Is there a place for recovered emets

[japa]

and only mildly affected emets on this forum (I mean, besides sage)? And if so what do people feel their place should be?


This line of questioning may sound strange, but I have been thinking about it off and on for a while because, well frankly, sometimes I believe that this forum does not create a hospitable environment for the recovered or the mildly phobic (yes, I am in the mildly phobic category, so this thread is addressed to a self-interested concern).


One reason that I believe this is because of the sense that I get from the forum that disagreement and dissent are really not tolerated. And I think that this lack of tolerance toward disagreement is connected to the severity of the phobia. Some members have mentioned connections between disagreement and their reliance on this place for support.


From what I understand, if you (you being used in the general sense) are very, very anxious and the phobia is very severe, and you post something about the phobia or even something off topic, and someone disagrees, then I have heard that your comfort zone becomes threatened. You feel that you can no longer give and receive support on the forum because it's no longer a safe place. It's my theory (and of course, I could be wrong) that if your phobia is less severe or you've recovered that disagreement becomes much less threatening because you don't feel as if your main solace in this forum is being jeopardized.


I believe that people who are no longer as affected by emetophobia may tend in general to be a little more challenging and a little less validating in their posts, and maybe they can't help it because they now have a different perspective. Is there an opening for that perspective on the forum? Or should this forum only be a place for those debilitated on a daily basis by this phobia and for sage? Should less phobic members only answer in threads in which they can unequivocally agree with what is being said so as not to offend those who "aren't in the same place with their phobia"? I realize that many recovered emets no longer bother coming to this forum, and that may just be because they don't need the help from here, which is fine. But for those of us who are recovered or who have less intense phobias, some of us do still come here, and we must all have our individual reasons.


Feel free to disagree with the premise of my post [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]Edited by: japa

[glitta_fairy]

No i think it's great that you started this topic, as i have noticed the same thing especially in a couple of posts lately. Personally, i think there is definitely a place for recovered or mildly affected emets or at least there should be. I have been feeling alot less anxious emet-wise lately, and find it a positive thing that there are others who are in the same boat. It encourages me to continue to think positively. I have been in the same place as those who are continually agonising over the same things, and i would never judge anyone for feeling that way... HOWEVER- i also think it is important that this way of thinking is challenged. I say this because i believe this forumshould be focused on the recovery side of the phobia, rather than the continuation of fear- i think it's unhealthy. And i guess that's why this debate continues- as we are all at different stages with our emet,we can find it hard to understand each other at times as a result of that. It affects the way we use this forum, in that some rely on more support during the hard times, howeverthat doesn't mean that those who don't are any better. Just at a different stage.


There needs to be a way that everyone can communicate- those who are recovered, mildly affected, and very affected. I guess no matter what people will disagree with others-but they shouldn't be censored unless they are making a personal attack. If everyone gave validation all the time, we would all feel comfortable, sure, but would it help anyone in the long run? In the short-term they might feel calmer, and that kind of support is great in times of stress and panic-but doesn't it also promote reliance on this board? And not only that- it does nothing to help conquer the fear of v*.


I think this board really needs to promotea positivemessage- We will all get sick and so will the people around us- and it's ok! Some of us need a kick up the a** sometimes to remember that- Me included[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]!!! Different points of view-both those that support and those that challenge are neccessary to help us kick this phobia.


KaylaEdited by: glitta_fairy

[shiva]

I'm going to think on this a while... You definitely make some good points. I mean, those who are maybe further on in their progress toward overcoming this fear still need a place to go because I don't know about you, but I have good days and bad days. But, it definitely hurts my feelings when my ideas or thoughts are shot down because I am maybe further along than some because I still have way far to go.. way far... Hmm.. And I suppose it's hard for someone who is where I was 7 years ago (a hermit) to hear certain stuff, too.

[sage]

I must say first of all, thanks Japa, for starting this thread. I also want to take the opportunity to say thanks to all those of you who are recovered or who only suffer mildly and have some perspective on it. I really feel good when I check out a thread and see that someone like yourself or Crimgoddess or E-liz - and several others - have answered in a really insightful way, or pointed people to the articles on the Treatments thread, so it saves me typing for 2 or 3 hours!


