What the hell?!?!

[xroofusx]

I can't acctuly belive my dad admitted he loves my brother more then me, i mean ok far enough he can if he wants, but to admit it to me. We had an argument yesterday and i said "Your the one who's always been violent towards everyone and needs help". He came and asked if i wanted any food from shopping so i asked for a few things and then he started huffing, so i said why are you huffing for and he says can't you pay for some of it, ok yes i can pay for it and will if i have to, just the fact he dosn't ask my brother who won't do anything to pay for it and he's 20 years old. Im trying so hard with my art at the moment, but he just keeps picking on me for every little thing i do. Im sorry but i don't get how he paid for my brothers drug addiction for 2 years, and im just recovering from an eating disorder and he's moaning about me asking for food.., so i asked him do you love james (my brother) more then me and he said yeah i do acctuly, so i don't know if he means it or not, but i havn't spoken to him since yesterday now.

I just don't get what im doing wrong really, does he just see me as some kind of easy target to pick on, its like when my brother was violent towards my parents when they wouldn't give him money for drugs, he used to beat them up and if i was there he would come and hurt me when he had hurt them. I used to have to jump in and try stop the arguments, i mean i didn't know what to do when my brother had a knife in his hand threating to kill my mum in front of me, a few times i made the mistake of standing in the way of my mum to end being punched in the face or picked up and thrown into the door, i just don't get why all this happend, i try and be kind to people and help people and then i get all this happen, i don't want to sound selfish and understand there's people in the world with bigger problems, but im just confused in what to do now, im so scared to move away, i have no idea how i will cope on my own, i can't even touch a remote without washing my hands anymore, sorry for the rant..[img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img][img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img].

Ruth x

[Galadriel]

Hey Ruth,
Geez thats a real tough thing. From reading other posts, your dad sounds like he really needs to get his act together. Some people like him just like to pick on other's weaknesses, and my guess is he knows that he has a lot of problems of his own (anger issues and such), and projects it onto you by picking on you and treating you like he does. Actually my dad did something similar (not to the extreme yours has tho, my dad never hit anyone or anything), but he did make fun of things I was struggling with and I always felt he treated my brother with more respect and more as an "equal".

I don't think you are doing anything wrong at all, you have come a long long ways, and you are very strong, and maybe your dad sees you are getting better with things and is in a way jealous? He may see the things lacking in his life and sees you making progress and so tries to tear you down.

Dont ever feel bad for ranting, we all need to sometimes.
I know the idea of moving out can be real real frightening, I remember going through that and yea I couldnt imagine how I would survive outside of home, but I am doing a lot better now, and like being married and away from all that crap. I think once you get out of the situacion at home, you'll be able to look back and see that at home was abusive. I know also that even tho things arent good at home its all that you know, and even tho its bad its familar to you, but once you are out and used to being away from it you'll see how much easier it is to not have to come home to dealing with shouting parents and such.
When you do move out it will be scary at first but you will become ok with it and it'll be familar to you. Change like that is often scary but it will work out.

[samara's on tv]

Take it from a person who is clearly treated differently from her sisters, it's really hard but if your parents are going to be A-Holes like that then make a promise to yourself to work that much harder to succeed in life. I was adopted and yes I was toldby my father that it was a mistake to adopt me. Of course he won't admit to ever saying this to me cause my dad is a pretencious jackass who never admits to his own faults or statements. Anyway, you just have to some how become independant of them and take care of yourself. I know it sucks, but I know how you feel my sister gets SO SO SO SO SO Much more then me because my parents treat her like the golden child. Try to establish your own personality and F*** Them! That's the only way I've been able to survive.


~Monica

[katsamsmom]

sorry roofus.


Take this in considereation how you will treat your own children


I am sorry this has happend to you. You are loved here!!!!








(((((HUGS))))))

[tcsarah]

Yes, your dad certainly has some problems and really needs to sort himself out. Some parents do have favourites, though they would never admit it out loud, but I think maybe your dad said this to you (and was immature in doing so) to try and hurt you as you probably hit a nerve saying that he was the one who needs help.


At times in the past my dad has said some hurtful things to me like how he never wanted a girl, and would have loved a boy, and was so disappointed when my mum gave birth to a girl. He's also said other things that have upset me, although it was many years ago now - he seems to have mellowed as he's got older - like critisizing everything I bought him one year for Christmas and being really nasty. At one point I really didn't think he cared much atall, but thenaccidently overheard him talking to somebody saying how I was the most important person in his life and he loved me to pieces! He was going through his own problems when he was horrible with me - when people are hurting they tend to take it out on the ones closest to them and my step-mum got quite a bit of nastiness from him too!


I bet if your dad were to have counselling it would do him so much good. Always keep in mind that he has problems and if he does say hurtful things to you take them with a pinch of salt. You are a lovely girl Ruth, don't ever doubt that!


Stay strong x

[japa]

Unfortunately, sometimes there are no real explanations for why a parent favors one child over another. Don't look for anything logical in it. He's wrong to favor one child over another, of course, and it's not your fault that he is behaving like that. My dad favored my sister for a long time, and now he favors me. It's never made any sense, and I don't expect it ever will.

[xroofusx]

Hey, thanks for all the replies[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]. Yeah my dad needs to sort things out, he said sorry and everything, but you know, it keeps happening. I do really need to leave i think, im just scared and i have no idea how to go about it. My dad is also scared of my brother so when he is around him, he trys to stay on my brothers good side.

I feel a bit bad though as earlier on(ok i probaly sound like a right freak) i got a knife up to my neck and threatend to kill myself infront of my parents , but insted cut my arms, and i just feel bad as i didn't do it for ages. My keeps saying she should have moved out with us when i was 6 when it all started, but i keep telling her, thats in the past you can't change that and only go forward. I said to her im willing to get a job so i can move out with her, but she says she dosn't want to leave her part time job, so we couldn't afford it. To be honest i really don't see whats going to happen, at the moment i just feel so messed up about things, thank you all for the replies and support[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]. Im sorry everyone for the things your parents have put you through also.

Ruth x

[kate1966]

Yeah, i have the same thing going on in my own family...well sort of...my husband favors one of my sons over the other...well it's the fact that he's jealous of our oldest son, he admits this, and trys to change himself....my husband has been in thereapy for several years now for this, and other reasons, and he's come around quite a bit...i understand how you must feel, it hurts my son deeply...and i always always always take up for my son over my husband any day. My husband knows this too, and so he's come to the realization that if he wants to stay married to me, he will not treat our son bad anymore...i think your mom needs to stand up to this man, and get rid of him. It's not right, to do this to a child...i wish you could move out and be on your own...you would be so much better off. I hope things get better for you soon Ruth!!!!!

[sage]

Ruth, honey - if a parent ever says they love one child more than another, or if they actually do, then there's something wrong with the parent. Not you - you're not doing anything wrong. Who knows why your dad is like this - but it has NOTHING to do with you. Trust me on this one. Your dad is somehow working out "unresolved" stuff from his own family of origin with you kids. I repeat - it's not about you.


Having said that, it's really quite dangerous for people with anxiety disorders to cutoff from their parents or alienate them emotionally, so I don't recommend sharing this insight with your dad. Perhaps when things are relatively calm between you two, you can calmly tell him how you felt when he said that. Something like, "you know, dad....when you said you loved (brother) more than me, that really hurt my feelings." He might get mad because it's like you've accused him of something, but you really haven't....it's an "I-statement" totally. So don't respond if he gets anger, just say "I just wanted you to know"