Dealing with a torturous brother.

[mayinga]

I am a 15 year old emetophobic girl, and I'd like to tell a story about my eleven-year-old brother. Yesterday, we were going on a walk together and he said he felt sick. I have worked so much to get over my phobia that this didn't bother me at all. I just said, "Ok, then let's head home." so we started walking back home...and I kind of knew he was faking it. He was riding his scooter, so I mean, who would do that if they felt sick? He WAS faking it, but just to bother me, he started leaning over and making throw up noises. This didn't scare me, just annoyed me. "Stop it, please." I kept calm and said that several times. But by the time we were almost home, he had gotten me running and screaming help. I almost went to the neighbor's house so I could get away from him. Instead I went inside and locked myself in a room. I said, "You know how I get about v**, Daniel. I'm having a panic attack, just leave me alone and I'll get over it and come out and help you." But he kept trying to barge in, screaming "I'm trying tohelp you! You need help! You have to get OVER THIS!" and I told him I was doing self-therapy and this was only making it worse.So I just sat there, trying to hold the door closed, sweating, shaking, and every once in awhile I'd yell HELP uncontrollabley. But he wouldn't stop. Eventually he got in partway, and I didn't want to hurt him so I just stepped over him and ran downstairs to lock myself in the bathroom. Then of course, he comes down and tries to get in but I don't let him. So he says that he hurt his leg, and being a self-taught nurse that I am, he expected me to help and get him some ice. I ask,


"Do you want some ice?"
"Yeahh it hurts!" he replied.


So I opened the door, trying to slowly get out of the room, and he COMES IN AND SHUTS THE DOOR and I freak out and try to get the hell out of there. I was pretty sure he was going to make himself throw up or something, because that's what he wanted to do to 'get me over it.' Thank god my mom came home after a while, but it just went on and on...it was awful. I have to live with this all the time. Any ideas for help? Thank you, my friends.

[daffodil]

That sounds scary. It is not your brother's job to "help" you with your phobia. If you want help, there are many ways of going about it, but him acting sick, and trying to force you into "exposure therapy" is not one of them. Do your parents know about your phobia? Are they supportive? If you haven't already, there is some good information in the sticky posts at the top of the "treatments" section.

[mayinga]

My parents know-they're semi-supportive, but they both still think it's rediculous..thanks for the help. I'll check out the treatments section.

[suze]

Your brother sounds a real terror! You poor thing. I have two kids and I know how cruel they can be to each other. To be honest, this is an issue for your parents to deal with; your brother is young and needs discipline from them. Could you tell them how terrified you were? Tell them that you know they think it's ridiculous but nevertheless it doesn't help you and in fact makes things worse. Perhaps they could talk to him and tell him that if it happens again they will ground him, withdraw some privileges etc. He's taunting you and that's wrong, however 'ridiculous' the issue may seem.


Hope you manage to sort things.

[tcsarah]

Oh no the little devil! I also think you need to talk to your parents about your brother and get them give your brother a good talking to, or at least try and explain how cruel he is beingand making your phobia worse. If this doesn't work, as a last resort is there anything he doesn't like like insects/spiders or something? You could threaten him(I'm not saying you should actually go through with it, as afterall he's only eleven) that if he winds you up again about your emetophobia you will go and fetch that thing he's scared of and make him face his fear head on too!

[samara's on tv]

My sister does stuff like that to me all the time and she's 18 and I'm 21! I only really see her on the weekends but she'll pretend like she's not feeling well so I won't come near her and so she can monopolize the upstairs TV. She also thinks it's HILARIOUS to make gagging noises and pretend to gag. Sometimes it doesn't bother me but sometimes I just want to beat her face in. Have you tried explaining to your brother that it's something you fear? Is there anything he's afraid of? IF there is try to explain to him that you fear V*ing as much as he fears [blank]. That might work.


~Monica

[Galadriel]

Man siblings can be horrible. Is there anything that he is afraid of? If you know of something (oh like say spiders or whatever), then maybe try and confront him with his own fears, and if you have to try and force exposure on him and then tell him its not very funny is it? Some people like that need to just have the same done back to them to realize how not funny that is.

[confusedgirl]

my sister does that sometimes too!! I hate it. normally I will end up doing something like hitting her ( >.> ) or yelling at her, and then I get in trouble... my parents think she is being funny, and that I am overreacting. they all think it's stupid that I havea fear like this, they think it's something I could just "get over" if I felt like it one day -_-'' she is almost 16 btw, and I am 18. it sucks. there is really nothing that she is this afraid of, all the things that she even does have a small fear of are situational even (like elevators... which I have no problem with). she will make the gagging noises, or pretend to be sick, or talk about how she feels sick.. we were out to a family dinner last night, and she started making the gagging noises at the table!! I asked to leave the table, and my mom just got so mad at me, and said I was being unreasonable! and then she grounded me from being able to go out last night with my friend, because I got mad at my sister! it really sucks when family is so non-understanding... it's times like that I'm glad I'm moving out in a few months! Good luck everyone else with less-than understanding families!!

[Galadriel]

Geez Confused Girl, your family sounds horrid! It just sucks when of all people family act like that. Mine were pretty crass about it too growing up, and its awful.

[daffodil]

Yuck! Gagging at the dinner table? I think many families would not tolerate this emet or not. Nobody wants to hear that when they are eating.

[confusedgirl]

o my family is nice, I wasn't trying to put across the idea that they're not ^^;;; we just don't get along very well a lot of the time... mostly my fault though, I do act like a jerk to them a lot, I'm the one who gets bad grades (or skips..) school, uses up all the phone minutes, and leave my stuff lying all over the house. and I talk back all the time to my parents if I feel like I'm being unfairly yelled at (or just if I'm in a bad mood, too...). my sister always acts so nice to my parents, though, and she gets great grades (which is very highly valued in my family) so I think they just get along with her better, and let her get away with stuff... they also think that my emet is purely for attention... there's really no way that they can understand what it's like to be an emet, unless they were one or had another phobia. o and my sister is very sneaky, she doesn't do the full gag sound, just like the neck movement and a quiet little noise... when my parents are looking away. so all they see is me get mad at her, so they think that I have made it up. they don't believe that she is doing stuff, when she is... but o well. I was just mad when I wrote that post, because it's frustrating when families don't understand, but I do have a good family.

[chicajojobe]

Having an younger brother myself I have some experience in this area. (My brother is 17 so thankfully he's old enough to be mature about it)

Most likely your brother is amused by the fact that he can freak you out, and he's just excusing it by parroting things he's heard your parents say about "you HAVE to get over this."

Your best bet is to react as little as possible. If he starts making gagging sounds again, ignore it and act</span> calm even if you're terrified inside. If he sees early on that you aren't reacting, he might lose interest.

Also if there's anything he fears, the turn about is fair play theory might actually be effective here like people were saying. Obviously, he isn't responding to your reasoning when you were telling him that he wasn't helping you, so if you confront him with something he fears or is disgusted by and then say to him "I feel the same way you do right now when you try to make yourself vomit around me"

Well...there's nothing like a taste of their own medicine to spur people to be a little bit more compassionate.


Edited by: chicajojobe

[valkyriegrl]

I SO hate when people try to antagonize you for a laugh.You know, if you can, maybe try and suppress your reaction. Keep calm, act like you don't care! He's only doing it to get a rise out of you because he knows it bugs you. Also, I would try talking to your parents about it - tell them that everyone has their fears, no matter how ridiculous they might seem to other people, and they should respect your feelings.