Am I turning my son into an emetophobe?

[valkyriegrl]

I wonder how easy it is for emetophobia to be passed down from parent to child. My mom is an emetophobe - I'm not sure her anxieties are quite as extreme as mine, for example she'll eat dairy and meat products after the due date, but she's got a definite aversion to v*ing, she talks about how much she hates it, in the winter she carries hand sanitizer around with her everywhere she goes, opens doors with her forearm, refuses to be around anyone who has been sick, you know. I've got the fear pretty badly, and now my son is almost 6 years old and I really think he's emetophobic, too. Examples:the word 'contagious' is in hisvocabulary, he refuses to eat certain foods that he associates with v*ing - one day last year we went to the movies with him where he ate butter popcorn. That night he got sick for a brief while, no fever and the v* stopped after about an hour, so it wasn't an sv - I never figured out what it was - but now to this day, he won't eat buttered popcorn. He even asks me when I'm making popcorn, "Is it buttered? I can't eat buttered, it makes me p**e!" He cries when he has an sv, frantically demands to be given his 'medecine',(children's gravol), asks me to make the p**ing stop, I could go on! When he is ill, I try my hardest not to act frantic around him, but sometimes I slip - like when I'm hovering around him, feeling for a fever trying to guess whether it's an sv or not, asking him, "How do you feel? How about now?" every 5 minutes. I guess it doesn't help that when he's v*ing, I'm standing there shouting "In the bowl James! IN THE BOWL!!" After it's all over I try to joke about it with him to make light of the situation, but as you might have guessed, he doesn't think v* jokes are very funny. I'm warping my kids! I already know he's an emetophobe, but I hope he doesn't end up quite as bad as me!

[daffodil]

This subject has been discussed a lot among the emet parents here. I don't think there is a clear-cut answer as to why we developed this phobia. I think kids can pick up on their parent's anxieties, but I think there is more to it than that. I think there is a hereditary predisposition to anxiety, as well. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just try to be as calm about it as you can (and I know how hard that is, as I have kids too.) I'm sure you're an excellent mom, and the fact that you are concerned about it just proves that.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[confusedgirl]

He may not be an emet... in my psychology class at the beginning of the year, we learned that if someone eats a food, and then v* after eating it, whether the v* was related to the food or not, more than likely the person will not want to eat that food again. It's a survival instinct, people learned to avoid food they v* after eating in case it was poisonous, and now that is just a human trait. And, most people don't like v*, so he may just cry because he really hates it, not because he's really scared of it? good luck, though,hopefully his emet-symptoms don't get any worse but even if he does, yeah its a good chance its hereditary, so you wouldn't have caused his emet by your behavior.

[madisonsmom]

I think I have instilled it in my son. He is 7 and is worse than I am. He hates to see it on TV. That stuff doesnt bother me. I just dont like being around people who are contagious sick. My son always wants to know "Is it gonna make me sick?" I am trying to help him though. UGH! I could kick myself!

[valkyriegrl]

That's how I am, too. I could care less if someone's v*ing, as long as I know that I'm not going to get whatever they have. I still don't like to hear it or see it, it really makes me uncomfortable and grosses me out, but it doesn't send me into full panic mode.

[6pksummer]

I know how you feel...your reactions are very similar to mine! Kinda scary to see how much a like a lot of us are. I wouldn't worry about him being an emet. My son is very concious on how germs and things like that and says "Ya, cause I don't want to get sick". I don't think he is an emet, I just think he is very aware that there are germs out there that can make him sick...to me, that is GREAT!!

[daffodil]

Madison's mom and valkyriegrl, I am exactly like you! I don't like being around v*, but if I can't catch it, I don't care too much.
6pksummer: I think that is great that your kid is germ concious. It is healthy to keep clean and be aware of how to stay well. I am trying to teach my girls (3 and 1 year old) to wash up before eating, and not put things in their mouths when we are out and about. It just makes good sense.
BTW, my mom and dad are not emet, and being sick was no big deal to them, but I remember as a small child saying I wouldn't eat certain things because they would make me tu*. I don't know where I got that from. It's wierd. I was emet at such a young age, and I can't pin it on any one thing.

[suze]

I have an emet sister and her daughter is emet too, so I think there may be some heriditary link. As for my kids, I've always worried about my son who is germ-conscious and panics whenever he feels ill - he definitely shows emet traits. My daughter, who used to throw up with real calm, has just started to worry about it- she retched the other day while coughing then started crying that she thought she might v*. It's all too scary and worrying...I have always tried to remain calm when they're ill, but something is happening.


I do agree with confusedgirl tho, no-one likes v* and I know loads of people who will do anything they can to stop it happening, and avoid the foods they perceive 'poisoned' them. However, unlike us emets, they don't OBSESS about it. It's one thing to worry whenyou think it's going to happen, but it's completely different to letting it run your life, occupy your thoughts daily etc., which it doesto alot of emets. For example, I hate spiders but I rarely give them a second thought until I see one, my 'fear' doesn't run my life. If I do see one though, I throw a wobbly! I guess many people view v* in this way.


