Prisoner’s Justice Day- August 10th

[kellybean]

Shiva, well said. I don't think people should be calling out other people on the board for everyone to see. If someone has a problem with something anyone says, they should do it privately!!!

[babygap5]

Amber is entitled to her opinion, just like everyone else, that's not the point of my posts. We've had these "topics" before where they simply get out of hand. Amber stressed that it wasn't meant to be a debate, however, of course, it turned into one. So, my feelings are that if we don't bring up topics that could potentially turn into a debate, it would be better for the board. Having a stimulating conversation is one thing, but these debates hurt people's feelings and that isn't what this board was started for. That's my point, that's my only point.


I would have PM'd Amber in the beginning of this, however, given the last big debate we had regarding Illegal Immigrants in the US, I figured I would post my issue in the hopes of stopping what happened the last time. My opinion in that debate wasn't accepted by the majority of members, which is fine, however, it was attacked by several members who had thenerve to call me ignorant in my thinking. Regardless of their personal feelings, I didn't attack them in that personal way, and as a result, left this board for several months because the people I had come to rely on for support with EMETOPHOBIA had hurt my feelings so badly, and honestly, I didn't want advice from someone who could be that mean. I wanted to nip this one in the bud before anyone else got hurt. I also feel that these topics lose the focus of what this group is all about.


Ok, if you are all still reading this, great, thanks. My point was just to avoid these topics because no matter how hard you try to ignore them, curiosity gets the best of everyone. People will read and form an opinion. This board was not meant for that. That's when feelings get hurt.


JudyEdited by: babygap5

[shiva]

But why on earth should Amber not be allowed to post here about something she is putting a lot of time and effort into? If you consider it contraversial, don't post back.. ignore it. Because we all have a common bond (emetophobia), we tend to trust one another. It seems obsurd to not be able to share who we are and what we are interested in without having a debate. Are we in kindergarten?

[babygap5]

That's my point Shiva, nothing goes without being debated on this site. So, instead of having people simply read her post, take it with a grain of salt, or pm her for more info, it causes a debate. That's the point. That's why I don't think anyone should post something like this, it never just stops with the "FYI" part, it goes into people's personal experiences, people's education, people's whatever. No, we aren't in kindergarten Shiva, but I'm not the one that started the debate part. In fact, I read her post last night and didn't respond to anything until I realized, this is how it always starts. The illegal immigration issue was the same thing, she posted something she believed strongly in and it turned into a 6 page rant where people got very nasty to each other. And yes, you don't have to post, but people are going to read it Shiva, that's what they do here, everyone reads the posts, even if they choose not to respond, they are going to read them. Curiosity will get the better of them.


If it seems like I'm picking on her, i'm not. I'm just trying to avoid the endless back and forth, name calling spatter that happens when topics like this get started.

[shiva]

But who is to say what is contraversial? Ways that we deal with our phobia are contraversial. I have seen debates about people using anti emetics, giving their kids enti emetics, people inducing vomiting, people confronting what is behind their phobia. Life is sometimes contraversial. Not two of us think completely alike and that is beautiful. Because of this we grow and learn. Learning is amazing, when we stop learning we stop living. You might learn something by reading one of these contraversial posts. I think it's most important to try not to let it offend you in the first place. Don't turn it into a debate. It's one thing to ask questions, it's another to put someone elses opinion down just because it isn't your opinion.

The reason that group therapy such as this support group works so well is because there are different angles and opinions to consider. The fact that we are different only means that we are able to offer different kinds of advice to one another. It's great.

I don't understand why it is unacceptable to come here and discuss different issues, especially in an off topic thread. To me it is interesting to learn about how each and every one of us is different. I mean, how boring and actually pathetic to only know eachother as people with emetophobia. I would love to know more about everyone here. Why not? It's bad enough that we have to obsess over our phobia on a daily basis, now when we come on here we are only allowed to discuss vomit? yuk.

