People are so inconsiderate! *clarified*

[sillygirl]

My husband works with a lady that calls in sick all the time. She will call in at least once a week, and this week she called in on Monday and Tuesday. My husband didn't think much of it since it happens so often, but today she was scheduled off, but came in with her two kids. They were running all over the place, touching everything - the phone, computer, etc. My husband used the phone and everything, not thinking about it, then he said something to the girl like "I thought you were sick." She told him her kids were sick, that they had the flu. She was just coming from picking them up at school because they sent them home again today. Of course she didn't specify what type of flu, but it seems like non-emets consider sv "the flu." My husband said thanks for letting them run all over the place so we all get sick and she just laughed and said "ha ha, you're going to get sick now." His response to her was: "so the baby can get sick too?" Then all of a sudden she was all serious and told him not to get the baby sick. Why do people do that! Do they really think it's funny making other people sick? Now I have to sit and worry for the next few days if he is going to end up sick and/or give it to us. People make me so mad sometimes!Edited by: sillygirl

[marieb73]

A lot of people do not realize how seriousviruses can be. SV, colds, flu, etc can be devestating for the very young, the very old, or those with a compromised immune system. And even if they do realize it, many don't care and think it;s no biggie to expose others to their germs.


Sorry your hubby had to deal with this idiot. I hope you guys do not catch anything and it;s likely that you won't!

[rubysoho120]

I would slap her!

[kate1966]

Yeah, that was very rude for her to bring sick kids to work, to spread their germs everywhere...but to the non emet....things like that don't phase them at all. That's why i hate being emet, i know if i wasn't it wouldn't bother me quite as bad being around someone sick, but since i am, i would freak out all the time...it sucks that she would expose someone that has a newborn baby...now that's very rude and inconsiderate of her to do that.....i would have been pissed too. I hope your husband said something to her about this.

[babygap5]

Not to start an argument here, but, as inconsiderate as she was, maybe she had no choice. Remember how certain people may not be able to afford to take days off to care for sick kids? Even though this woman calls in sick all the time doesn't mean she can afford to stay home any more days to care for the kids. And if the kids were really suffering from the flu, they wouldn't have been running around touching things, they would have been sitting in a chair looking sick and pathetic, so, maybe the "flu" as she called it was nothing more than a cold. Her snide remark to your husband also could have been her way of defending her actions since she may not have much of a choice.


Please people, everyone has a different financial situation and different circumstances as to why people come in sick or bring their sick child to the office. Try to think of them instead of focusing on what might happen to you. Think about it, emet makes people very selfish, everyone suddenly is concerned with only themselves, "am I going to get it", "what if I get sick" and it's easy to lose the compassion for others who are actually sick.


Think about how many "sick" people fill up their cars with gas, touching the pumps, think about the grocery store, the bank, the mall, sick people who bring their kids to fast food places because they only v* once and are feeling better even though they can still be contagious, there are germs everywhere. I know this is getting slightly off topic, but my emet is totally gone and it really is something that can be controlled. If your husband does get ill, keep him away from the baby. Your baby has the strongest immune system between you and your husband, so she will be fine. If you are concerned for yourself, keep taking your vitamins, they boost your immune system up. Ok, i'm done. I do hope your husband stays healthy, but remember, there are people like this lady everywhere and the bottom line is, life is to short to keep giving in to this phobia. So what if you get sick, no one likes it, but it is a fact of life. I hope this isn't harsh, but since my emet is gone, reading the posts on here lately was a real reality check for me as to how desperate and pathetic I was to give in to such a phobia. It's sad to see how I used to be, how afraid I was if a coworker had been out with a sv, how scared I was when my own hubby v* from having migraines that I actually would run away to my mother's, knowing that he didn't have a v*, but it was "just in case he did." My poor hubby needed me, and I left him, no, I RAN FROM HIM. His understanding was beyond belief that he didn't leave me.


I know i'm just rambling, but I just feel that all of you can beat this. Think about it, everyone here is worried about the dreaded sv, but really, there are so many other things to be worried about that really do deserve the attention. There are poeple who have real illnesses like cancer, or kidney issues, issues where a person's life is at stake, and all emet's are focused on is a sv that lasts a few days?


