Realy need some advise

[violet]

Ok so im in a bit of dilema at the moment!!!

This afternoon I found my partner lying to me, heres the background to this,

I do not like her best friend, she has taken advantage of her for SO many years, my partner run after her and did things for her, gave her money, helped her raise her kids, did practically everything for her.

Now, a while back when we were talking online to her while my partner was with me, she and her were talking and her best friend was asking when I was coming down to meet her, and my partner replyed with she doesnt know because I feel ill in cars and have a fear of being ill, then she replyed with a very nasty message of which I cant remember but it made my gf really very angry and they fell out for a while, then she started messaging her again and they spoke a few times, now my partner has been with her kids since they were born so she is very attached to them and she missed them quite a bit.

Now she knows I dont like her, and that I dont appreciate her being with her after what she has done and all she said about me, so we had a couple of fights about these things and we came to the conclusion that if she was going to go see her then she was to let me know so that she wasnt lying or going behind my back about it.

So today I was looking at the vids in her phone and she said oh thats one of chole, then stopped and looked at me, I was so upset she could see it in my eyes, so I walked away had a shower and we didnt speak until tonight, I asked her why, she sai dbecause I know you hate her and we would just get in a fight so I thought it was better to just not tell you, ok, so we had already had a fight the night she went away to see her, I knew she had been there and I dont know why but I just did, and I ask if she had been and she went off on one asking if I didnt trust her, also she said she was at her sisters and out in the car with her, we were both tired, and really had a bad argument we deceided to always let each other know where we are so we dont get at each other, heh what a fat lie that was from her.

So I found her out to be lying, and I dont know what to do about this, I love her so much and really really really want to be with her, but I have really big trust issues and was very open about them in the start of the relationship, but she now broke my trust, I just dont understand why, or what to do..

Advise please [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[kristin1980]

oh that is a tough one...


I know its so hard to trust someone once it is broken. I have a similiar situation with my husband.. he has a freind that is a girl and doesnt really like me.. so he didnt talk to her for a while but now seems to talk to her alot and hangs out with her sometime but he is pretty honest with me and i never get any of those "gut wrenching" nervous butterfly feeling like i did with the other bf's i was with that cheated on me ALOT.


What I have learned is you have to trust your insticts.. your gut feeling.. if something doesnt feel right dont ignore it.. i did three times in three diff relationships and it ended up i was cheated on in every one of them! It ended up hurting alot more carrying on for years and years.. dont make the mistake i did if this is how you feel...


if you dont have trust its hard to have anything at all.. you cant be worrying all the time at home while she is out.. that is not good for you. You need to come together on some common ground and understand eachothers feelings..


I dont know if i am the best person to answer your questions or give you advice since i have been in dishonest relationship after a another.. i guess what matters the most.. i broke my heart a thousand times and cried a thousands to find the man of my dreams and he is good.. i found him when i was not looking.. he would not lie or do anything to ever hurt me and inside i do believe that because it feels different.. different but good. Something i have never felt before. Its refreshing.


Hope this helps some.. if you ever need to talk.. you know where to find me!


hugs!