People that lie for attention

[Melikasa]

I have come across people that lie for the attention whether it be negative, supportive, sympathetic etc.
I am just wondering if we are wise to play along and allow them that satisfaction or whether calling them on it and telling them its wrong is best.
It often reaches a point with me where I say this is impossible. This much can't happen to one person especially in such a short stretch of time. Like their life isa soap opera but because we keep eating it up and accepting it as a possibility the person or persons continue to thrive on our pity and reaction.

[babygap5]

I've met 2 compulsive liars in my life and believe me, it's a psychological disorder. One person's lies would have some truth to it, maybe slight imbelishments but the other's were pure fantasy. With one friend I basically called her on it and our friendship ended, but her lying didn't. With the other one, I just simply fed into it because this person was so fragile that had I called her on it, my fear was that she would hurt herself. Several years ago, her brother had sort of an intervention because her lies were affecting everyone in the family and had circled to include people at work so jobs were at stake. She agreed she needed help and has been under the care of a therapist ever since. She did apologize to me for all the lies she told in the past and thanked me for just letting her do it and not judging her.


I'm not sure what advice to tell you, but if the person has real psychological issues, calling them on it will most likely not stop the behavior and could make it worse. If it bothers you that much, I would try to distance myself from this person a little at a time.

[mitch04133]

I dated a guy that was a compulsive liar. Everything he did, he lied about. Even when I would catch him in the lie he still denied it. The worst was one day when I made him a lunch for work, when he came home I asked him how lunch was, he said it was really good and thanked me. Well, I went his car to get something, and I saw the lunch sitting on the seat. I brought it inside and said I thought you said the lunch was good, he just looked at me I asked him why he lied and he tried to deny it. He would lie about everything, even eating. I finally had enough and left him. I'm not sure if he did this to get attention or what, but it became a way of life for him. To this day, if I run in to him or talk to him, he still denies things from the past, and he still lies about things that are going on now. We still have mutal friends, and that is where I find out the real truth. Sad.....

[rubysoho120]

I had a friend like babygap5 who was jut so fragile, that she had to
live in a fantasy or she wouldnt be alive...i dont know where she is
now, and she was my best friend, but she pushed me away. My ex was a
really bad liar, he lied about everything, including cheating on me,
since we were together till the day i dumped him. i would say distance
is the only thing that will change it, because then you wont be around
it

[christianne]

With the other one, I just simply fed into it because this person was so fragile that had I called her on it, my fear was that she would hurt herself.* Several years ago, her brother had sort of an intervention because her lies were affecting everyone in the family and had circled to include people at work so jobs were at stake.* She agreed she needed help and has been under the care of a therapist ever since.

My own twin sister was like this, and like babygap5 my entire family just let her go on like that until it got so out of control we insisted she get help (which she is doing). I too was afraid she would hurt herself, and I didn't want her to think she had no one by her side, so even though I didn't believe I let her think I did. She lied about everything---but the biggest issue was the huge lies. She told the family she had uterine cancer, and a few months before she said she had breast cancer (she never had either). A few times she told us she was filming movies with Vince Vaughn in Chicago, or that she was modeling in New York and Italy, or that she had people "after" her and she had been beaten up several times by stalkers (she thinks she's God's gift to men) and held hostage at gunpoint. She has said many times she had been raped "because men can't control themselves" around her (no joking matter, but it never happened). We know now that my sister felt so poorly about herself she felt she had to make her life sound better.EVERYTHING in her life she lied about, even the little things. She seems to be getting somewhat better with treatment, but she still is extremely conceited and talks constantly about how men "mob her when she goes out". I still think this has to do with the poor self esteem she has, but hopefully with treatment that will get better and stronger as well.
I do wish we had called her on this earlier--she made quite a mess of things with her stories and lies, and sometimes she got us involved with it. I think the reason her lies got so incredibly crazy is because we all accepted them and let her think we believed her.
So, I think depending on the person you should call them on it, otherwise it can spiral out of control.

[glitta_fairy]

I had a friend that lied all the time just to get pity from everyone... I've gotta admit it took me awhile to see through her but when I did I hated her for making me worry about her- when nothing bad was happening! She said her next door neighbour raped her, her dad bashed her, she was bulimic and all this other crap basically so that people would be friends with her out of pity. And she tried to manipulate alot my friends into believing horrible things about each other so they would focus on her and discontinue their other friendships. Personally I wouldn't want that to be the reason people spent time with me- but I think she had ISSUES. Now I just feel sorry for her- you'd have to have really low self esteem to have to do that.