[babygap5]

Shiva, you seem to have missed the point of my post. I didn't start the debate with Amber, others did. If she wants to bring us into her personal life and what she is proud of, that's fine. My point is, no matter what topic, it will get turned into a debate.


As for our different ways of trying to cure emet, yes, all are different, but we can all relate to them. We've all experienced being an emet, we all can relate. When you bring in a topic where people might not have that much info on and are just responding with feeling, not knowledge, that's where the debate begins, that's where the "learning" stops. Feelings get in the way of the learning part.


We are all here for a purpose, to beat emet, and that is why the group support works, we are all on the same page with the emet. We are all NOT on the same page with other topics, that's my point. I'm not attacking Amber, i'm just voicing MY OPINION. But, as usual, MY OPINION is getting attacked. Amber has every right to educate people who are interested in civil rights for prisoners, etc., however, if you read a few of the posts people made, the debate was about to begin. It no longer was and FYI post.


And what I didn't want to happen with this thread happened anyway, a debate about whether or not off topics that could lead to a debate should be encouraged.


So, I guess I'll shut up now.

[shiva]

Okay, I have a perfect example of how this type of thing could be handled for those who do not like to see contraversy on the board.

I am very passionate about not using anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Not just because of my feelings, but because I am educated on the subject and because of personal experience. This is actually a subject that has to do with our phobia and it is also a contraversial one. I have stated my opinion on it before and if you've read it you have if not then not. Whatever.

So daily I come on this board and see someone asking about zoloft side effects or about how others have tolerated meds and instead of firing off my feelings and thoughts, I just ignore those posts. I don't bother with them. I realize that what works for some, doesn't for others and I move on.

What I am confused about here is why people seem to have such a problem with that here? If you don't agree with something, don't do it. If you don't want to take a minute out of your day to think of people in prison, then don't. Why does it have to turn into a debate? And Babygap, I am not even addressing you directly or I would pm you. I am asking anyone who got their panties in a bunch over the post. I want to know why they got so defensive. I completely understand where Charlene is coming from and she had a right to share that, and others have a right to question the intention of the event, but to deliberately attack and put the idea down is just crappy and there isn't room here for that.

I would also like to point out, so that no one thinks I am playing favorites, that I am not even sold on what Amber is involved with, and she and I have butted heads in the past, but we both always had a right to share our opinion. Whether we agreed or not. And it's okay for anyone who doesn't agree to share thier opinion. But when it gets insulting there becomes a problem.

This is the problem. Not the message. I personally have issues with the delivery of the message. There is no need to be insulting to one another.

[crimgoddess]

....it's kinda funny that there are more posts relating to whether I should be *allowed*to post anything of this sort, as opposed to what I actually did post.


I think that your fear over what *might* happen is eclipsing what is actually happening, and the majority of conflict here is derived from arguing over the PROTECTION from arguing, as opposed to anything related to the info I posted.


Babygap, I'm sorry your feelings got hurt in another thread that occured awhile ago- but after seeing what occured there, you can also make the decision not to engage topics of this kind if you don't feel comfortable. However, others may want this info, or want to ask questions, or discuss something. They should have that right as well. That thread was also very different from this one. The other thread of which you speak was me posting something I had received via email, and ASKING what people thought about it. ALthough I may have started the thread, many many people kept it alive. This thread in which I am posting now is purely some info relating to what today is, and that if you sympathize with this cause, take a second to think about it. If people want to engage in debate in the issue, I would be more than happy to humour them- offboard. I also learned from that past topic, and am now more careful in deciding what I post and how I post it.


WHenever anyone puts their opinion out there about anything they run the risk of people disagreeing with them....and in such cases, you have to decide whether it's worth it.


