Anyone ever feel like this?

[Galadriel]

Sometimes I get freaked because I think how I don't want things to change, and I want them to stay the way they are forever, like freeze time. I get thinking how the older you get the older others do too, and then those around you start to pass away and stuff, and that just sucks. I know its an inevitable part of living on earth, but sometimes I get afraid I'd go nuts or something or just wither away and drop dead myself because I couldnt' handle it.

[californiagirl]

I know how you feel--I've felt the same way too. I thought that I would want to die when my Mom died. It was very depressing. My grandma died in 1994 and I was very close to her as well. Since losing my Mom, who was also my best friend, lif truly has not been the same. There seems to be a sort of gray cloud over my everyday life. So, what I try to tell myself is that she would be soooo proud of what I have achieved since she died, and would want me to be happy.


Once in a while, I go into a depressed state to where I don't think I could bear to lose anyone else, and wish that I could bring the ones that I did lose back. I would love to spend just one more day with my deceased loved ones. As far as freezing time, I wishI could have done that in 1989, when everyone was alive and I lived in the place I loved, and I had no man hurting me or ruining my life. That's when I was truly my happiest.


My advice is to be thankful and love your family to the fullest, because you never know what may happen. Just treasure every day that you can spend with them.


I hope I didn't veer off subject too much, but I have strong feelings about this, and am still somewhat depressed and can't "shake" this gray cloud feeling, so I can relate somewhat to how you feel.

[curly wurly]

I feel the same. I dread everyone and myself getting older for fear of losing loved ones. Until 4 years ago I still had 3 grandparents and 1 great grandma. Last week my graet grandma died and now I just have one grandad left. I went to visit him in a nursing home yesterday and he is really unwell with a chest infection and his kidneys are failing. He held my hand and was so cold and thin. He hardly speaks anymore, but when I was leaving he cried and begged to come with me. It is horrible to see him like this when he was always so strong.


Charlene, I really feel for you losing your mum. My mum is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. You are very brave and it is good advice you gave to treasure every day with the ones you love.

[Galadriel]

I am so sorry for your losses. I think when those close to us start to go, then it kind of hits you like "oh crap people can and will die!" and I think a lot of our lives we try and either deny it, or put it off, but sooner or later a grandparent goes, or a parent even, and then you can't help but think of it. My Grandma died just this last April, and so now I just have one set of Grandparents left. It just sucks, and yeah I basically dread everyone getting older and passing on. I guess somehow you do handle it, but like you said California Girl, it just isn't the same after. I just dread if my husband were to go before me, because then it feels like I may as well just lay down and die too. Ugh.

[californiagirl]

I feel the same. I dread everyone and myself getting older for fear of losing loved ones. Until 4 years ago I still had 3 grandparents and 1 great grandma. Last week my graet grandma died and now I just have one grandad left. I went to visit him in a nursing home yesterday and he is really unwell with a chest infection and his kidneys are failing. He held my hand and was so cold and thin. He hardly speaks anymore, but when I was leaving he cried and begged to come with me. It is horrible to see him like this when he was always so strong.


Charlene, I really feel for you losing your mum. My mum is my best friend and I can't imagine life without her. You are very brave and it is good advice you gave to treasure every day with the ones you love.

Thank you[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img].


I almost cried reading your post! I feel for you--seeing your grandfather cry must have been so hard! Sickness is terrible, and so incredibly hard to watch a loved one go through their last days. My Mom's last day will be embedded in my mind forever and I still cry when I think of it. One positive thing is, is that I have a video of her telling me that she loves me, days before her death. So, also, pictures and videos, everyone, are important! After someone's passing, you will want to view these often.





GALADRIEL~~I wish I could say "life goes on...", and some people do say that, but gosh, really, how can I not be affected for the rest of my days, by the fact that I can never talk to my Mom again or see her face? It's almost like I refuse to accept that.


I know what you mean, that losing your grandparents came first, you have one set left, then you lose your parents. It's a harsh thing to realize. We so badly want them to live as long as we do, to have them here. it really does suck to realize that they're sick and will die. If you find aneasy way to accept this, please share it with me, because i'm having a hard time here. I can't get certain thoughts out of my head about my Mom (while in the nursing home, she'd get so happy when we'd bring her fave foods in, and her eyes would light up), then I cry so hard! Ugh, she was only 54.Edited by: californiagirl

[kate1966]

Strange how you would post this on this day......I turn 40 today....and i have been crying alot lately thinking about how my parents are going to be gone at some point. My mom is 75 and my dad is 71 adn is in horrible health. I just so happened to go by my dad's parents gravesite last night...it all starts making you think about how like you said, you want to freeze time and make it stand still. My son just turned 16 and i feel so sad b/c my life is going by so fast. I don't mine getting older, but it just makes me more aware that my parents are not going to be here for alot longer. I will absolutely be devastated and utterly crushed when they pass. I will not know how to function anymore without them. I want my children to stay under the age of 18 but i know they can't. I have thought so much about my life lately and what i have not accomplished, and where i have failed myself and my family...especially my kids...and it makes me soooooooooooooo sad and breaks my heart into. I can't go back and change anything now, but if i could, i certainly would. I want my dad to be healthy but he's not...he will more than likely die from emphysema very soon. He's had a heart attack, stroke, lung cancer, and now emphysema....and is on oxygen, and struggles for every breath he takes. It breaks my heart watching him every day trying to breathe. He adores my 2 sons and when he passes, it will be unbearable to me and my family. I hate talking about all of this, but what better place...where no one cares about who you are and only listens. I tell you what, turning 40 has made me see things so differently....well it's been happening for about 6 months now...just thinking about life, and the reasons for everything. It's all so confusing, and scary, and wonderful at the same time. Anyway, thinks for listening if you have read all of this today I hope everyone here has a wonderful day, and a wonderful life, and i hope all of you know how truely blessed we really are to be here on this earth, and that we all should love one another no matter what and be kind to our loved ones and family and friends....I love all of you, and i really don't even know you all at all, but we do share one common thing, even if it's something bad, we do share it and i know deep down inside, we will be there for each other....Kate