YOU CAN ALL BEAT THIS IF YOU WANT TO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO FACE IT, TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE. DON'T USE THIS SITE AS A CRUTCH FOR YOUR FEAR, USE IT FOR POSITIVE INFLUENCES. USE IT TO SHARE YOUR SUCCESS STORIES, NOT YOUR FEARS. EVERYONE ALWAYS AGREES THAT THE AMOUNT OF TIME WASTED WORRYING ABOUT V* IS SILLY, BUT YET EVERYONE STILL FOCUSES ON IT. EACH OF YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH TO KICK THIS PHOBIA IN THE ASS AND THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD ALL BE DOING. TAKE BABY STEPS, BUT TAKE THEM. DON'T JUST SIT THERE, READ THE POSTS, POST YOUR OWN SCARY MOMENTS, DON'T LET IT RUN YOUR LIFE. DON'T QUESTION EVERY LITTLE THING YOUR BODY DOES AS A POSSIBLE SIGN OF A SV. IF YOU HAVE IBS, AND ARE N*, THEN IT'S YOUR IBS ACTING UP. IF YOUR BURP TO MANY TIMES, IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE GOING TO V*, IT JUST MEANS YOUR TUMMY HAS TO MUCH GAS IN IT

[crimgoddess]

Judy- I have to give you a "Hell ya amen sista!" to everything you have written above. I completely agree with you- and hope that others are able to look at your story as an inspiration, and also make positive changes in their life.


I hope what you have stated above isn't written off as "well, I'm just not at that point to be able to do that yet". There is one thing to not be at that point but be making progress, there is another thing to remaim static, expect things to change on their own, or that it's okay to use this phobia as justification to hurt the feelings of others, or to ignore their feelings (this isn't to any one person- just a general statement).


Progress needs to start somewhere, and I think that often, what this site does is validate bad/avoidant behaviour because others do it. Or others say that it's okay to think/act this way, likely because they do it as well. You can support and encourage the person- but you don't have to condone bad behaviour, or validate patterns of action which can become very unhealthy.


So, all I have to say is that I am very VERY happy that you have reached this point in your life, and I do hope others can look at your story as inspirational. It is such a big change from your posts at this time last year, and you should be commended.


*amber*

[babygap5]

Thanks Amber, that means alot to me. I appreciate it very much. I do hope it can help others. I didn't think I would be this far along, but damn, I am, and I want everyone else here to get that way to. Thanks again for the kind words.


Judy

[shiva]

I agree, Judy. I have wanted to write posts like this over and over, but anytime I come close I do get that 'we are all at different points of treatment' speil from people and so I figure it best not to get a reputation for causing problems here.

Everything you said makes sense. I have come to all of these conclusions logically, but still have not found it in myself to beat this thing quite yet. Although, I have no doubt I will beat it- when the time is right. This does not mean your post will make me defensive. Posts like this show me that there is a reason to keep trying because success could very well be right around the corner for any of us.

Someone on here has a quote that is something like 'whether you think you can or you can't, you are right'. That is so true. I wish more of us could embrace this mentality.

Sometimes we do make it seem like these people have the plague or something. I personally stay home when I am sick and keep my daughter home when she is sick, but I am also realistic about others not doing so. So yes. Vitamins, less stress, wash hands- common sense. I think it's just another example of us emets wanting to control everything. It's come to the point where we even want to make choices for others pertaining to where they go when they are feeling sick. Although I feel these people are a bit rude, I also understand that this is my opinion and everyone has their own opinion. I think it's rude to go out in public if you are contagious. I don't do it. Do I want to control what everyone else does? Sure. Do I realize that it's unrealistic and self centered to think this way? Sure. So, I am working on it. I try to use examples that have nothing to do with emet to gain perspective. For instance... Smoking cigarettes. To me this is about the equivalent. You are interfering with my health if you smoke in public. I can avoid this to a degree, but there is not much I can do about it. Should I lock myself in my house? Hells no. Should I stop going out to see the bands that I love in the smokey bars? Not gonna happen. I dunno... Did that make sense?

I have actually been told by my work to bring my daughter here sick so that I could get my job done for them- she had strep. Yes, I needed the paycheck. You wouldn't even believe how much I needed the money. But I told them that I didn't think my sick daughter would be much comfortable here and I should be home with her. That's just me. My point is... No one else had a problem with it. I don't think much of society does have a problem with it. It is kind of our problem.

