attachment TO emet.

sumthing that has come up a lot before, and id be interested in hearing ur views, is this...


my social worker + i have come to the conclusion tht im too scared to let this phobia go, cos icant imagine a life without it, its been lke my "way out" in my past out of a lot of uncomfortable situations, (social phobia wise) and so... yeah.. i was just wondering... as well as seeing emet as a complete enemy trhats ruining ur life, do you ever see it as ur attachment, whether it be negative or not?


god tht made NO sense did it? heh, sorry, im tired and i have a biology and sociology mock 2morro, so im tryin to hurry this sorry.


Jen xxxxxxxxxxxx

yeah I've always thought that. I never think of it as "enemy" and something to be eradicated. Just something to work around. I don't really ever say "oh I wish I were 'normal' ". I don't think anyone who has this phobia doesn't want it on some level.

I agree, I think we are all afraid to live without the phobia at some level. I have tried to just "not worry" when someone is sick, but in some weird way, I feel like I'm losing my control over it if I just let it go. So, I hang on.


I've described it like this before...


It is as if for my whole life I've been running from this HUGE, HORRIBLE, TERRIFYING moster behind me. I don't even turn to look around at it, I just run! Then, I start learning that this monster isn't so huge, horrible or terrifying - and that running from it is worse than just turning around and facing it. But...I know how to run, I am comfortable running, and I am almost afraid of how my life will change if I stop. So. I run.

I guess in a really strange way, that's kind of true. Like recently, since I found this site, I have been in different situations where I think "I should be panicking right now because I'm an emet." It almost feels like I'm doing something wrong! I do think that if my life would be better now if I had never ever gotten this phobia, but now that I have it, it would be a littlehard tojust let it go because it has definedso manyareas of my life.

Well for myself, I'm afraid to get help and be over this phobia because I think when I'm over it, I'll then have to confront the one thing that terrifies me, and I don't want to witness someone v*ing and be somewhat ok with it, which would cause me to not run away and then I'll catch their germs and then I'll v*! It's a vicious cycle. My therapist compared my attachment to this phobia the way my husband has an emotional attachment to cigarettes. He just recently quit smoking, and used the patch. His physical addiction is gone, he doesn't have those intense physical cravings, but he has this thing that he misses in his life, like smoking was a partner. I think sometimes we have this phobia as a partner and if it's gone there will be a part of us missing. This is a good topic.

Contrarily, I don't have a mental attachment to this phobia. I really and honestly want it gone, for good; I want to be normal. If I see someone v****, I want to be like, "eh." If I feel sick myself, I want to say, "oh well. It'll pass. No big deal." I can't truthfully admit, however, that I haven't used my phobia for my own personal gain once or twice. For instance, one morning, I woke up, and I didn't feel like getting out of bed, so I told my mom, "I'm not going to school today because a girl in one of my classes said she had the stomach flu." I feel bad about doing it, but it is kind of like a crutch, an excuse. However, I'd still do anything to be rid of it. FOREVER.

There's something to this line of thinking, and for many it may be subconscious. The thing is, there's a lot of anxiety (often from the whole family - even back a generation) that gets "channelled" into this phobia of ours...even other stress in our life or stuff we can't deal with from childhood. So if the phobia's gone it's like - THEN WHAT? That's why "quick fix" treatments for the phobia aren't very effective, cuz the other stuff, yet undealt with, comes up later and when it does sometimes it's "easier" to just become phobic again than to deal with the real pain and horror that may be lurking in us. Not that the phobia isn't real pain, but I guess I mean "underlying" rather than real.


That's why therapy that involves the TOTAL PERSON is the best - and this can take a long time.


Pilar, (soluene)you've come such a long way, bud! Just by your posts I can sense a huge amount of personal growth and emotional maturity. I guess that's true for me too. If we looked back to posts 2 years ago we'd see it better (but that's not possible - that was 2 websites ago - lol). Anyway, keep on the same path is all I can say. You're a model for others.

Soluene : you explained it perfectly, certainly cleared up some confusion in my mind!!


thnks everyone for replying, it certainly is very interesting... gotta think of a way of using this knowledge to help me overcome this phobia tho >.< thats the hard bit.


