10 yr old asks everyday - Updated 4/2004

[moods]

My name is Gary and I originally posted my experience in April 2004.


Here is the original post.


http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/for...sp?TID=20& KW=moods


It is time for an update.


She is now13. She is gorgeous. She is still a straight A student. She has friends. She is very active, especially at dance - LOVES IT. She is especially good at it as well, she has made it into many "try out" performances like the Kirov Ballet when they came to <st1:City w:st="&#111;n">Detroit</st1:City> and into a special Russian dance camp in <st1:City w:st="&#111;n"><st1lace w:st="&#111;n">Chicago</st1lace></st1:City>. We try to support her in this extra curricular activity as I personally believe this phobia is held at bay by a busy body and a busy mind. I find if she is reading or dancing or biking or really anything, the thought is there (it is always there), but less severe.


Wehave dropped 2 psychologists. I have had zero luck or confidence in their ability to help.(No offense SAGE) For the most part, my wife and I are very educated and I find we have done the research and tried everything these professionals suggest. The final straw was when the <st1:Street w:st="&#111;n"><st1:address w:st="&#111;n">last Dr.</st1:address></st1:Street> suggested my daughter come and just have "play and thought time" with her. I really didn't need to pay this Dr. $125/hour to have my daughter color pictures in her office in silence.


So we go on. She has now turned her comments into, "I am worried." We look at her and say everything is alright. She might repeat the same phrase 20 times. We reassure her every time, even if it takes 50 times and this is not an exaggeration. I like this phrase better because the focus is on her, as opposed to "Are you sure?" putting the focus on my wife and I. I think in a small way this is a step forward. She must realize it is up to her to control this thing.


Wehave seen a bit of expansion of the phobia, not wanting to eat at certain restaurants based on appearance or lack of cleanliness or reputationof the facility. If she has heard of someone getting sick after eating at a certain restaurant - for get it. We have tried our best to make sure this expansion is minimized by reassurance. She is most concerned about be around sick people. If she ever senses somebody is ill, she freaks out. Seriously, she won't go near them. Personally, this might not be such a bad thing. Although I feel bad for the person that has a slight cold and gets treated as if they had the plague.


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[Galadriel]

Wow that is just great that you are so into helping your daughter with this. She is very lucky to have great parents like you and your wife. It must be so hard to watch her struggle with this. I wish I could tell you "do this and she'll be cured of this phobia", but then if I could I wouldn't be here much either. That is great that she is so into dance and good at it. Hobbies do help a lot because they keep your mind on other things.

[csjones]

It sounds like you are doing a great job with her! The thing about emetophobia is that most, if not all of us very RARELY become ill. It IS ironic but true. We spend our whole lives freaking out about something that in some cases NEVER happens to us! It is totally irrational, and I am sure she is very aware of that in her logical mind. I certainly always have been, and I first developed it when I was 6. Don't let her feel shame because of it, though.

[fendergirl2020]

HI gary, I don't know if you will reply to any of these but I'll tell you what I think anyway. I am now 24 and I've been emetophobic since I was 4 (haven't vomited since then). It never was a problem to me unless I was faced with it, like if I was around someone who was sick or said they felt sick I would worry constantly. My mum was always the one who I'd go to for help with my worries. But 3 years ago the phobia got so bad for some reason and I honestly don't know why. I ended up waking up every morning EXPECTING to feel sick, if I felt good it felt like there was something wrong with me. Weird I know. But I went through an intense therapy course and they came to the conclusion that people around me weren't helping me by "mollycoddling" me.


When I was feeling really bad, all I wanted was for someone to say "you're not going to be sick, you're fine". So I would feel better because of the reassurance. But what I realised in therapy was that it was a vicious circle, I'd feel ill, need someone to tell me I was fine, I would cheer up a bit, then the next day I'd be back to square one. My therapist was quite strict with me in that she told me in order to get better I had to start relying on myself and not other people to make me feel better. They were my comfort blanket.Of course your daughter is much younger than me but reading everything you have to say about her, she seems like a very special person indeed. Maybe you and your wife could consider very gently telling your daughter that you will always help her, but she has an extremely full life ahead of her and she should try to move on from the "I am worried" thing, as it may get worse as she gets older and may hold her back from fulfilling her potential.