Okay here's one. Think about it this way.. When the man on the news has to come on and tell people 'If you have influenza, you should stay home'- knowing how s***ty people with influenza feel, it's obvious that most people don't worry about it like we do. I guess they probably should, but I doubt it's worth us all getting our panties in a bunch.

I am one of those people though who if I see you walking through the produce department, coughing all over the food- I will say to you 'cover your mouth- your not in kindergarten'. Usually that makes me feel a little better

apologies for the long, hodge-podge like post. i'm at work and shouldn't be on here so i am just typing away like a crack head!

[harmonygirl72]

Hey, Shiva,


That was my quote and I was so excited that you quoted it, I read it to my fiance, to which he replied, "I wish you would embrace this mentality." So, I believe it, it's just so hard to live it! But, I'm working on it! :-)


Mary

[nicki]

Hi


I hate it when people go into work sick, when I worked in a shop I used to go so mad if someone came in sick, but we didnt get paid for days we were off sick and those people with mortgages and children simly couldnt afford to take the time off. I now work in as a teacher in a secondary school. I would have to be really ill to take time off as if I don't go in it means other teachers have to cover my classes in the time that is supposed to be set aside for their marking / planning. I barely have time to get all my work done in the free time i have so if people were to take loads of time off I would never get it ill. We also have lots of children who come in a few hours after they have v* saying their parents couldnt take the day off work. I used to get so mad about that but what is the most responsible, leaving a sick child home alone or sending them to school hoping they will be ok and that if they are not at least someone will be able to look after them.


When i first started teaching I would want a sick child away from me as quick as possible, now that I care about the children an instinct kicks in where i feel like I could look after them if it did happen. It has given me hope for the future that when I have children this instinct will be stronger and cope.


Tothe original poster, I do think that woman was a little insensitive. I don't know her personal circumstances so can't comment on whether she was justified taking the children in to work. However, I know if it had been me and had taken sick children to work, i would make them sit down in a corner to minimise the contact with other people.


I thinkthat like babygap I'm getting over my emet. I can now see both sides to a story and if i get ill i get ill, its not the end ofthe world for me anymore.

[Galadriel]

Let me just say I can understand if you don't want to catch what she has. Nobody enjoys being sick. I can also understand if she needs to work for the money then she has to be there. In Sillygirl's post though this woman does have a history of just taking lots and lots of time off which sounds like she may possibly be abusing it. Thats what got me about the post and what irked me the most, that now when she really needs the time shes "cried wolf" so many times that now she has to drag her sick kids to work *(this is said with the assumption that this woman has taken days off where she didnt have anything wrong and could have come in to work)*.

It is true though that not all of us are at the same level, its simply just a fact. I can understand that you would like all of us to be cured, its a fact that many on here aren't. Some may be on here using the site as a crutch, others as help, and others may not be ready to take the plunge yet to getting past this. It really is about where the individual stands, and its up to each to decide. This place is good to come on here and know you aren't alone, and vent through it and come when you're having trouble, but also with the goal in mind being to work towards getting through this. Lots of times though that process involves coming on here and venting about it and bringing concerns about it up, its part of the process.

A good therapist/counselor is one who can come to the level of the patient instead of requiring that they come to the therapists level. For clarification, the therapist meets the patient where they are at and walks them through the stages to get better instead of standing above them "looking down".

[shiva]

That's true, too. One person's issues shouldn't ever be discounted here because everyone's thoughts and feelings are valid.

[japa]

That's true, Galadriel, that a therapist meets a patient on his/her level. But in the work that I have done with my therapist that has never meant that she doesn't tell me when I'm being illogical and that she doesn't challenge me. She just does it in a way in which she asks me the tough questions, even ones that I may not want to answer or ones that I get angry at her about. I have been angry at my therapist before, and I have even raised my voice at her. So obviously, she is not always just soothing me. Sometimes people have to face painful truths about themselves and their behavior.


Therapy and getting better are not always about soothing validation and reinforcement.


Also, sage is the only therapist on here. The rest of us can just give laypeople's support. People have to go through their own treatment with medical professionals, and most of all, they have to commit themselves and all of their mental and emotional and physical and financial resources to getting better.


