Need your thoughts and prayers

[tink]

Oh my.. Im sorry I pissed you off, it wasnt my intention. I just wanted to share my experience in case it wasnt something you thought of. I really do hope it works out well for you.

I wasnt judging you for your age, hun. I was just remembering how I was when I was in my early 20's. Looks like you have your act together way more than I did!

BTW, I lived in Concord for a few years, and it wasnt that bad. Just my opinion. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

--Kim

[glitta_fairy]

Kim, you shouldn't have to apologise. Ruby, if you start a post you have to be ready to hear people's opinions. No-one is judging you, or disrespecting you- they are trying to help you! Andcaring for you! I know I think you will definitely be successful in taking care of Daniel. But like everyone else I hoped you'd thought of the possible negative outcomes- which from what you've said, you have. So there's no reason to dismiss people who are trying to look out for you... Whether you need the help or not, it's coming with the best intentions.

[rubysoho120]

He goes to school with gang members, and gets called "whiteboy" he
knows its not safe. He and his friends have been jumped numerous time,
even at school.



That is fine for people to tell me their opinions, I never said they
couldn't Im just disagreeing with them, and stating mine. I can dismiss
anyone I want to, its a free world, and if I dont agree with their
opinion I will say so, and I did. But if they keep inflicting their
opinions on me, I will rebel, because I don't agree with them, and i
don't want them pushing ideas on me.

[mee55]

wow!! I just want to wish you luck with everything. I am going to pray for you and you are in my thoughts. It really doesnt matter how I feel about the subject with prayers I believe god will guide you to the best decision. good luck!

[rubysoho120]

Thanks Mee55. I agree.

[tink]

Well, OK then. Good luck!

--Kim

[rubysoho120]

Im so freaking frusterated, his stupid step mom wont even let us talk
to him....its time to call his mom. I need to know whats going on. poor
guy. grr

[pianolover]

Ruby, that is so kind and I'm so happy that you are willing to do that! Just pray, you know people will be pessimistic sometimes but it's sometimes because they have no trust in God. He takes care of those who serve Him! I'll be praying for you and this is really an awesome act on your part, to be willing to do this. I hope everything works out.

[californiagirl]

Ruby, that is so kind and I'm so happy that you are willing to do that! Just pray, you know people will be pessimistic sometimes but it's sometimes because they have no trust in God. He takes care of those who serve Him! I'll be praying for you and this is really an awesome act on your part, to be willing to do this. I hope everything works out.

WHOA!! Now I'm upset. How dare you say this??!!? How dare you say that we have no faith in God?? That statement is way out of line, and I resent it. We were trying to help her not get into a bad situation. TRYING TO HELP. Obviously it isn't appreciated, so I'm done trying to help. BUT, your statement, like I said is totally out of line. DO NOT doubt my or anyone else's belief in God. Ever! If you have anything else demeaning to say to me, PM me, but do not publicly assume my lack of belief in God.


I am really surprised that this is coming from you, since you always seem so nice.Edited by: californiagirl

[pianolover]

I will PM you, Californiagirl. I'm so sorry if that came across wrong.

[californiagirl]

OK---I'll hear what you have to say. Yeh, it did come out wrong.

[pianolover]

Actually, I decided to post this here just in case I offended anyone else by my post too.


I'm so sorry my post made you so upset, californiagirl (and anyone else too). I was trying to be supportive of ruby because I really admire the kindness and the self-sacrifice she is displaying by wanting to do this for someone.


Faith and belief are the words you used to paraphrase me - but I just want you to notice that the word I used was "trust". I don't believe that "trust in" is the same as "believe/have faith in". I know I have trouble trusting God sometimes even though I believe in Him, and I know others do too. I absolutely was not trying to assume that you or anyone else believes or does not believe in God. I hope that cleared things up! Please PM me if you are still hurt or anything.

[californiagirl]

Well, trust is pretty much belief. When you trust in someonesomething, you believe in it too.


I'm actually offended becausewe're trying to help Ruby. We're not being pessimistic, we're being REALISTIC. Case in point: She is ALREADY having problem with his family!!! Specifically Daniel's stepmother. Does anyone REALLY think the parents are just gonna hand over a minor child like this? There is already a small problem, and I just don't see this as a good thing. Tink, Babygap and I are not being understood here, so I won't help anymore. Having trust in God is one thing, but crappy people are another, and she will deal with crappy people in this situation, I ALMOST guarantee it. It's already happening.


Saying I don't have trust in God is like telling me I don't love my Mom, because I am alive today and have weathered MANY storms, but always made it through because of my love,, belief and trust of my Mom and God.


