Something has got to give

[shiva]

Ya know, I kinda thought that since my daughter was growing older (she's almost 10), that this whole phobia thing where she is concerned would kind of let up and things might become easier... Boy was I wrong.. We often have a friend of hers tagging along with us to do fun stuff since she's an only child. It's not too much fun at this age to just tag along with mom or dad, you know? So, I have had 4 experiences in the past couple of months where I thought the friend who was with us was going to be sick and it freys my freaking nerves to hell. I don't deal with it very well. Soon these parents are going to not let their children hang out here becauseI am a f***ing fruit cake.


I will sum these experiences up quickly for some history. A couple of months ago I was driving my daughter and her friend Zoe to volleyball when I was rear ended. Zoe was very upset, I guess in shock. She turned green and thought she was going to be sick. (she had also just eaten FOUR bagels at my house prior to.. don't ask me, she was hungry I guess) I never thought I would make it home safely, asking her every minute the whole way back home if she was going to be sick or not.. Telling her it was important to let me know so that I could pull off the road if she needed me to. We made it home okay. Whew, thank God.


Then about a month ago we were going shopping and her other friend got a little car sick in my car. Never vomited, but asked for air and did not look good. Her mom was home sick, so I just panicked and assumed that she was getting whatever her mom had. Drove her straight home. She was crying. I thought it was because she was sick, but it was because I was crazy. Her mom recently asked me what the problem is...


Last weekend I took my daughter and her friend Alyssa on a bike ride. When we returned to the car Alyssa tells me her tummy hurts. (this time I handle it okay because my endorphins are still high from excercise I think) because although I was a little anxious, I didn't panic. She actually ended up staying the night.


So then yesterday comes... Alyssa's mom asked if we could watch her all day and over night. I said of course. It was hot and crappy here today and the kids were outside all day. Alyssa got a headache. I called her mom to ask what to do for her because the kids were supposed to go with my ex to a festival for the night. She told me to make her drink water and give her asprin. We left to meet the ex and I stopped to pick the girls up some food. At this time her headache was in her eye. When we got inside the resturant she immediately went to the bathroom and was there for a good 15 min. I sent my daughter to check on her. She was in the bathroom crying. She said she didn't get sick and was fine. I think she was afraid to tell me what was going on because this kid totally knows my deal. She wanted to eat a little. But she was shaking and kept saying she didn't feel good and wanted her mom. We were 20 min away from home and I was terrified to put her in my car. The ex came shortly after and drove her home (we ended up calling the grandma to come get her.) She called me 2 hours later and told me that she was fine. Just dehydrated from the heat and lack of water. She ate and rested and felt so much better.


What bothers me most is that I sat in that resturant seriously wanting to die. All I could think of is that I wanted to get in my car and drive it into a tree. I couldn't handle the feelings that I was having. Victor (fiance) asked me last night what it feels like (my panic) and the best explanation I could give is that the feeling people get when they are being startled that only lasts a second... It's like that startle feeling constant and magnified for as long as the anxiety lasts. I have descri

[sherbear]

OMG Shiva, were you and I seperated at birth? (emet twins...lol)I swear I could have written your post myself. I don't know how oftenI have wanted to die because of this stupid fear. I hate it. So many times have I found myself sobbing, pissed off at myself and at God. I've told my husband I would give almost anything to be "normal"....my hearing, eyesight, even a limb. I know I've said this before, but having emet sometimes feels like a punishment, especially when I see other moms doing all the things I can't. I wonder 'what the hell did I do to deserve this?'





And I am so with you when you say that this fear isn't just about v*ing, at least for me anyway. I was royally screwed up as a child and I think my anxiety caused by the disfunctional home life needed something to focus on and since v*ing isn't really pleasant and can be kinda scary for kids, coupled with the fact that my parents wouldn't take care of me when I was sick, I became (and am still all these years later) an emetophobe.





Just remember, as crappy as things can get sometimes I'm here for you.Edited by: sherbear

[Galadriel]

I can very much understand when you say this phobia is multi-faceted.
I've seen it in myself too. Its like there's a deeper problem, but it
latches onto v*ing and kind of diverts off into a horrible fear of
v*ing. I think at least with myself its one big fat control issue, and
its not just emet, its in other areas too that I see it. Its just the
control issues really play out in emetophobia, like it channels itself
into this horrible fear. Does that make any sense?