I also find it interesting that there is a great deal of reporting that therapists tend to tell their patients not to come to this site when they are in treatment. This has been brought up time and again, but it may be that this site truly isn't the best place to be if you have your sights set on becoming cured. I mean, why come here to say, "I'm afraid because I drank a can of coke that a sick person might have touched. Am I weird?" And then, have ten people say, "No, you're not weird. I do that too." O.K. so ten other people do it, but unfortunately, they are ten other people on this forum, so in actuality, yes, it is weird to worry about this because the general population does not. And yes, I think that emetophobia does have selfish aspects to it. I have been selfish myself in many ways because of this phobia. What good does it do us not to admit that there is something selfish about the way we withdraw into ourselves and our own fears when someone else is sick?


Oh well. If I weren't going out tonight, then I would probably start a new thread because all of this discussion has got me thinking about something. Edited by: japa

[sillygirl]

babygap - I understand your point that some people can't afford to take time off,but, in this case, she didn't bring her kids in because she needed to work, she brought them in to "hang out." She was off that day and just stopped in. They work in a retail store, so I doubt there was anything pressing that she had to get done on her day off. She just chose to get out of the house for a while and drag her "supposedly" sick kids with her. What bugged me even more than her exposing everyone else was her attitude, making fun of the situation. If I'm sick I don't purposely go around to people close to me and say "ha ha, you're going to get sick now!" That is just rude.


And again, let me clarify, thatmyemet is actually doing better. I think I am more afraid that what she or the kids have is influenza because that can be horrible - even deadly - if my 2 month old catches it. It is my "mom" side kickingin here, not the emet, trying to protect my daughter.


Well so far my husband is fine. It's been 3 days, so hopefully he won't get anything. But, the other guy that was there that day called in sick today. He is as bad as the original girl about abusing sick time, so it's hard to tell if he was even sick or not. They just need to hire some more reliable people there!

[californiagirl]

SILLYGIRL~~~


In this particular case, I agree with you that this girl was rude, partly because she exposed other people (especially the father of a newborn!), and because her kids should have been home resting. A good mother would have respected that and would have sacrificed her need to "hang out" and take proper care of her kids, if they were actually sick.

[shiva]

She was rude... And I hate when people abuse sick time.


Sillygirl, I am glad that your emet is improving. How is motherhood treating you?

[melissarene]

Judy/Babygap, I think that you made some great points, but I want to admit that I was slightly offended, and really get continually offended when people post things like that. Myself, I know that using this site as a crutch is a bad idea, but we each are coping our own ways right now. I absolutely HATE when someone (and I'm not saying you!) get all high and mighty and tell others to stop worrying like they do. The phrase I hate the most:


"I used to be this way or that, but now I'm cured...now I know better, etc."


It's like, oh, I'm better now, so I know better than you, I'm better than you, etc....


If we are at the point in treatment where it helps to have a support group, I don't think that's anything to pick at people about.


What is the point of these forums if we can't come here during worrysome moments and anxiety????? It's so frustrating, because this is the second type of post in the last week or so that I have seen this sort of reply; in fact, one of the posts were mine.


Please, some of us need this...Maybe some of us can't AFFORD to see someone professionally just yet. Maybe this site has helped. It certainly has for me! In fact, I don't even visit as often as I used to because it has!


While these replies contain great information, some people just don't want to hear it sometimes.


- - -


Regardless, I think that sillygirl has plenty reason to be a little frustrated. The lady who brought her 'sick' kids in was inconsiderate. Especially because she was just dropping in. I'm mainly frustrated about that because it isn't about her spreading the germs, but I hate when parents don't let their kids sleep/rest when sick. No, we don't know her situation and we don't know why she had to bring them in, but I say, who cares!

[punchbuggy]

I didnt read all the posts or anything , but if her kids were sick why would she let them run around the workplace like that. sorry but when people feel under the weather they dont run around having fun. And if they really were sick shes an inconsiderate person but what goes around comes around . I beleive in karma

[sillygirl]

She was rude... And I hate when people abuse sick time.


Sillygirl, I am glad that your emet is improving. How is motherhood treating you?

