Got to fix my life

[x hannah x]

I'm so angry at myself at the moment, I keep screwing everything up for myself and making life difficult for everyone around me. I blame the emet but that's not even what all of it's about, I feel like I'm using it as an excuse. I'm 16, I'm supposed to be going out and having fun occasionally right??? But whenever anyone says "We're going up to London/to a party/for a sleepover, want to come?" immediately I'm looking for excuses. I don't know why I want to make myself in to this reclusive loser woman but I just can't seem to make the effort and take a risk. I can handle meeting up if it's at my house or if it's me organising it but when it's someone else I don't have control and I can't handle it, I don't have fun I just worry.


I was looking through my friends MySpace's today and all their pictures are like "This is me on the ferry to France with my buddies" or "This is me at Jack's party, I think..." I want to do that stuff too, and I want to enjoy it.


Part of me thinks I should just start saying yes to things but I know that if I do go out and I see someone v* or something, I will just get knocked right back down again. I really can't take this, it's wrecking my relationships with people too. My friend had food poisoning for like 4 days and when she came in today, I was avoiding her! How did I think I could catch food poisoning?? Or did I think she would v* in front of me? SO WHAT??!! Part of my brain seems to know that but how am I going to convince the rest of it?


I don't want this any more, I'm going to Uni in a couple of years and I know once I get there it's going to be more parties and more things to do and I can either hear about them, or I can join in.


I need to get over this, I'm so frustrated that I know this phobia is crap and based on nothing real but I can't make it go!

[christianne]

Hi there!!

First of all, you are being way too hard on yourself. If you do force yourself to do something you are completely uncomfortable and nervous about you really wouldn't have that great of a time anyways. You'd probably be worrying the entire time and making yourself feel panicky and n*, and that's not fun. You are still very young, and you have plenty of time to go out and have fun, but I do agree with you when you say that you should be living your life NOW as well.
I'm not sure what you've tried to help you through this, but I'm at a point in my life that I am ready to try therapy again. I have tried it in the past, but (like you!) I need to do something. I do not want to be 75 years old and still be emetophobic!!! I think even though I've tried it before maybe the therapist just wasn't "right" for me, and I need to shop around until I find the one that can actually give me the tools I need to feel better. I would honestly take medication for the rest of my life if it mean't to be rid of this awful phobia. There seems to be alot of treatments and medications out there that help, and just because they didn't work for some doesn't mean they won't work for you.
I had emet too when I was your age, and I didn't go out either. But, I was kind of an outcast so that's probably why!! I think maybe you should check out the different treatments there are out there---I wish I had when I was younger then maybe I wouldn't be like I am today.
I hope this helps you somewhat! Take care.....

[x hannah x]

I've tried a few therapy type things. I had a therapist for a while and we just talked about it so I didn't find it useful, then I tried exposure therapy and we just looked at still photos which don't bother me much, then I gave hypnotism a try and I was just sitting there making up answers to the questions she was asking my "subconscious". So yeah I don't know whats left.

[x hannah x]

Just realised I don't know why this is in Q and A, sorry! I was reading someone elses post and just clicked on New Topic without looking where I was