I found for myself that along with treating the phobia, a "perk" I experienced was being less fearful of rejection in general (not being loved, whatever) which is the root of the phobia anyway. So the perk was that I became less sensitive in general, and now it doesn't bother me when someone sounds off or is critical. I realize that "it's not about me" (INAM)! People with extreme phobias are also quick to defend themselves because all human beings do that when anxiety is high anyway, and if you have an anxiety disorder then it's even worse. I was this way when I was phobic, and I'm not so much now. So....I guess what I'm trying to say is that for those less afflicted....just have some sympathy for the others and try not to take arguments or hurtful comments personally. It's just emotional reactivity, and you're not responsible for other people's emotional reactivty - that's their own issue.


I tend to ignore angry or rude posts altogether, and I would suggest that for everyone else. I don't "reward" that sort of behavior withattention. Of course, I also have the power of the "delete" button...lol (although I seldom use it).


Anyway, I hope that people cured and people who aren't too bad off do stick around and help others - I keep coming on here because it makes me feel so good when someone is helped and especially if they're healed.


Thanks again!

[missminty]

Hey i totally agree with sage and the others. Getting ressurance from somebody who has healed/is healing can often bring a perspective and rationality that we panicking emets don't have. Although we don't alays want to hear what crimgoddess and others have said, itis true. We will get sick some day. If there is a message that this just isnt going to happen when it actually does it will probably do a lot more damage.


Lol, all what i have written above comes from rational me, if you read my post about my panic attack i was totally irrational. I guess it's important that when we are feeling strong we try to be kind and supportive but firm. I think its also beneficial to hear from people that are furtheralong the healing process because it provides hope for those who are struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel.


xx

[crimgoddess]

Japa- I agree with so much of what you have posted. I do think that for many members, emet is directly related to a loss of control- and when someone challenges one of their ideas, they view it as a direct attack on them, even though that was definitely not the intent.


Sage- I agree with you in terms of not trying to "reward" someonewho goesoff the handle on you with a response- nowif only I can stick to that, lol. At the same time- I do think that the people who ARE quick to respond negatively when someone disagrees with them should realize that A) it's an internet forum- nothing posted on here should warrant anyone putting in time and energy to become extremely upset, and B) disagreeing with someone is part of life- and since everyone here is from different areas of the world and are affected differently by this phobia, disagreement is bound to happen. It's not personal. But then again, the illogical side often trumps the logical side when it comes to this. They likely "know" this, but respond anyway out of emotion.


A trend that I have noticed is that really only one manifestation of this phobia is100% accepted on this board- that is the extreme end. If you aren't as extreme (or are in the process of improving greatly), and can look a bit more objectively at the larger picture, often your ideas are dismissed. OR- if you are a bit abberant from the norm, such as the woman who came on here once who was emetophobic with emetophilic tendencies as well, you run the risk of being attacked (notice that she hasn't returned? I can't say that if I was in her position I would either).


I DO think that people who are improving and no longer as greatly affected should feel comfortable- and I do think that their insight is valuable. When I first joined little under a year ago, I was going through a bit of a rough patch, and it was the people who were telling me "hey, I was like you, but this is how I got better" who really helped me make progress. Now that I am a bit more in that position, I feel as though I should step in and help if possible as payback for those who have helped me.


Glitta_Fairy- it is also great to see that others are recovering too. If I was having a bad day, and I came on here and saw that EVERYONE was also in a rough state, and very severe at the moment,I would feel as though my own situation was a bit insurmountable. BUT, if I am having a bad day, and I see others who are talking about their improvements, and how they used to think one way, but have since changed, it gives me encouragement. Essentially, a feeling of "well, if they can do it, so can I".


LOL.....that, and if all the people who are getting better left, Sage would be in overdrive! Sage, it's fantastic what you do here, and I'm glad that some of us can make your job a little bit easier. If it wasn't for a lot of your time and effort (and your recruiting of Alvin to give us some much-needed info), many of us wouldn't haveknownwhere to start when tackling the issue of treatment and improvement.


*amber*

[out_of_order]

Maybe there should be a separate section where recovered or mildly phobic people can post, but I don't mean exclusively. Like the private forum, maybe if there was a "Recovered/Mildly Phobic" forum, then those of us who are recovered or mildly phobic can post there more freely about topiics that encourage people to challenge their fear, and those who want to talk to us can, and those who don't want to hear it because they are still extremely phobic don't have to worry about their safe place being threatened.

I was going to start a new thread about this topic but then I found this which is why I'm replying to such an old thread. I didn't realize this disucussion was had before.