Jen xxxxx

I just wanted to say that I recently came upon the same realization in my own therapy. I hate being an emet, but I feel like if I gave it up, I wouldn't know how to live my life. Like it's who I am. I have had this problem my whole life, and it makes all my decisions for me. Like "should I eat lunch"? "No, you might V*"."Should I go on vacation?" "No, you might have a panic attack and none of your friends will understand". It's like I can't make choices without it. It's scary to depend on yourself instead of the phobia. It's like, it gives you so much anxiety and pain, but it also is so integrated with your mind that you don't know how to be yourself without it. And also, like you guys were saying, it's an excuse. It's a good way to avoid other stressful situations. Like, I have anxiety and going to class is just too much for me today, so I sleep instead. It's a great tool for avoidance. I wish I could just physically punch my problems in the face instead of freaking out about them every day.

yep, i agree with evrything you said.


by the way, welcome to our family :)


Jen xxxx

I never thought about it this way, but I think your right! I have lived this way for so long, i can't imagine being without it, and facing it. because letting go of the fear might cause me to V* one day.


interesting theory!

thanks guys. babydoll you're right...if you let go of all the things you do to try to avoid v*ing then you're afraid it will happen. that's what keeps the grip so strong.

I agree with everyone else. It has been with me for so long that it is the very core of my being.
(I have been away taking care of my sister who had surgery). Now I am home and ready to attack this problem by seeing someone for the EMDR therapy. A part of me doesn't want to let go because I am afraid if I do I may lose my power not to ''do it". I'm hoping to be able to overcome the phobia. That is what I have always wanted because it has interfered with relationships, everything I do, but I have a little fear that I may not be able to give it up.

It is going to be very hard to talk about and face some of things I must in order to get over this phobia, but I am going to give it my best shot.Edited by: giff1949

i want to rid my phobia, i feel ive grown out of it and it just stops me from doing things i wud love 2 do...i feel no attatchement 2 it as ia honestly feel it is not something i have displaced my fear onto just something that developed from dodgy v* experiences at a young age that freaked out a very imaginative scardy-catchild

I think everything expressed in these posts is so very real for everyone. It's true that the phobia is a "safety measure". Yet the irony is that if you don't fear it anymore, you won't care if you do it, of course!


I should reassure you all that I personally got over the fear of vomiting myself about 20 years ago...although it came back briefly during intense treatment for the fear of seeing someone else do it. Anyway, the point is that once you're an emet you will always have the same amount of "control over it". I know I do. I've only been sick once (I think) in the last 20 years. Maybe twice - I can't even remember. But that's about the same as people with emetophobia.


So put out of your minds the idea that all of a sudden you'll be sick all the time if you get treated for the phobia. You won't be!

Could it perhaps be that we feel if we are cured of emet that we become a different person? I know in many ways I love who I am, and I am somewhat afraid of maybe discovering things about me I didn't know.


Just a thought. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

thanks sage...that's pretty inspirational. i mean, in my mind i know that's true...but you can't help feeling that losing control over it means that it actually will go out of control. I've been in therapy for a while and nothing seems to help. i think i need to really WANT to get rid of it before i do.


i also agree with what sweetfreak said. my personality is so much shaped by my anxiety that i cant imagine me without it. i know i would be a lot better off, but it would change my life so completely that it scares me.


-kira

yeah exactly... i think i kinda feel tht my personality is shaped by this phobia.. but then i have to kinda remind myself, that my pesronality cud be a WHOLE lot better, without this phobia!! i certainly wudnt be depressed as much as i get now..


hmm... this is such a complex thing. no wonder the health profressions know hjardly nething about it.


Jen xxxx

i agree. its kind of hard to say "well, i dont need this phobia but im keepin on to it" when u have had it forever. i still would like to not have it tho!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by giff1949

I agree with everyone else. It has been with me for so long that it is the very core of my being.
(I have been away taking care of my sister who had surgery). Now I am home and ready to attack this problem by seeing someone for the EMDR therapy. A part of me doesn't want to let go because I am afraid if I do I may lose my power not to ''do it". I'm hoping to be able to overcome the phobia. That is what I have always wanted because it has interfered with relationships, everything I do, but I have a little fear that I may not be able to give it up.

It is going to be very hard to talk about and face some of things I must in order to get over this phobia, but I am going to give it my best shot.

---

I am curious to see if Giff1949 has started the emdr therapy. I have had my initial meeting, and want to see how their therapy is going.

what is emdr therapy?

I always wonder what I would worry about if I didn't have emet! Maybe there would be nothing there!</font>