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its easter day. im supposed to be happy. but im not, im depressed, so unless u'd all terribly mind, im just gnna sit here and hav a little rant.
my phobia is kinda worse.. but not really considering im stuck indoors neway. but whats really getting to me, is my eating disorder.
you see, inside me i hav so many voices all shouting at me at once.
1.) emet voice - which is kinda quiet but getting louder as we speak
2.) anorexia voice - which is loud loud atm
3.) abusive childhood voice - which is extremely loud (need to hav a rant to my social workr i think)
4.) general dissing voice - which most ppl call my self esteem but it keeps me awake at night.
im just so exhausted, and iv got exams in 4 weeks, and i cant revise or do newrk, because thers too much going on and i jst wanna crawl into a little hole and never come out :(
im not losing weight, and its really annoying me. im still 6 stone, i just wanna be a little less, thats all!! so, im starving myself, hopefully that will work.
all my friends are going out this easter, but i just dont seem to be invited anywhere, they probably all know by now, i'd make sum kinda excuse as to y i cant go anyway :(
my excellent friend who wil sit and listen to me all the time abut this eating disorder (simply because she has one herself) is on holiday so i cant even speak to her :(
i just wanna cry, but i cant. i am so depressed, wanna go to sleep. god i hate this world. im so f*cked up. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]
Jen xxx [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]
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I am sorry you are having a hard time now, Jenneh.
I don't know what to tell you about the anorexia since I have never had it except that you should eat. I don't know if that will help much.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Here is a hug if you want it. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]
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i'm sorryJenneh, i don't know what to say to make you feel better. i will be praying for you though, that's all i can do.
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That is sad to hear. I wish there was something that I could say that wouldmake it all easier. I have had the emet all my life I went through 2 years of anorexia though to see me now you would never know. I always wanted to me a few pounds lighter or maybe a size or two smaller. Once you reach it though you won't be happy. The emet didn't help it though because i would never eat if I had to go somewhere, if I was nervous, if I had a test, or a competition because in all the cases I wouldn't be close to home.
I was never really envited anywhere either, but I think it is because I walways had some excuse as well as to why i couldn't go.
What ever you do though you need to eat even if it is something small. My teeth got weak because I wasn't eating enough and my hair dryed out easy. It can also make you weak and succeptable to what ever is going around. Try loosing the weight through exercise not from starving yourself.
ONE MORE ( in know I am blabbing) it doesn't help to starve yourself totally anyways because you will hit a point where your body is going to want to store everything it can so you won't lose weight. You are confusing it and making it think that there isn't food and it has to make up for that until there is food.
Anyways do something that will lift you up something that you enjoy something that is relaxing. I draw and paint. do puzzles to relaxe. If it is beautiful out go for a walk and take in the beauty of spring.
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i added u to my msn contacts jennah, in case u want to talk...i do understand your pain
snow
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thankyou guys for those replies. i would want to say i feel better, but i dont really, infact i feel worse.
my best friend basically just told me to go and kill myself, so thats nice isnt it? she said that im chosing to hang onto my past, and i cud just forget it easily if i want to. but how can u forget the feeling of being chased around the room with a knife? or being strangled? or being chucked about and hit and punched and scratched? or being made to feel like you mean nothing to the world. i dunno, i just think thats kinda a bit hard to just 'forget', just because shes had a perfect childhood.
anyway i dont wanna burden you lot anymore. thankyou for ur replies, again, and bless you all for caring, you wonderful wonderful ppl.
Jen xxxxxxxx
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Awwww Jen!!!!
**MAJOR HUGS**
I'm sorry that you're feeling so badly this Easter. [img]smileys/smilies_16.gif[/img]
And I'm sorry about your best friend. That was extremely wrong and insensitiveof her to say that.Especially after what you have been through.I wish I had a magic wand I could swish that could make you feel better, or even just put a smile on your face, butI don't...All I can do is offer my support and tell you that I'm here for you! We all are...Other than that, I really don'tknow what else to say.
I hope you feel better soon!!
If you need to talk, my AIM/MSN/Yahoo messenger screen names are all posted on that one thread, or you could just PM or e-mail me.
**HUGS**
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hey :( its not getting ne better...
i woke up feeling really really nauseous this morning :( im really scared that.. you know what will happen. :( i hope its not sum kinda bug... but im feeling absolutely xhausted, weak, sick, and all flemmy ... EUGH [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]
things are just getting worse and worse and worse [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]
that magic wand sounds nice
Jen xxxx
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SORRY ignore that silly little post.. cos WAHEY! im feeling better now!!!!!!!
thankyou to everyone :D its so good to be back and feeling like im actually living :D
Jen xxxxxxxxxxxxx
