Dealing with the departed

Ok for some reason yesterday I cleaned my entire house. I was tired but not too bad. I have been having personal problems in my life emotionally. Well I started to think about my mom who passed away November 2009. I got really upset I went through it all in an hour sadness and guilt. I had the hiccup cries. It was so bad I started to feel n* so I took and anxiety pill to calm down and go to sleep. I never quite delt with my mom dying. I was upset but I just kept myself busy to not think about it and pretty much repressed my feeling toward it. I think I keep feeling if I let myself actually feel it I will loose my mind. I dont know how to cope. She's always been the one to help me but she's gone and I don't know what to do. Well anyway sorry that is so long. But anyway today I keep getting n* on and off. Has anyone gone through this? I need help.

Hi, yes, I lost my mom in 2003 and my dad in 2007, so unfortunately I am very familiar with grief. What happens is when you don't deal with it and try to suppress your feelings, eventually they will come out, and then it's a big "explosion" of grief. This is what you are feeling. At a grief "class" once, the speaker said you have to just put your head down and get through it. So I just let myself feel everything, every day, for as long as it took. It's the hardest thing you will ever go through, but it does get better, however slowly and painfully. I still miss them every single day, but I can talk about them and laugh at things now, and tell my kids about things they did or said. I hope you feel better and find some peace soon...take care.

Thanks for replying. I recently became a volunteer with hospice home care. The director told me to go to grieving classes but I haven't gone yet. But she told me if I don't deal with it, it will make me really sick. And I've recently noticed that. My health has been going down hill. My anxiety and panic attacks are worse which makes my emetophobia go into overdrive. But recently I was feeling really numb. I have been pushing my husband away. Everything he does makes me sensitive and he just makes me so angry. Most of the time I feel hatred toward him and I cling to my kids. I feel like my soul is dying. And I have all these severe physical symptoms and the doctors don't find anything. But thinking about her makes me sick, I can't look at a picture of her, and I have a chest in my closet that has her stuff in it, I cant look at them or smell them. She was my mom and my best friend. To me she was just about all I had. Now I feel lost in this world. I want to tell her how I feel and hear her tell me something dumb to make me feel better. Or her favorite take a pill and go to sleep . I think of the last night I spent with her. What I should have said, she was getting on my nerves that night it was my sons 5th birthday party. She had fun, she said something that got on my nerves and we went to bed and she never woke up. I just feel so sick. Well thank you.

i think the grief counselling is a good idea. it's tough thinking back that the last time you spent with her didn't really end well in your eyes. but know that she loved you and she knew that you loved her......even if you had a little riff before she passed. it would be kind of nice to know when someone was going to leave us for good so we could say all the things we need to say to them.

i wrote my dad a letter after he passed.......it helped me some. i talk to him alot now and i swear he plays little pranks on me :)

your mom is still with you all the time........pay attention and you will feel her......

I'm so sorry for you, I know exactly how you are feeling.
I lost my mum in April 09 & I am still struggling big time!! She was also my best friend & we were extremely close. We used to talk about everything together & I feel so lost without her. I actually only just had a bit of a breakdown about her earlier tonight. I have bad health at the moment & have had to rely on my mother in law abit to help take my son to school etc. It hit me all of a sudden (which it often does because I try to block things out) that I just wished my mum was here in times like this. I need her & I feel really cheated as she was only 52 & I wanted her to see my kids grow up etc.

Oh i'm sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me...just wanted to let you know your not alone, I know how you feel & we just need to hang in there & get through this xx

I am so sorry for your loss - I lost my lovely Mum in June 2010 and I still miss her every single day. What you are describing with regard to your emotions is so similar to what I did. I think I tried to keep busy and not look at what happened when my mum died and it was infact just before the anniversary of her death this year that I totally lost it. I pushed my husband aside, I got angry over silly things, I felt angry with friends who appeared to be treating their parents badly and everything pretty much boiled over. It is very true that if you bottle things up they have to eventually come out. Since my bad episode, I have on the whole been able to cope a lot better - I think crying and letting my emotions out helped and perhaps in a way what you felt yesterday may be the start of your grieving process. I definitely think grief counselling is a good idea for you especially if you are dealing with your mother having passed away suddenley - In some respects I was lucky as we had a chance to say goodbye and I always think those that don't have such a hard time coping afterwards. I think we will always miss our mums, I don't believe that feeling will go away but I do believe that we can learn to accept it and to cope better - Lots of Love and hugs to you xx

It's a little reassuring to hear others stories. Not many people I know had a close relationship with their mom like I did. People always made fun of us and said that they never really cut the umbilical cord. I feel a little better after my breakdown. But that was probably my tenth one just this time it seemed worse and lasted longer. I miss her everyday. I got pregnant a month after she died so that was really hard. And I wish she could have met him. My 11 year old bottled his emotions up too. I've only seen him cry a few times over her. She was more like his mother too. I had him when I was in high school and she pushed me to college so she was always there for him. My six year old I don't think he quite understood. It was quite dramatic for them to see paramedics try and revive her and rush her off in the ambulance. I felt rushed to take her off life support but she was dying with it anyway. Thanks you all. I don't have many to talk to everyone I know still has their moms. It's depressing. I still need her.

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Originally Posted by bakogirl

It's a little reassuring to hear others stories. Not many people I know had a close relationship with their mom like I did. People always made fun of us and said that they never really cut the umbilical cord. I feel a little better after my breakdown. But that was probably my tenth one just this time it seemed worse and lasted longer. I miss her everyday. I got pregnant a month after she died so that was really hard. And I wish she could have met him. My 11 year old bottled his emotions up too. I've only seen him cry a few times over her. She was more like his mother too. I had him when I was in high school and she pushed me to college so she was always there for him. My six year old I don't think he quite understood. It was quite dramatic for them to see paramedics try and revive her and rush her off in the ambulance. I felt rushed to take her off life support but she was dying with it anyway. Thanks you all. I don't have many to talk to everyone I know still has their moms. It's depressing. I still need her.

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just trust me when i say that she is with you and is watching over.she kan hear when u speak 2her.they never leave us.i know first hand!it will get better!

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Originally Posted by ashleynichole

just trust me when i say that she is with you and is watching over.she kan hear when u speak 2her.they never leave us.i know first hand!it will get better!

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It's funny that you said that. About a month ago I was having a bad dream and in my dream I was trying to call out to my husband but all I could get out was mom. I woke up yelling mom and to what felt like her finger nail tickling the bottom of my foot. Which was how she always woke me up. So I laid there crying. I think thats when my breakdown occured. I really felt like she was there and she woke me up from my nightmare.  But I really missed her after that.

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Originally Posted by bakogirl

It's funny that you said that. About a month ago I was having a bad dream and in my dream I was trying to call out to my husband but all I could get out was mom. I woke up yelling mom and to what felt like her finger nail tickling the bottom of my foot. Which was how she always woke me up. So I laid there crying. I think thats when my breakdown occured. I really felt like she was there and she woke me up from my nightmare.  But I really missed her after that.

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i know loosing a loved one is very difficult bt they never leave us.i would say more bt i dnt want to offend any1 who doesnt share the same beliefs as me.it will get better though

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Originally Posted by ashleynichole

i know loosing a loved one is very difficult bt they never leave us.i would say more bt i dnt want to offend any1 who doesnt share the same beliefs as me.it will get better though

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I know exactly what you mean :)

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

I know exactly what you mean :)

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really,cool!

I am struggling with this myself , my daughter died 14 months ago and i had to hold it together for everyone else and now im suffering big time.
I am always feeling sick and if i do break down it ends up in a panic :(.

Hope you can work through it to feel better