Oh, and another thing: I do believe in God and TRUST in God, but that sure didn't stop people from s**tting on me!, so it's irrelevant.Edited by: californiagirl

[pianolover]

i would agree that to trust in is to believe, but not that to believe in is to trust. Say Hitler was still alive. I would believe he exists, but I certainly wouldn't trust him.


I know you are trying to help Ruby and that's very caring. But I thought the post had gone a bit far into the potential problems of her idea, so I just wanted to throw in some support. No offence intended - and if you insist on continuing to misunderstand me, I can't do much about it. But I do apologize again because I realize the tone of my post wasn't friendly. I didn't mean to bash those who had written before, and to be honest I didn't read all the posts before I posted. So I was in no way trying to insinuate anything. Sorry if you misunderstood me. I can't think of anything else to say to explain or apologize.

[californiagirl]

i would agree that to trust in is to believe, but not that to believe in is to trust. Say Hitler was still alive. I would believe he exists, but I certainly wouldn't trust him.


I know you are trying to help Ruby and that's very caring. But I thought the post had gone a bit far into the potential problems of her idea, so I just wanted to throw in some support. No offence intended - and if you insist on continuing to misunderstand me, I can't do much about it. But I do apologize again because I realize the tone of my post wasn't friendly. I didn't mean to bash those who had written before, and to be honest I didn't read all the posts before I posted. So I was in no way trying to insinuate anything. Sorry if you misunderstood me. I can't think of anything else to say to explain or apologize.

I accept your apology, it hurt, that's all, and I never have expected that harshness from you.


I think the thread got out of hand because things were brought up that took the innocence away from the plan Ruby had. But, like it or not, the law is out there and we need to protect ourselves against potential hazards. sometimes I wish I wasn't in the legal field, because it makes me a little cynical. I always see the impossible as possible if you want it and try hard enough, but stuff that we learn in this field really slaps us in the face with harsh realities. We do have good intentions, and I will stick by Tink and babygap in this one.

[glitta_fairy]

That is fine for people to tell me their opinions, I never said they couldn't Im just disagreeing with them, and stating mine. I can dismiss anyone I want to, its a free world, and if I dont agree with their opinion I will say so, and I did. But if they keep inflicting their opinions on me, I will rebel, because I don't agree with them, and i don't want them pushing ideas on me.

Ruby you stated earlier in this post that often you felt like people on this site weren't supporting you, or showing the love you show them... That's exactly what everyone has been doing- and they've beenreally patient with you.You said you can"dismiss anyone you want to"... why would people want to help you next time after trying to help this time, and just having a rude message in return? That is a really defiant thing to say. You have stated many times throughout this post that you never asked for opinions, just for support- so you clearly weren't ready to take anything anyone had to say on board.


I don't think it's right for anyone to push their opinion on you- the point of what I'm saying is that while everyone will pray for you and support you through this, they were being loving in pointing out possible problems. If you disagreed with them, that's fine. There is no need to 'rebel.'


Everyone here supports you. Everything with Daniel will most likely be great when he moves in. But can't you see that if people have had bad experiences in a similar situation, they may want to warn you of the possibilities? It's not being negative either- it's simply playing devil's advocate- and sometimes people need that. I'm not trying to be rude to you-believe me. But I feel for Babygap, Californiagirl and Tink, as they did not deserve the responses you gave.

[glitta_fairy]

Also, I just wanted to say- I think it is a really kind thing you're doing, and it's a shame this post has taken the focus away from that. I think it's really beautiful that are so willing to welcome this boy into your home. [img]smileys/smilies_39.gif[/img]Your heart is definitely in the right place.


I do not want to offend you in any way... I just want you to realise that you have been dissmissive in some of your responses, and that it is unfair to those who were supporting you.

[grelvia]

Well, trust is pretty much belief. When you trust in someonesomething, you believe in it too.


I'm actually offended becausewe're trying to help Ruby. We're not being pessimistic, we're being REALISTIC. Case in point: She is ALREADY having problem with his family!!! Specifically Daniel's stepmother. Does anyone REALLY think the parents are just gonna hand over a minor child like this? There is already a small problem, and I just don't see this as a good thing. Tink, Babygap and I are not being understood here, so I won't help anymore. Having trust in God is one thing, but crappy people are another, and she will deal with crappy people in this situation, I ALMOST guarantee it. It's already happening.


Saying I don't have trust in God is like telling me I don't love my Mom, because I am alive today and have weathered MANY storms, but always made it through because of my love,, belief and trust of my Mom and God.


Oh, and another thing: I do believe in God and TRUST in God, but that sure didn't stop people from s**tting on me!, so it's irrelevant.