I do think you are right tho in that just making yourself v* isn't
going to get rid of it (at least not if there is an underlying issue(s)
in your case of emet). The root cause behind the emet has to be dealt
with before your emet free.

[shiva]

Sherbear,


Thank you so much for your response. It means a lot to me. I found it especially interesting when you said that emet sometimes feels like a punishment because last night I kept saying over and over 'What did I do to deserve this?'. I think we must have been emet twins seperated at birth indeed! LOL!


On the bright side I have spent time evaluating my situation and have decided that I need to take more time to work on myself. I spend my whole life running through everything. I think I do this so that I don't think about things that get to me. Every day of my life I don't stop from the moment I wake until the moment my head hits the pillow. Even while I fall asleep I have to watch t.v. in order to 'not think'. I think it might be time for me to process and reflect. I am just now processing what happened in my life when my parents were divorced when I was 10. Hell, I still have an abusive ex husband, a divorce and the death of my grandpa's to process. These issues I have just completely ignored. I definitely think it adds to my anxieties, you know?

[shiva]

Galadriel,


Thanks so much for responding. I totally understand what you are saying and completely agree. I was thinking last night how easy it must be to have a fear of something like earth worms or spiders. We sure have a doozy of a phobia on our hands, don't we? Yes, it has to be true... Something deeper and more complex has had to have connected itself with our fears. I think for many of us it goes so deep that we aren't even aware. What I find myself wondering is if I knew andfully understood my issues, would that help me become better? Is it necessary to understand the root of this problem in order to confront it? I used to think not, but now I am thinking it might be a fundamental part of growth and getting past some feelings.

[Galadriel]

Galadriel,


Thanks so much for responding. I totally understand what you
are saying and completely agree. I was thinking last night how
easy it must be to have a fear of something like earth worms or
spiders. We sure have a doozy of a phobia on our hands, don't
we? Yes, it has to be true... Something deeper and more complex
has had to have connected itself with our fears. I think for many
of us it goes so deep that we aren't even aware. What I find
myself wondering is if I knew andfully understood my issues,
would that help me become better? Is it necessary to understand
the root of this problem in order to confront it? I used to think
not, but now I am thinking it might be a fundamental part of growth and
getting past some feelings.

Yeah sometimes I too think man what a phobia to get socked with, but I
wonder if other phobias have the same thing where there are deeper
issues behind it? Or if the issues behind other phobias are as complex?


In a way I think it is necessary to understand the root of the problem,
but then I think, okay I know most all this is revolving around control
issues, lots of my problems (heck probably all of them) stem from this,
and I know I got these issues growing up, and some of them I've gotten
a lot better on, but the control issue is still there and I don't know
how I would completely eliminate that. Maybe its become a part of me
that I can't? And is this so with others? Its just hard to know what to
do with it, because even knowing what the issue is, its still a matter
of how on earth do you resolve something as complex as that?

[valkyriegrl]

I believe that a lot of phobias are rooted in other traumas, too. My grandmother for instance. She spent most of her teen years in a prisoner camp in Indonesia during the Second World War, where she saw her family get split up, her father die, her and her brothers almost starve to death. Even now, in her early eighties she still has irrational phobias, like running water at night( a river or a stream), wild dogs attacking her while out walking(she won't walk anywhere), fear of wide open spaces, boats, agoraphobia - some of these have some relevance to the war, while others don't, but it's pretty safe to say that all of the fears have root in the disturbances early in her life.

[happyteacher]

Oh Shiva,I totally understand where you are coming from.


As Sherbear said, I also could have written your post myself! That feeling of utter and complete panic is the worst thing in the world! I think what we fear most is the lost of control we associate with v*. I have a BIG problem with feeling out of control. I'm here to tell you that we aren't "fruitcakes" or weird or mental or anything else. We just got dealt a raw deal. Do you go for therapy? I have been for a year and a half and I am just starting to see that things will get better.


I think you are right, you do need to get yourself organized. We deserve that. Then, you can make the decision to have another baby or not.


I know about wanting to get better. With help, we will, but not alone.


happyteacher