Need your advice

[surfjunkie]

So as to not make this too long, I will skip to the important stuff.

My 7 year old niece is showing some red flag signs of a budding emet.
She suffered from a quick v* bout a couple of weeks ago (along with her
little brother) when they probably ate something that wasn't too fresh.
Since then, she is very aware of how her tummy feels (hurting, bubbly,
etc.), worried about being away from home, but also not wanting to be
around her brother who might get sick again. Last week, he came down
with a cough and she woke up panicked in the middle of the night,
thinking that he was going to v*. She wanted to sleep in the basement
instead of her room, because she wouldn't be able to hear him if she was
down there.

My heart is absolutely BREAKING for her!!! Although she is my niece from
my husbands side of the family, I feel like she inherited so many of my
traits!

Any suggestions from all of you that I might tell my sil (who is also a
slight emet.) to help her? We both said that we want to nip this in the
bud ASAP so that she isn't suffering like us.

Thank you, friends!!!!

[e-lizabeth]

First of all, this is still just a short-term reaction to an illness, and lots of kids go through that and then come out just fine, with no long term fears. But the most important thing your sister-in-law can do is to normalize vomiting for her daughter - we say things like, "and if you puke, then what will happen? what happened the last time?"


my 7 year -old knows that "daddy does puke, mommy does teeth" because my husband is freaked by dental things, but she doesn't realize how bad i have been myself. I think it's very important to be aware of our own responses.


Also, I think that, by having aware and empathetic people in her life, your niece is better off than most of us have been.

[surfjunkie]

I think that you are probably right with the fact that it is still "fresh" in her
head. My son won't eat peanuts still even though it has been over a year
that he got sick and had eaten them.

I know that she has a lot of things going on. My sil has been gone a lot
because her mom is real sick in the hospital with cancer. And, my niece
is very close to her grandma, so there might be some links to that. Who
knows....our minds are some pretty crazy things. I think what concerns
me (and my sil, too) is that I know what it has done to my life. I just pray
that it is a temporary thing for her and doesn't effect her like it has me.

Thanks for your post, though. I know that my sil (and I) appreciate any
suggestions to help her come out on top of this!!!

[HDogg]

Your niece may be making a connection between v* and a serious illness: cancer. Maybe she sees her grandma v* a lot, and knows she is very sick and may be dying. No wonder she's scared! Maybe your SIL can help her realize that v* isn't going to mean you'll get cancer and/or die. Maybe the emet is a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder type thing? I just hope and pray she doesn't suffer her whole life, like we have. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[tootsieroll]

Oh that is horrible. I am not really to sure if there is a way to stop it but trying would be such a benefit for her in the long run. I would say do not let her have any anti- nausea meds (like gravol or pepto bismol) and I know that probably sounds horrible but if she can come to terms with it now she will be thankfull when she is older.Maybe there is some way to reassure her that there will be no harm if she does v****. It is so sad to hear a child feeling such fear it just reminds me of when I was a child and to me I really don't think anyone could have helped me fight away that fear but I also had gravol as my crutch. I really am not to sure of what you can do but really talk to herand explain that it will not hurt her. The worst thing my mother ever did was tell me I never had to v**** if i didn't want to. Good luck to you and she will be in my prayers, please update us on progress on attempts.

[surfjunkie]

You guys are the greatest!

I mentioned some suggestions to my sil. I thought that if she sat down
with my niece and had her really think through (almost visualize) a few
things, that it might help. Like, what would be the worst thing that would
happen (what EVERYONE ALWAYS asks me), what could you do IF little
brother or someone else gets sick around you, we thought about trying to
teach her some relaxed breathing, etc. She is going to Indian Princess
Camp with my daughter and I hope that it will take her mind off of it.
Although, she might worry more around all of those people (like I would).

I am also wondering about her hearing about her grandma. Although she
hasn't been around her at all (grandma has been in the hospital the whole
time) but she has probably overheard conversations about it and gotten
some ideas about what is going on. She is a bright little girl who hears
and thinks about everything, very in depth. So, she might just be
struggling with lots of thoughts and emotions and they are coming out as
the fear.

Although this is so painful to watch her go through, it MIGHT be a type of
therapy for me. As I am trying to give suggestions and talk to sil about it,
I can tell that I am being more rational with it. As a matter of fact, a
triumph has come out of it already for me. My daughter had to go to the
bathroom while at the store and the stalls were all "broken" so she had to
hold it. Then, when we got home, she was over hungry and constipated
and just laid on the couch moaning that her tummy hurt. But, I KNEW
that it was just from hunger and having "to go" and instead of WORRYING
like crazy (as I would have normally done ALL night), I made her eat
dinner to move things along and she was perfectly fine the rest of the
night. I am SO proud of myself!! I might not have done that if it hadn't
been all of the thinking I've been doing about my niece!

Ok, so are you all sick of me talking? I am sorry that it is sooooo long. If
you got through the whole thing...THANK YOU!

You are ALL dear friends to me!

[sage]

My emet started, or worsened I should say, when my dad was sick in the hospital with cancer when I was 9. He was dying, but everyone kept it from me in whispers and secrets. If your neice can FEEL the anxiety in her household, but no one's talking about it clearly and plainly, then she will be EXTREMELY anxious, and this can manifest itself in emet or a thousand other ways. Your sil should be clear and open with her, and let her grieve for grandma and feel all her emotions openly. ONce grandma dies, everyone else will have done the majority of their grieving already, but your neice will be hit with it and that's so unfair. I hope this helps some.


the point is that hiding emotion from from chldren is never a good idea. We THINK it is, because it seems as if it's protecting them. But the opposite is true. Children can process emotion better than adults. But secrecy is confusing and "crazy-making" for them.

[surfjunkie]

Thanks so much, Sage! I just sent you a pm, so you can disregard if you
would be repeating your post! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] I will pass the info. onto my sil.

Grandma is actually in a rehabilitation facility and looks to be coming
home this week. She is recovering and doing better, but still probably
not going to be the young and active grandma that my niece is used to
for quite some time. She has quite a bit of healing ahead of her.

Who knows if that is all the factor in the reason she is feeling anxiety in
this way. We will just keep letting her know that we love her. I am
thrilled that she will be open and talk to my sil about it. That is one thing
that I didn't do for a long time.