Not related to Emet but here goes...

[javabean]

Okay... well this really doesn't have much to do with emet directly, but I just wanted to know if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions? It is a rather sensitive subject, but I feel I have friends here, so please just help me out if you can!
My husband and I were both virgins before we got married this past June. Now that we are married, we of course want to explore our sexuality together, and become closer and closer every time. Here is my dilemma: sometimes my husband, right in the middle of the act, just kind of... stops being excited, if you know what I mean. I mean, right in the middle! I know this is rather common, but for one thing, my husband is only 22 years old, and for another thing, he just clams up after this happens. He doesn't know why it happens, and he doesn't want to talk about it at all. He just totally doesn't want to talk at all. It hurts me, because although he assures me it isn't, I feel like somehow it is because I am not sexy enough for him, or that he is thinking about something else other than me. I don't know, I already have a little lower self-esteem than others (although I have been working on this), but this makes it sooo much worse. And I always end up in tears, because I don't know what to do to make it better, and no matter what he says I feel as if it is somehow related to me. So if anyone has had similar experiences, or if you don't want to say that here, if you just want to offer advice or something... I would really appreciate it!

~Javaneh

[mitch04133]

I can not say I have had similar situations, and I think the only advice I can really offeris that maybe he should go see a doctor. I think there might be some underlying problem going on. I don't think at 22 he should be having this problem. The only one time when this happened to me (or should I say him) was after a heavy night of drinking. My boyfriend now who is 40 has never had this happen. I don't know why this is happening and I am sorry that you are feeling so bad about it, I know I would too, but maybe he should go see a medical doctor and see if there is some kind of problem. You guys need to talk about this!!

[javabean]

Yeah thanks... I asked my mom about it (yes my mother and I talk about everything!!) and she gave me some advice... it's not like it happens often, just has a couple of times. I talked to him and he says it's just because he's stressed and he doesn't mean to, but our financial problems enter his mind and then it just... yeah. So yeah. lol. But anyway, thanks for posting a reply!

[alwaysamber]

I believe that is normal.....since there hasn't been much experience there it causes him to be nervous and when you get that nervous things go down if you know what I mean. It can also be a big sign of insecurity on his part. Just try to talk him up and make him feel wanted...if you know what I mean. Sometimes men need reassurance like us women. I wouldn't think there is a problem unless it continues after awhile.

[javabean]

Yeah... thanks for the reassurance Amber... I am starting to feel better about this already. I just love my husband more than anything, and I just want him to be happy[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[rubysoho120]

I would say it sounds like performance anxiety... and making him feel
sexy, and wanted, will help...plus if you make the whole experience
relaxing that could help...like candels, or a bath or something
first...try extra forplay...i can give you more pm advice...if you want
it..i dont want to offend anyone

[pianolover]

I'm going to PM you, javabean [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[javabean]

Okay all... just some more TMI for ya... hehe. Well, our sex life has gotten MUCH better, thanks to all who offered advice to me. I made sure he knew that he is wonderful to me, and that in my eyes he is totally sexy, and it has worked wonders. We are actually having sex like newlyweds should be! Okay... just wanted to report that so far, things are awesome, and thank you to all who tried to help!! [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[alwaysamber]

You are welcome!!!