If you're concerned about your son though, and you feel this is affecting him daily, then you should talk to your doctor.

[madisonsmom]

I think I have made my son like he is. He watched me with handwashing and such and just thinks the v* is the worst thing in the world.

[e-lizabeth]

you guys all sound like me, and valkyriegirl, your son sounds exactly like my daughter, who's 7. and of course we all feel guilt, but we need to take that guilt and turn it into concrete positive action. I've had lots of talks with my therapist about how to help my daughter.


One thing we need to remember is that our children are not us. and even if they did inherit the predisposition to emetophobia, or anxiety, they're not having the same childhoods we did , and the outcomes may very well be different.


Val, where in Canada are you?

[jodi054]

i just hope and pray both my children dont end up feeling the way i do about it ... [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[valkyriegrl]

e-lizabeth, I'm in Cambridge, Ontario! Where are you?

[sage]

Hi Valkyriegrl,


Welcome to the site. E-liz is so right. And I think by your description that you're doing the very best you can with your son. I have 3 grown kids and wouldn't even be in the house if they were sick, and if they ever got sick in the car I'd pull over and run screaming down the street. None of the 3 are the least bit emetophobic and they're all adults now!


But the thing is, I talked very rationally to them and told them "Mommy has a phobia because of what happened to mommy when she was little. In real life, vomiting is nothing to be afraid of. I know my fear doesn't make sense, but I can't fix it just yet. One day I will [and I did!]" I also told them (and myself) you're NOT emetophobic - the kids, that is...you just don't like it and no one does.


Try to talk rationally to them, and put on the best "act" you can when they get sick. Let them know the truth - that YOU are scared, but that you have a condition due to what happened to you as a kid [your mom's phobia would be a bit part of that, I'm sure], but that they aren't like you....they're just kids and it's unpleasant and no one likes to do it.


That should help them a lot....anyway, it seems like you're on the right track.


Good luck! [I'm in Vancouver, btw...but E-liz is closer to you!]

[japa]

I'm pretty certain that children can develop emetophobia from modeling the anxieties of an emetophobic parent. But I don't think that it's like a mathematical equation like 2+2 =4. There are so many other variables to consider -- the child's own temperament, what the parent tells the child about the emet, what other influences the child has besides the parent and so on.


Let's see: My mother was terrified of riding an elevator (when it was inevitable that we had to ride one, goodness what an embarrassing scene). My sister ended up being terrified of riding an elevator as well. She would freak out. Her boyfriend made fun of her for clutching his hand so tightly. Finally in hermid twenties, she began to get over this.


Now, my mom's elevator phobiasomehow had an effect on my sister but not on me.I just couldn't understand the problem, and Ihave never felt afraid of an elevator. Why did it affect my sister and not me? I don't know.


But at any rate,I think that it'sreally a no brainer to say thatmy sister and I were at a higher risk fordeveloping a phobia of elevators after observing my mom's fearful behavior. Children learn from their parents.Someofwhat they learn they accept.Some of it, they reject. Some of it gets absorbed without their even realizing how it got there.


But it's nothing to beat ourselves up about.There aren't any perfect parents or perfect anything. We all have our flaws and problems.I think though that our awareness and sensitivity to theeffects we can have on our children will help us tominimize the transfer of our anxiety or to get help for ourkids if they show signs. It's the parents who aren't introspective about their actions that probably cause the most problems for theirkids, I think.

[valkyriegrl]

Speaking about temperament, my son is the prime candidate for phobias - he's a huge worrywart! He's terrified of people in costumes, he can't stand to see animals talking(not cartoons, but if there was a live-action animal thing where they gave the animals human voices, he gets freaked out) he's afraid of his face looking different - he had chicken pox really, really bad a couple of weeks ago and his face was absolutely COVERED with sores, he saw himself in the mirror when it was at its worst and he had a total meltdown, he made us take down all the mirrors in the house and he stayed away from all reflective surfaces for a solid week! We went to a local summer festival called Riverfest where he and his sister got his face painted, and he asked to be a tiger. Well, the girl finished up, showed him his face in the mirror, and he screamed! He was like "Take it off! I don't want to be a tiger anymore!" He's afraid of clowns, bugs, the dark, being arrested(I can't figure that one out), I'm sure there are others that I can't think of right now...but on the other hand, he loves the idea of ghosts, he can spend hours reading old gravestones in the graveyard(I really love old cemeteries and so does he, so we have a game where we go looking for as many stones with the name 'James' on it, (his name), and there's extra points if we can find one with his first and last name! I mean, this kid can watch Beetlejuice and not be the slightest bit afraid, it's so funny! Go figure. He's just a really anxious kid, and it's no surprise to me, he's pretty much a carbon copy of me when I wasa kid - basically the only difference is his gender! If anyone will become an emetophobe, it'll be him!

