fear of becoming a bad mom

[cardinalgirl]

I know that someday i am going to have children ( somewhere in the near future), however, not only does the morning sickness issue bother me ( which i am determined to fight head on and not v* at all) but my main concern is my children. i cannot stand to be around v*. i will hyperventalite or pass out when someone is even FEELing like they are going to. I got in a wreck when my boyfriend who was the passenger said i had to pull over cause he had to be sick ( i pulled over way to far, like the ditch haha) ANYWAY, my point is this. When my child is sick ( and im not talking about infants, cause i can handle the spit up milk thing) but when they start to eat real food producing real v*, how can i be composed enough to deal with them being sick. how could i clean it up if my husband is not home and most importantly, how can i let me kid know that he/she is ok and not going to die from v* when i think i am? has anyone thought about this or gone through this too??

[crimgoddess]

Have you checked out the treatments forum?


You don't HAVE to face this head on with little to no preparation- if you go into treatment, you can work on the anxiety before this is even an issue. I am a massive proponent of people going into treatment and working on this issue before they have kids, not only for the kids' sake, but for your sake as well. You don't want to be worrying every night if they are going to be sick, or be anxious every time they head out for fear they will catch something.


My rationale for people who say that treatment isn't an option due to cost- but then are thinking of children, is that treatment is definitely cheaper than the latter


I would say find a good therapist/counsellor, and bring them the info from some of the stickies at the top of the treatments forum. You can DEFINITELY get to the point where the things you mentioned (cleaning up vomit, dealing with a sick kid alone, etc) won't be as anxiety-inducing as they are to you now.


Goodluck


*amber*

[bandnerd]

Kids are amazing, and I felt a lot like you before I had some. Now, when they do it, and I'm forced to, I can clean it up pretty well without freaking out. Then for the next 3 days I walk around in a panic wondering when it will hit me. It only did once, 5 years ago today (wow, its my anniversary). I don't think I would be able to clean up after any one elses child, but when it's yours, you just do it.


BandNerd

[sage]

well said, Crimgoddess. I think a child costs like, $100,000 over your lifetime. I got some great therapy for less than the cost of a small economy car! It's sure worth it to work through treatment before having kids. I know that some moms on here say they do ok with sick kids, even though they freak out. I personally ran and hid whenever my kids felt a bit green....and my husband looked out for them (he would even come home from work if it happened in the day).


On the occasions when I was alone with one of them, I guess it's sort of like if you're about to be hit with a car - you would still save your kid no matter how terrified you are at the time. Some "mother" instinct kicked in, anyway, and I was able to deal with them. But if I had to do it over again (and they turned out ok regardless) I would get more treatment first, then have the kids!