People make posts relating to religion and god all the time- I am not religious nor do I consider myself spiritual, so I usually ignore them, unless they are asking for different people's takes on the subject (such as- "what do you believe?"). As strong as people feel about their religion- would you like it if I went into those threads and wrote that their religion is bad because of A, B, and C, or is based on falsehoods and patriarchy- OR that this board isn't appropriate for them to mention anything regarding their faith, as it is too contentious a topic.


Essentially, my beliefs and work on this subject ARE my religion. They are an essential part of who I am. People may not agree with my views, which is fine. As mentioned, I have no problem going over any issue related to my views, or having a discussion about it. But, I shouldn't feel like I have to stop myself from mentioning an event that I am working hard on, purely because people may not agree with it. If they don't agree, that's fine! They are more than welcome to have their own beliefs, and to support what you feel comfortable with.


I know this board is about emet- but there is an off-topic section that ideally, should give us all a better idea of who were are outside of this phobia. If, for some people, this is problematic, since they fear that not agreeing with other aspects of someones life will make it hard to support them, then maybe it is a better idea to stick with the main board. What someone posts here, or supports in their real life, even though I may not agree with it, definitely won't affect me being able to give them support in another unrelated topic.


Babygap- I don't get the impression that you are picking on me- I just think that perhaps you are still a bit hurt from the previous topic a few months ago, and don't want anyone else to feel that way. This is understandable- however, I also think that people shouldn't be afraid to post things they are working on, for fear that others may get out of hand.


*amber*

[shiva]

And I would have to agree.. I think that people might be holding on to bad feelings from other posts and looking for an opportunity to attack. Which, I understand is why people are saying 'Let's not discuss anything contraversial'. But as I said before, it's all contraversial. Let's just get along and not be negative.

[crimgoddess]

<<<Let's just get along and not be negative>>>





....group hug?


*amber*

[brittaniray]

Opinions people just let it go! I agree with Kate1966. I think this Prison Day thing is wrong. Now I'm not trying to start any thing butthat's my opinion either take it or leave it.





Thanks,


xo~Brittani~oxEdited by: brittaniray

[crimgoddess]

For those why may care- my event went really great tonight, even though it was super-windy and our candles either became extinguished or fire hazards, lol.


The highlight of my evening was definitely when a woman off the street stopped and stayed for almost the entire ceremony. During the open forum, she came to the front and spoke about the fact that she was moved that we were here having this event in the name of people that we don't know (since it is for dedicated to incarcerated peoples worldwide, not just those we know personally). As a woman of colour, she mentioned that she is happy that we are making an effort, as too many young boys often end up falling in with the wrong crowd and ending up just another kid in jail. SHe also gave a Muslim blessing of peace and love, which to me was especially moving due to current events and the present political climate.


All in all, a fantastic evening. I was almostbrought to tears more than once- which is problematic when you are the host and have to find your voice to introduce the next speaker after someone has said something incredibly moving. Waterproof mascara, how I love thee.


*amber*

[Babydoll]

what I don't understand is, how did this topic get so personal to some people? I belive that Amber did not start this to attack anyone's beliefs, but some people make it out to be that way and it snowballs out of control.


I think topics like these are fine, as long as we can respect each other and listen to different opinions. I think that everyone has a right to respond their opinion, whether they disagree or agree, but to keep it civil and realize that no one is trying to attack one another.


I personally see two sides of the coin here, but I know I am ignorant about the subject to really be firm about where I stand.


On one level, I would not want to see a rapist with the same rights as I have, but I don't want to see him beat up over and over in jail - what does that teach him? that violence is the way to go. This is not helpful to him, or the public in any way. What needs to be focused on is the recovery of the inmate to learn that violence is not the answer and to deal with his problems. There are inmates in prison for 20 years +, and I don't think just " doing time" is what is important. Sure, they should have to pay a price for their crime, but its what they do in those 20 years is what is important for change.


anyways, again, I don't know enough about this topic to say anymore, but I think that its very informative and interesting. I think that great minds are open to learning about new things. Edited by: Babydoll