[katsamsmom]

my 11 year old understands my fear but my 8 yr old is too young to understand. like today...she was s* and only v'd 3 times betweeb 9am and 11"15 am.....less than 3 hours.....but had d on and off today. I was by myself...hubby at work and a basket case. I put a 2 way radio in her room and was constantly asking her "how do you feel" does your tummy hut" do you feel n" She thinks it is funny when i ask her so many times. I am not sure WHAT she had today...but she was in good spirits and cracked jokes. I would go with her to the bathroom so i could make sure she washed her hands and i would spray the toilet with lysol....she wouls pretend she was going to V on me. STINKER! I do NOT want my kids to have this phobia. And I have told my 11 yr old that. She understands how i feel and when she is s (she gets alot of migranes) she always calls for her daddy. And if he is not around she will shut the door and then tell me "you can go spray lysol now"


Now ia m just scared to get this.She did not have fever.

[valkyriegrl]

I'm sure that if there was no fever it's nothing catching. I'm pretty sure all sv's are accompanied by fever and body aches. I'm a compulsive lysol sprayer, too! I actually go to the length of wearing gloves when there's a sickie in the house! When I was living at home, my mom had a 'sick towel' rule : there was one towel set aside in the bathroom, well away from all the others, for the sick person/people to use for hand drying, showers, etc. Every time any of us went towards the bathroom during a virus outbreak she'd firmly remind us about the towel, which was an excellent idea because you know how nasty and germy towels can be! Sv's didn't spread easily in my house - on top of the towel thing, we were given a stainless steel bowl, a plate of dry toast, a glass of water and then were pretty much confined to our rooms until the contagion had passed! I can still remember my mom barking, "Little bites only, nibble on the toast! Take teeny tiny sips of water, don't gulp, you'll be sick!" It really made a difference, though, I can count on one hand the number of times I v* in my life, even as a child!

[Scattycat]

He may not be an emet... in my psychology class at the beginning of the year, we learned that if someone eats a food, and then v* after eating it, whether the v* was related to the food or not, more than likely the person will not want to eat that food again. It's a survival instinct, people learned to avoid food they v* after eating in case it was poisonous, and now that is just a human trait. And, most people don't like v*, so he may just cry because he really hates it, not because he's really scared of it? good luck, though,*hopefully his emet-symptoms don't get any worse* but even if he does, yeah its a good chance its hereditary, so you wouldn't have caused his emet by your behavior.

I have to agree with this - only last night my boyfriend was sick he thinks from the scampi he ate for lunch and said that he won't be eating it again!!!

I don't think you can inherit emet, certainly nobody else in my family is. Isn't it a psychological problem?

[e-lizabeth]

I live in Vaughan, Ontario - not too far. My daughter sounds really similar to your son, Valkyriegirl.....pm me when you get a chance.

[crimgoddess]

good luck, though,hopefully his emet-symptoms don't get any worse but even if he does, yeah its a good chance its hereditary, so you wouldn't have caused his emet by your behavior.

I don't think you can inherit emet, certainly nobody else in my family is. Isn't it a psychological problem?

Emetophobia, specifically, is not genetically inheritable. However, genetics may make an individual morelikelyto develop anxiety issues, and emetophobia is an anxiety disorder.


So, if you have a child that genetically is more likely to be an anxious person, and then expose him to your own anxiety related to vomit/vomitting, it is a lot more likely that they become emetophobics as well. Kids can sense when their parents aren't at ease, and view their parents, especially the same sex parent, as their role models for how to "be" an adult. It's not hard for them to make the connection of "if mommy or daddy is scared of it, it must be really bad".


However, there is no exact format of A + B = C. Some kids may have many factors which would make them likely to develop emet, yet don't. Others may have only a few, yet still end up with this fear to an extreme extent. Every person is different, and the chain of events needed to have this end result varies from person to person.


So, whereas this phobia is not directly genetically inheritable, there are genetic factors which may work to tip the scales in that direction. A parent's own behaviour CAN affect where this anxiety is directed, and thus may be related to their child developing emetophobia. Or it may not- it definitely depends on the child and other things going on in their lives.


I don't think knowledge is necessarily a bad thing, or should be used to make people feel badly about themselves or their skills as a parent. If anything, it should be used as incentive to go into treatment or to make positive steps towards getting over this- not only for yourselves but for your children. That, and if your children are young you can keep an eye out for signs that they experience anxiety relating to this so you can speak with them early, and not let it get to the point that it becomes severe.


*amber*

[crimgoddess]

lol- just realized that I had regurged a lot of what was said already. Serves me right for not reading the entire thread all the way through!


Sorry dudes,


*amber*