I think confrontationisthe way to go in these situations (but I think that in most situations lol), as giving thema sympathetic reaction is just feedingtheir problem. Plus, why put up with it?! Either call them on it or ignore them altogether... I'm probably biased but they can really screw you around! Just make sure you have some kind of evidence first- just in case they genuinely are having a rough time. The girl I was talking about gave it away mostly in how she forgot what lie she'd told to who, and constantly changed her story... [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]


Tell us the situation and we can brainstorm ideas![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]lol


Kayla

[metallikat87]

I had a friend who was a compulsive liar, and a BAD one at that. For one...she told me she had a brother...when her mother had told me flat out she was an only child. Two, she said she had bought me a car for Christmas, but her (non-existant) brother took it out the night before she was supposed to give it to me and totaled it. It just kept getting worse. She told me she had a pink Cadillac in her backyard, when in reality she had a black Ford Escort. She was also a complete slut and while she told everyone that she was so faithful to this one guy, I've caught her on numerous occasions in school making out with different guys. A week before she graduated high school she ran away from home, and nobody's seen her since. I did hear that someone saw her outside of a hotel in the city, with a pregnant belly, so we're thinking that's why she ran away. Other than her horrible lying, she was a really good friend. I don't know why people think they have to lie to get people to like them.

[katsamsmom]

i have a sister like that....but when she started telling people that i was bi-polar....dad was on chemo....she was getting tested for aid....my mom was depressed....her ex was a cross dresser, her ex had a sex change...and that she is a widow....i freakin called her on it!!!

[kristin1980]

hmm i dunno i have kind of bad luck myself, even people at work tell me all the time "only you kristin, only you" and its always been that way for me. I cant really help it but i am surely not lying about it, I have been accused of this before and its kind of dissapointing and makes me not trust people with my feelings and with what is going on in my life.


But yes i have had a freind that was a compulsive liar, her mom "died", her sister was "raped" and her aunt found out she had "cancer" all in 3 days so she could miss a week of work to go to california.. so yah. i do know these people. I am to scared to lie about stuff like this cuz then i think for some dumb reason that is going to happen..

[crimgoddess]

I just call them on it, and then extract them from my life. I really don't have the time or patience for people who lie to make their lives all the more important/dramatic/tragic/etc.


*shrug* But I'm also a bit of a bitch. And most of my friends are guys, and this seems to be mostly a female phenomena; if anything, most guys lie about the bad things so they won't have to talk about it.


*amber*

[daffodil]

My ex lied about a bunch of things. After we had been dating for a few months, he fessed up that he had been lying about stuff to make him look good, or make people feel sorry for him. I was stupid and stayed with him. He continued to lie about stupid things, most of which were totally trivial, and wouldn't have mattered to me one way or the other. I stayed with this guy for 5 years. Ugh. I never completely trusted anything he said, and this lack of trust, among other things, ruined the relationship. If he had told me the sky was blue, I would have to go outside and see for myself.
I always justified his lying to myself by the fact that he had had a hard life, but how much of the stuff he told me was true? I'm not sure even he knows the truth anymore.

[glitta_fairy]

I think on some level they do convince themselves it's true...


Daffodil I understand what you mean about guys who lie... and why do it about trivial things? It's so pointless. As soon as I met my boyfriend I was like- I don't care if you think you're boring or don't like who you are- be real with me and I'll accept you. A guy I went out with years ago lied about EVERYTHING! He was always on edge because he had to watch everything he said- it must have been exhausting. Now there's no way I'd put up with it- I find it really insulting to my values and intelligence. ARGH! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]it makes me mad lol

[confusedgirl]

my ex lied about so many things... it was really frustrating and stupid. And he never admitted it... the few times I would call him on it (I didn't do it too much, because he was also one of those "fragile" people who would get all upset..) he would deny it - even when it was obvious that he was lying. It really is insulting to the intelligence :/ it was so stupid. I appreciate honesty a lot more now.

[loveable101]

funny you mention this...i happen to have a few people in my life that happen to be just like this and i cant stand it!! i have learned just to ignore it!! not to mention some people on this site..(no names mentioned) but some people just think they know it all in front of people and behind the scenes they are just as scared and confused as the rest of us..i dont think it is necessary to lie to everyone!! i think it is ok for people to admit they have a fear and dont know what to do, rather than them be giving advice to other people when they should really be listening to the advice themselves!!Edited by: loveable101

[Melikasa]

Well I am glad to see that I am not the only one that sees this, but saddened to know that so many people are doing it. I do agree with Lidia that they should not be giving advice until they learn to take it as well.
I also agree with you that the trivial and very fragile should be handled with care in situaions like this. I guess its all in how you react. Listening but not overreacting and going overboard with the believing what they are saying. I guess is just another one of those mental things like our emet that needs some special handling. Of course I am sure there are some that have grown up and gotten away with lying from the first lie to their parents about something they saw or something they had and rather than the parents calling them on it or correcting them they encouraged it, thought it was cute or maybe because they DIDN't pay attention and the child felt they had to go overboard to get that attention and it just carried over to adulthood.
Something I wouldn't mind looking into more now that I see how often it seems to occur.