Motherhood is great! I'm sad though, because I have to go back to work in a week. I can't imagine not being with my daughter 24/7, but we need the money so I really have no choice. I would love to find something I can do from home, but it is so hard to find anything that is legitimate. I still have baby fever BIG TIME. I keep reading the posts on IES from all of the pregnant women and I wish I were one of them! The truth is, my husband and I haven't been too careful lately - for all I know I will be joining that group again soon! It wouldn't be the best situation for us right now, but we would make it work and I would love to have another baby. I'm actully late, but so far all tests point to negative. I must just be adjusting to not being pregnant anymore. I just wish something would happen - either a positive pregnancy test or my period. Not knowing is the worst!

[HDogg]

There's a big difference between sending your kids somewhere sick because you absolutely cannot afford to keep them home, and the situation which sillygirl described. That truly was inconsiderate of her!


I have my days where I get so completely sick of myself and thisdumb phobia, that I just say "screw it! I'm doing this whether I'm scared or not!" I think that is what most of us truly have to work on. Some of us may never be cured. Sadly, that is the truth. Not all of us will get completely better. But it's a matter of how far will you let this run your life? How much will you give into your fears? Are you willing to sometimes put your fears aside, and put yourself in the "line of fire" for the sake of love of a family member or friend?


Of course, having this phobia, it's pefectly natural to come on here and ask "I ate this---am I going to be all right?" or "I'm scared! My kids are sick!" That's what this site is for: support and a venting ground for emet, right?


Right now, what I think ismost important for a lot of us, is not so much being cured RIGHT NOW, but being willing to walk outside of our comfort zones and truly make steps that are more healing, instead of further feeding the phobia. Know what I mean? Like, if a loved one is sick, maybe stay in the house, but at the other end, instead of running away completely.


We all are at different points in our recovery or lack thereof. But maybe we should focus more on little goals, rather than the huge "getting cured" thing. Sort of a "one day at a time' mentality. Ya know? [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[babygap5]

Melissarene: I apologize if my post offended you. I simply wanted to express to you and encourage all of you to take baby steps to beating it, that's all. I'm not trying to come off all high and mighty, but looking at this site from a a different perspective makes me realize just how bad I was. This site helped me get through many bad times, and for that I will always be greatful. But, there are people here who never seem to write about any sort of little triumph, or attempt at a triumph that they did and that is the part that is frustrating. I didn't expect my emet to go away like it did, I just reached a level that many on this board haven't gotten to YET, but you all will.


Hdogg: My post did encourage everyone to take babysteps, that's how I started and that's a great way to start to gain control.


Sillygirl: You weren't clear in your first post that this person just came in on her day off to hang out with her alleged sick kids, and her carefree attitude regarding germs, but again, if the kids were that sick, they would have been sitting down, not running around touching everything. I understand your "mothering" instinct to protect your 2 month old from germs, but, honestly, you have to look at it logically, would kids who were suffering from the flu really care to run around a retail store and play with stuff? Maybe the kids simply wanted to come home from school early and lied about their symptoms, that happens on occasion.


I again, apologize if my post offended anyone, I was just trying to show you that I can see what a controlling phobia this is because 1 year ago, I was writing the posts, "am i going to be ok" etc. and I want to share my way of kicking this phobia in the hopes that it can help or inspire others to take control. Yes you can come here and vent, that's why John created this sight, for support and venting, I'm not saying that this site isn't good for that, I'm just saying that insipirational stories like mine mightencourage just one person on here to get the courage which is in them to make a positive first step to recovery.

[japa]

I'm tending to think that I remember this disagreement arising before in other threads. The disagreement to which I am referring is the one where one contingent of forum members claim it's rude, inconsiderate, selfish *fill in the blank with negative adjective* for people to come out in public sick or to bring their kids out that way. Then, the other contingent of forum members who are of the other opinion come out of the woodwork and say that we emets are rude, inconsiderate, selfish, *fill in the blank with negative adjective* to expect people not to come out if they are sick or their kids are sick. Then, the first group gets offended at what the second group said, and then second group gets offended that first group is offended. And so it goes.


The reason that I am saying that the topic of this thread and the responses are forming a repetitive pattern is because I think that this topic is just a polarizing topic on this forum, i.e. it causes strong feelings one way or the other. So, I think that we shouldn't have hard feelings about what people have stated on either side because it is just a hot button type of topic in my opinion. Trust me, I could find the other threads that turned out this way, but I'm too damn lazy and busy, lol. And I of course throw myself into this boat because every time this topic comes up, here I go again, posting away, adding fuel to the fire. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll stop.


