i feel so bad about this

[fifi]

Yesterday my son, hit me and threw things at me. He has behaviour problems as you know. Well i had had enough of it, so i phoned the police. They arrested him and took him to the police station. He was charged with common assult and was kept in until 1.00am.


I dont know what to do. Do i drop the charges and hope he has learned from this, or do i carry on? He wants to travel when he is older and if he has a police record then he wont be able to get into some countries especiallly America, where he loves to go.


What would everyone do? i was so upset last nite and was broken hearted, but he cant go on like this.


Please help me.


xxxxxxxx

[xroofusx]

Awww im so sorry. My brother is the same..My mum has had to ring the police a few times on him, theres been times when he's got knives out and chucked them at us, so ringing the police is all that you can do. Im sorry your going through this. How old is your son if you don't mind me asking?? i know it feels bad when you have to ring them on your own family, but you don't want to end up getting hurt. I hope everythings ok.

Ruth x

[suze]

Fifi, sorry about this, it must be so hard for you. My gut instinct, on this occasion, would be to drop the charges. I am not saying you did the wrong thing, because you absolutely did the right thing, but I think there are more positive things you can do at this stage. Your son clearly has problems, but is there a way he can get help to deal with this? Possibly anger management classes? I don't know what help is out there for you, but there must be something. Pressing charges doesn't necessarily mean it won't happen again unless the root of the problem is addressed.


Sorry if this doesn't help, but I am on your side here!

[tiffanator]

Hi Fifi... I'm so sorry to hear that you are having problems again. You absolutely did the right thing though... so don't feel bad one bit about this. Remember, you have to take care of yourself first, and if you felt your life was in danger you had to do something to stop it. If I remember correctly this is not the first time your son has had problems with the police, and it may be time for someone to follow through with the punishment. I know it is tough love, and I understand that he wants to travel. But if he doesn't learn that there are consequences to his actions they will continue and could get worse and more frequent. If that happens he most certainly will have a police record. I know you are trying to protect him... but he needs to learn to take responsibilty for his actions and face the consequences of them... if not from you, then from the next person who has him arrested and doesn't drop the charges.


Did that make any sense? Probably not... oh well.. it's still early in the morning here...

[momof2]

Hello-


For three years, I was an emotional support teacher of 9th grade students who had such SEVERE behavior problems that they had to be educated outside the public school. At our school, parents had to accept our restraint policy to ensure staff and student safety. I have since moved on to a different teaching position.


While I do not know your situation with your son, I do know behavior disorders very well. In my opinion, children who repeatedly act in a certain way must have consequences. Whether or not they have a diagnosed behavior disorder is irrelevant tome. In life, there are consequences. Natural consequences. If parents, teachers, and society remove those consequences, the child will never learn. I really believe that children need reality checks now and again. I think that your son (hopefully) experienced that last evening when he was arrested. If that has never happened to him before, it should have caught his attention. And that is a natural consequnce for that type of behavior. In all honesty, if he did that to someone else in 10 years, the same thing would probably happen.


I would really try to connect the behavior to the consequence through a conversation. It is important that he understand that connection and that it was not you just deciding to be mean.


On the other hand, my children are young-4 and 2 and I cannot imagine having to go through this. It is so much easier to give advice and have an opinion when you are outside the situation. You know your son best. As for the charges, I am not sure what I would do. I definately see your point about the rest of his life. We all make mistakes. We just need to learn from them. Hopefully he has.


Perhaps you could drop the charges and if it ever happens again, continue to press the charges?


I sincerely hope you have a better day!

[crimgoddess]

How old is your son? I don't know British law, but know that here if the child is charged as a minor, it won't be a factor as to whether they can travel, as the record becomes sealed once they have reached adulthood. It goes under the assumption that an adult shouldn't be punished for a lifetime for something they had done as a child.


I personally think you should not drop the charges, as then it gives the impression that it wasn't that big a deal, and if the same thing happens again, you will drop the charges again. It's kind of like telling him "you're grounded for a week", and then the next day letting them go outside and play. An action must be followed with a clear consequence, as Amy mentioned. I'm not sure that going through all of that, but in the end renegging and not going through with the charges is necessarily that clear a response.


I don't envy your situation- I do hope things get better for you, and that you are able to make a decision you are comfortable with.


*amber*

[fifi]

thank you for your advice, i still dont know what to do. He is 14 years old and has been in trouable before this. He has been crying all day today and has told me that he has learnt from this.


I really dont know what to do. I am still in two minds. What i will do is speak to the police on monday and see what they suggest. I just dont want him to think that i am a walk over and that he can do it again to me. They locked him in the cells for 3 hours and he realised that this was it.


I will let you know what i have decided to do.


Thank you again.