it makes me sick in public,,it rules my life,,everything i do revolves around v*ing and how to avoid it,,i really hate this,,what makes it worse is the fact i dont know why i feel this way,,did the seroxat do something to me that is lasting this long?? is it just the anxiety and not emet?? i just dont know,,thankyou so much for getting this far [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img],,somedays it all gets too much and makes me want to die,,but i know i cant die because i have my kids and they need me,,im just hoping this goes away someday soon[img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img] thankyou leanne xx
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