[hippychick]

I feel different. My dad died when I was 10 years old so I think I learned pretty early on that life changes and people die. Also what always fascinates me is the fact some people are so scared to think or talk about death that they make no plans for their families and children. I know it's not nice to think of but I urge any parent I know to put plans in place. I've known forever that should my mum die, who I need to contact, where all the important papers are and what she would like to happen. I've been called morbid by other people in the past but I think it's a hard lesson we learned when my dad died and we had to pick ourselves back up.

I do obviously want my mum and family to be around for many years to come, but I don't fear dying, I fear not getting everything done before I die. I fear wasting my time on irrelevant things b/c I know how short life is and that's what I find frustrating about emetophobia. Don't get me wrong, should anyone in my family die I will be completely crushed at losing them, but it doesn't worry me on a daily basis b/c I want to enjoy every last second I have with them.

My mum has always said to me that the only certain thing in life is that we will die. Again it sounds so morbid I know but she just wants me to live my life to the full and not look back and regret the things I didn't do. Sometimes the thought of losing my mum too is unbearable, I honestly don't know where I would be without her but I feel if we allow the deaths of others to crush who we are then we are not living really and that's not how they would want it.

That said, there is no time limit on grief and we can only move on when we're ready to do so.

It's taken me 12 really hard years to get to the point where i can live my life fully again and not carry around the burden and sadness about what happened with my dad. Obviously it still affects me at times but mostly I just remember all the good stuff he did for me and how amazing he was.
Edited by: hippychick

[crimgoddess]

Hippychick- I get what you are saying. I have had people close to me die- and while it has affected me, it's not something I can really allow myself to dwell on or let it affect me to the point where my life is starting to deteriorate. The way I see it, if I become a mess after someone dies, then really two tragedies have occured, as I'm sure they would not have wanted me to react that way. When I get sad, I prefer to think back to the funny crap that we did together, or the goodtimes that were had- as I'm sure that's how the people would prefer me to remember them.


I am also not a spiritual person- death to me seems like an inevitability, and not something that should be fought against or ignored as an inevitability. Because of this, I want to get things done while I can, because I don't want it ever to be a shock when "oh crap, my life is over...to bad I didn't do _______ ".


Yes, it would be great to some extent if we could freeze time so we can have all our loved ones around- but the trade-off with that is that we would also miss out on so much else. Yes, people die, and it will hurt like hell- but other people are born, families are created, children become adults, and adults become elderly; to shut down one part of this cycle means that the other parts would not be.


*amber*

[Galadriel]

I guess for me it just scares me, I mean I wonder how could I go on without this person? Thats what freaks me out, the loss of them.
Edited by: Galadriel

[hippychick]

It scares me more to be so reliant on someone that I could not go on without them. But that's probably issues I have as a throwback from my dad lol

[dreamer]

Galadriel, I could have written your post. I have no issues or vanity about myself ageing - for me the worst part is the inevitable loss of loved ones. I lost my dad three years ago and I still can't believe the world doesn't have him in it. It's made me more obsessed about my mum's health. I do believe in life after death though, and it comforts me to think we'll be reunited one day.


Curlywurly, I really feel for you about your grandad. My dad was in a nursing home too. He had dementia and wasn't really aware of his surroundings,but it was still awful to see him there and leave after each visit. I really envy you the fact that you've had grandparents well into your adult life! I have lovely childhoodmemories of all of mine, but it would have been nice to know them as an adult. And I'd have loved them to meet my children.


Kate - thanks for the good wishes. I'm sorry your dad is having such a tough time, and hope it gets easier for him.

[daffodil]

This thread is making me think of my grandmother. She is my last living grandparent, and she will turn 90 this December. Me and my family went for a visit last February, and I felt so bad when we had to leave. I had not seen her in years, b/c she lives across the country, and it's expensive to travel. God, that sounds like such a lame excuse. It was her first time meeting my girls, who are 1 and 3, and it was beautiful watching her with them. How happy they made her.
My mom has moved back there, to be closer and help her out a bit, as she is nearly blind now. But they do not get along well, and it is taking it's toll on my mom. I have been thinking about going there to live and help out. My grandmother has done so much for me and everyone in the family, and I wish I could be there to help her clean, take her grocery shopping and stuff. When I was on the phone with her the other day, she was saying she had misplaced her glasses, and I wished more than anything to be there to help her find them. I called my mom and told her. It was the best I could do. Sorry for the ramble.

[kate1966]

I understand completely how you feel. I really do, and yeah, you have to continue to live your life, but hell yeah, i am going to be real real sad when my parents are gone....i am not that strong to just go on with my life without major sadness and loniless. But of course we will go on, it just won't be fun.

[kate1966]

Thank you Dreamer.....wow, all the way from Scotland....that is so awesome!!!! All though we are a world apart...we suffer from something that brings us together. I honestly wish everyone on here well and want us all to get over this phobia. Thanks for blessing my father too...he came to work to see me today on my bday, and it meant so much to me.....it took alot out of him to do it...being out in this heat, not being able to breathe well....anyway, no matter what anyone else says or thinks, it's always hard to lose a loved one....and when it happens to me, i will never be the same agian.