am I really that bad??......

[tootsieroll]

Hi everyone, I am just another person trying to get through my fear of vomiting. I am 18 years old and have been afraid of vomit since I was 8. I am not to sure of what gave me my fear, but what ever it was must have been horrible. Anyways, when I hit about 12 years old I started going outside with my friends again and doing what all little kids do. It was so great this behaviour continued until just last June. In January 2005 I got pregnant, and I had to deliver a sleeping baby girl when I was close to 7 months along. While I was in labour I did not vomit, but did come very VERY close. I think that is what set my fear off to the extreme all over again. It was actually really bad, I thought I was going to vomit every day of my life for 8 months straight, It was horrible and you think someone who felt that sick would just let it out but I just couldn't with the fear of not knowing what to expect. So now lately it is all geting a lot better with time. I am starting to hang out with friends again (not all the time), I am eating more actually I am gaining weight which is great for me because I developed anorexia, I have the urge to munch again, and I can actually go a whole week without having any nausea at all. But then it seems that as soon as my nausea comes back after a week with none, I get so frusterated thinking I let myself down or something, it's like everyday I come up with a new theory that may help me get over my fear and nothing seems to work. My fear does not seem as bad to me as it seems to some people on here, just reading some stories my heart goes out to a lot of people because I thought I had it bad and some people can't even talk about it or see something that someone may vomit in and in some ways I do feel fortunate for that. The weirdest thing is that when I was sick when I was younger, I would always turn to my mom and say "I am not going to get sick am I?" and she would always tell me "no, not if you don't want to" so as I child I asked that question a lot but just last week my mother went away and I became very Ill, and I called her crying because I was panicking and didn't know what to do and than I became very sad to know I am still dependant on my mother for when I am feeling sick. It scares me because I don't want to be 30 years old and every time I don't feel well have to call her crying.Is my fear going to get any better like how it used to be or could this be the new me forever? It seems to me that I am just more stressedout than anything, and as soon as I get stressed I am like ok well I am not going to feel well and thats exactly how it goes. I over analyze every situation which is bound to make anyone sick. how do I stop thinking so much so I can go back to feeling 100% again instead of just half way????

[crimgoddess]

hey there- welcome to the site!


No, you don't have to live the rest of your life with this fear, but the thing is, if you do nothing, it's not going to go away. It's something that you actually have to work at, even if it's working on the anxiety in general, not necessarily the vomitting aspect.


Have you checked out the treatment forum? There is a lot of good resources on there relating to treatment, and how to find a competent therapist. Also, in the experiences section, there is a thread relating to people who consider themselves cured of this. I know sometimes on the board there is the impression that no one gets over this- but when people tend to improve or consider themselves cured, they don't necessarily visit the site anymore. Which makes sense, as not hearing about vomit/illness everyday probably helps with their recovery.


I hope you find the help you need- it's not unusual that when you are anxious about other things you start to worry more about emet-issues....I tend to believe that emet is really less about vomitting, and more about anxiety in general, and how our minds channel our anxiety. Sometimes, it's easier mentally to become anxious over things relating to illness or vomitting then to address the real reasons why you are anxious. I know that is the case with myself at times.


Welcome,


*amber*

[christi0126]

I can totally relate to you. My mom is my best friend and I would ask her the same question "mom do you think I am going to be sick?" She also always said no and I think I trusted her so much and saw her as such a strong person that I would then feel better because if she didn't think I would get sick then I thought I wouldn't. I am now 26 and I still depend on her when I am not feeling well. Just last year she moved to Colorado (I'm in VA) I thought my world was going to end. I have been okay though. I have only called her one time when I was in the middle of a panic attack and she talked me through it. I realized though that even if she was here....if I am gonna get sick it is gonna happen if she is here or not and nothing she says or does will prevent it if that day comes and I do get sick. I don't think anything is wrong with needing your mom and even though you are 18 you are still young and your mom is someone who is there for you no matter what is going on in your life. I wish I could tell you how to stop thinking about it.I struggle with that myself...but I don't let it stop me from going places and I don't stop it from letting me eat. I feel that if you can eat....you aren't going to get sick. Does that make sense? Hope you are able to beat this!

[tootsieroll]

Thanks for the great answers you guys. I find with this fear lately, I don't really have any thing pushing me to go out and do things so I usually don't go anywhere very often, which I believe is why I feel so much nausea all the time, I just need to figure out a way to motivate myself to want to get out. Lately I have this new thing where I always think in my mind that I have appendicitis. It all started like a week ago or more and when I got out of the shower I had like the slightest feeling of a pain behind my belly button so I looked it up on the internet and it said that that could be early signs of appendicitis but it takes 3 -10 hours to completely develope. Well I went into one of my panick attacks and had to take a gravol to help me control my nausea, anyways As you can tell, I didn't have appendicits lol but now it is a constant thought on my mind. I don't even have pain but I still have it in my head that it's there, and that is holding my back lately from wanting to do anything. I feel Like I am so weird. This site is great I can't believe that this fear is so common, after I found this site I felt like I could let everyone close to me know about my fear with hope they will understand and to some degree help me through it. My boyfriend is very understanding and is helping me a lot, but for the longest time I was so embarrased about this fear I had it all locked up inside of me. It is sad that there are so many of us who feel this way everyday but it is nice to know I am not alone. Did anyone else ever just not feel like going anywhere for a while in there life due to this fear?? I found this summer really hard because I was in school whichI was forced to be there everyday and that helped me face the fear that I can still go places and be fine but now since the summer is here I don't really need to go anywhere. I tried to get a job but the more I thought about it the less I wanted to go, I would love to be working I just don't want to go there and be sick on the first day and then them fire me or something. Sorry this is so long I just like to ramble lol.. have a great day[img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]