OT: SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!

[samara's on tv]

Okay so here's the deal, my sister said she didn't want me to tell anyone but you guys don't know my sister and will never talk to her and I have to get help somewhere before I can go into therapy on tuesday.


Tonight I'm talking to my sister and she tells me not to get mad but she bought some coke to do, not right away but at a party or something. I didn't get mad cause I think that if you want to do coke or any other drugs then that's your perogative. I am worried cause she's my sister but I'm not going to yell at her or run off to my mom and dad and tell them.


Then she tells me she wants to do coke because she wants to lose weight. Once again I told her what she's trying to accomplish is very dangerous. She says she knows the dangers, but my other sister has done coke before and is fine, so that's what she's basing it on.


So then she says there's something else she needs to tell me, and she makes me promise on EVERYTHING I HOLD DEAR not to get mad. And I really can't get mad at her so I promised and honestly I'm not mad as much as I am worried. She tells me that she's Bulemic. That it's been going on for about a year. She doesn't vomit after EVERYTHING she eats but only after she binges. I once again went over the details with her about how dangerous it could be.


She is 130 pounds and about 5'1 and she thinks she's too fat right? She was down to 110 before she went to college and she looked fabulous and she didn't/doesn't want to lose any more weight then that. I've always thought she looked fine the way she was and I think she's absolutely beautiful. I was probably the ONLY one around her (Family included) That DIDN'T pressure her to lose weight, but my mom and dad were/are ALWAYS on her about losing WEIGHT! I mean ALWAYS! It's terrible and I hate them for it.


Anyway she said she'll talk to a counselor but she doesn't intend to stop being bulemic. I had an idea that she was bulemic when I would come visit her cause she would always go up to her bathroom after we ate and stay in there for a while. It doesn't scare me because it's her vomiting, it scares me because I know how dangerous it is! Is this one of the things I should tell my parents about? Although, and I'm not making this up, my Mom has/Sees NO problem in being bulemic because she's FREAKIN OBSESSED with weight and how other people should look. (She's overweight herself but GOD FORBID me or one of my sisters is) I really don't know what to do or to tell my sister and I'm really scared for her. Can anyone help?


~Monica

[samara's on tv]

Anyone have ANY idea ANYTHING?


~Monica

[Galadriel]

Hey Monica,
First off I am so sorry for you and your sister having to deal with this. Your parents (especially mom) is really not helping the situacion at all. I bet thats a big reason why she became bulemic in the first place. Thats really sad.

Well, does she go to counseling or anything? This is something sadly enough that she needs to decide to change, and no one can make her do otherwise. You can try to encourage her, but beyond that I'm not sure you can do a whole lot especially seeing that she doesn't want tp give it up. Does she go to therapy at all?

Man this is hard, because she has told you this, could you talk to your mom about it, how she is bulimic now, and this is serious and your mom needs to stop concentrating on looks so much as the mental well being of her children (I really don't get her mindset at all).

[samara's on tv]

Thanks Galadriel, she madem e promise not to talk to my parents about it and I said I wouldn't. I made HER promise that she would go see a counselor for this, but because of my mom's views on her weight she doesn't think that bulemia is such a bad problem. If my mom didn't drill it into her head that's she's fat, this wouldn't be a problem to begin with.


I don't know who else to tell cause I promised her I wouldn't tell my mom and dad, like I said, and also, like I said, they wouldn't help much. They would probably think I was making it up (This same thing happened to my other sister and they shrugged it off, so am I supposed to believe they will really help with this one?)


I don't know what to do and I'm so scared!


~Monica

[hippychick]

In any other case I would tell you to tell your mum and dad so they can help you support her. However in this case I think it would do more harm than good because not only would they be unsupportive and deny the problem but then your sister would lose trust in you and it's very important that she doesn't do that right now. She's put a lot of faith in you by telling you this and it's a very scary burden to hear about, so far advising her to see someone is the best way I think. Maybe you could go with her to a Dr and get her to talk to them? I'm going to ask my friend who is in the process of recovering from bulimia to have a think about this one and see what she advises.

Also there is nothing wrong with you talking this through with your therapist or Dr to see if they have any information or resources that can help you. It's a really hard situation to be in and you can't cure your sister, even with the best will in the world. There is no shame in taking time to plan your next step but for now let her know how much you love her and that you are going to be there to help her through this.

How old is your sister btw?

Edited by: hippychick

[samara's on tv]

Thanks Hippychick, she turned 18 this year and just started college, she was doing fine with her weight (As far as I know) When she was at home, but if this bulemia has been going on for about a year then I'm wrong. I've seen people who don't have their bulemia under control and although she claims that she has it under control, how long before she doesn't? I am going to talk this over with my therapist on tuesday. In the mean time I'm just scared that she might do something stupid or something might happen to her you know?


~Monica

[tayda]

Bummer, I have no good advice though... sorry