Anyway, sometimes we differ on this issue. It's alright.

[crimgoddess]

Yes, we all need to vent once and awhile- and it is healthy to get problems off your chest when you're feeling horrible and just want to speak to anyone- even if it's only in cyberspace. I don't think those posts are what Judy was getting at as being problematic. I think, if I am interpreting correctly, that Judy was more getting at the ones that are outright asking for reassurance that they WON'T be sick, when none of us can really answer that question- especially if the same type of post gets repeated often by the same people when the symptoms are the same. I don't think she was necessarily talking about the "I'm having a really crappy day, glad to be able to talk about it" posts. Judy, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.


I know it's everyone's first reaction to say "don't worry, you won't be sick"- and likely they won't, but whatit does, in my opinion, is start a loop whereby this site becomes part of someone's obsessive pattern related to their emet; namely that they need to come here and ask if they will be alright. I think when this happens, what it does is set the person up not to trust themselves and their knowledge of their own body- they need to learn to reassure themself when it comes to the "will I be sick" question. I think this site can be great for "man, I feel like crap, I just need to talk about it with people who understand"- but once it delves into the "tell me I won't be sick" zone, it starts going down a very non-productive slope.


I think that people on both sides of the issue need to work of this- both the original posters and the people who respond. I think people need to maybe start making a conscious effort to not ask the "I did this/ate this/came in contact with this/am feeling like this- will I be sick? Tell me I won't be sick" questions, and maybe switch to the "I did this/ate this/came in contact with this/am feeling like this- and it's scary, I don't like it, I'm glad others understand". That, and we should all stop with the "don't worry- it is <insert reason> (that the OP usually mentions themself), you will be fine" and try to make more of an effort at saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, I hope things get better" or "I hope you don't get sick, but if you do you will be okay, and we're here to talk about it afterwards".


As for people talking about how they feel now once they have been cured- I don't see this as them saying in any way that they are superior, or are doing so to gloat. I think it's a very positive thing, because most people who get better don't really come back to the site much, and when you have a lot of people here who are really bad with their emet it gives the impression that this is insurmountable, and no one gets better. If I post something at the height of my anxiety, and someone replies "I used to feel like that, but now that I consider myself cured it doesn't bother me"- to me it's a positive. It makes me want to work harder so that I can get to that level too.


I firmly believe that EVERYONE can get to the point where emetophobia is no longer a major issue in their lives. Whether they consider themselves "cured" is another issue, but everyone has the potential for great improvement (and yes, it is a slow process that needs to be worked on gradually). This site can help with this improvement- but in no way should it be seen as a subsitute for therapy. There is only one person on this board (to my knowledge) who is really qualified to give out therapeutic advice- the rest of us just try to do the best we can, with mixed results. Often, it's the blind leading the blind, lol.


This site has a lot of potential for good- but it also has the potential to a) normalize emet into a style of living instead of an anxiety disorder that should be worked on, b) cause you to focus more on illness/being sick than previously, and c) make you no longer trust your own body, and require reassurance from an external source. Sometimes, the balance between the good and bad of this site tends to teeter- and I think we need to work to

[happyteacher]

Right on Amber!

[japa]

wow, amber! awesome post!


Edited to say that you do bring up a great point about whether this forum really should be a place where people can constantly come to get told "no, you won't get sick."


Edited by: japa

[babygap5]

Amber, once again, thanks for the kind words. Your interpretation on my post was correct, if you are having a bad day and need to vent regarding any topic, that's great, but you hit the nail on the head on the same people with the repetative reassurance posts. Again, I apologize if I offended anyone, I just know that it's within each and every one of you to take control and beat it, that's all. If anyone needs and advice on how I did it, please pm me, I'd be more than happy to chat.

[hippychick]

I agree Amber, though when I was at my worst I couldn't even entertain the thought that I might get sick, thinking about it made me panic and it was awful. Alll I ever wanted was for people to tell me I wouldn't get sick so I could calm down. Now I ask for help in if I do get sick, how can I get through it. I try to offer that advice too when people are panicking. My mother has always been a realist with me, whenever I panic she always says "Well maybe you are sick but you'll be fine anyway"

I would love this place to be come more positive and productive but the problem is everyone is at different stages in their emet. So what works for one doesn't for another.