Feeling down and confused...

Hi everyone,

I have been struggling with this issue for 3 years, and finally I decided to address it two weeks ago. I believe for me that it was from a traumatic experience in childhood...
anyways, its not so much seeing it but worrying what will happen if I do it in public. It specifically happens around my family members (the ones not involved in the traumatic experience...I feel comfortable at home, but tonight I had a negative experience even in my own home with my mother. I wasn't really feeling anxiety as we were at home but into the first couple bites of my meal, I threw up. I don't know what caused this as after it happened, I felt hungry and went right back to eating my food. I am really upset, because normally this doesn't happen in my home setting. My mom is aware of this journey I am on, and even though she is being very supportive (making more meals at home, ect.) I worry that if I do throw up, I will disapoint her. She is beginning to think the issue is her. I know deep down it isn't, but this extra pressure I put on myself when she is around certainly doesn't help. I don't want to be the one in the family with this issue...it feels like it is controlling my life and I want it to go away. Thats why I got help. But is this a sign of it getting worse? as I said... I wasnt feeling the typical anxiety I have when out in public before I threw up tonight. I am just confused, frustrated, and upset at myself for ruining another meal. any thoughts?