***Please, no offense to anyone*** I think that the reason you, Tink, and Babygap are not understood is because not everyone has experienced something like this. I know exactly where you guys are coming from and it's all in good faith. I thinkall of you are great for giving advice[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]


I really hope that it all works out for you Ruby but there are always those possiblitlities that it could come back and bite you in the a**. It really hurts that someone who trusts you and you trust could betray you over something so stupid. I had mycousin (family!!someone that I love dearly and loved me too)living with me when she was going through rough times at home and now she hardly talks to me. This was 2 years ago. Her parents were never the same with me either, there is soo much tension between us. Mind you they all agreed that it was better for her to live with us for a while and it never worked out. I had sooo much faith that everything was going to be great and understanding between her my husband and I. I would have never agreed to it if I would have known it would sabotage our close relationship as family. Also my husband and I were always arguing when we didn't agree with something she would do. Well forget about what I'm saying, I really just hope that you will get through this with ease and your boyfriend and you could stay strong. Good luck and feel free to ask any questions. I'm young too and I had a lot of people giving me advice that I just did not want to hear it only because I thought I could be the strong adult that knew everything. Trust me they just want to help...we all just want to help. Good luck![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[californiagirl]

That is fine for people to tell me their opinions, I never said they couldn't Im just disagreeing with them, and stating mine. I can dismiss anyone I want to, its a free world, and if I dont agree with their opinion I will say so, and I did. But if they keep inflicting their opinions on me, I will rebel, because I don't agree with them, and i don't want them pushing ideas on me.

Ruby you stated earlier in this post that often you felt like people on this site weren't supporting you, or showing the love you show them... That's exactly what everyone has been doing- and they've beenreally patient with you.You said you can"dismiss anyone you want to"... why would people want to help you next time after trying to help this time, and just having a rude message in return? That is a really defiant thing to say. You have stated many times throughout this post that you never asked for opinions, just for support- so you clearly weren't ready to take anything anyone had to say on board.


I don't think it's right for anyone to push their opinion on you- the point of what I'm saying is that while everyone will pray for you and support you through this, they were being loving in pointing out possible problems. If you disagreed with them, that's fine. There is no need to 'rebel.'


Everyone here supports you. Everything with Daniel will most likely be great when he moves in. But can't you see that if people have had bad experiences in a similar situation, they may want to warn you of the possibilities? It's not being negative either- it's simply playing devil's advocate- and sometimes people need that. I'm not trying to be rude to you-believe me. But I feel for Babygap, Californiagirl and Tink, as they did not deserve the responses you gave.

Well, I sure feel like an idiot, and a little hurt by her "dismissing" whoever she wants.


As for help and advice--count me out.

[californiagirl]

ELVIA~~~~


Thanks for your support hun!![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[rubysoho120]

Hey haters guess what...Daniel is here, and Im not being sued. Hahaha

[californiagirl]

Hey haters guess what...Daniel is here, and Im not being sued. Hahaha

Oh my gosh~~~WHY are you calling us haters?? We were trying to HELP you! Is this honestly the thanks we get?

[tink]

Whoa, you sure are mean for someone who said they are so full of love. Good luck!

[californiagirl]

Whoa, you sure are mean for someone who said they are so full of love. Good luck!

I second that!

[pianolover]

Keep us updated ruby! hope it goes well.

[sage]

Well, someone pm'd me and asked that I look at this thread (thanks - I normally wouldn't have). After careful consideration, I've decided not to lock it (YET). This sort of emotional reactivity happens on here from time to time. I wonder what we can learn from it. I remember a few years back, I got into it with some folks here too. It was a mistake. Now that I've had a couple of hundred hours of therapy, I feel like I've got a good jump on handling this stuff a little better. Here's what I learned - take it for what it's worth:


1) people on here are more sensitive and emotionally reactive than most. That's because of the anxiety disorder itself...we fear rejection, and this fear is at the heart of all anxiety disorders anyway. It's a piece of it, at least. So the two go hand in hand. I try to remember that, but at times I still get zinged by someone because I've forgotten how sensitive they are and how they may take my words. I used to be sensitive, but now I'm just not....the change came with the phobia treatment.


2) if someone gives you an opinion you don't agree with, STOP yourself from reacting emotionally, suck it up, grit your teeth, and write this: "thank you for your opinion. Iwill consider it thoughtfully".


3) It helps if you really do consider it thoughtfully as well. There's no need to react emotionally to someone's opinion, even if you don't agree with it. I have found in my old age, and as an educator and scholar, that if someone gives you advice, no matter what it is, it's worth considering...really thinking it through. Thinking carefully is physiologically impossible when the brain is emotionally reacting, however.


4) If someone on here freaks out and starts throwing around words in anger, outrage, or being rude, remember this: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. You are not responsible for the emotional reaction of others. An emotional reaction is 100% the issue, problem and responsibilty of the person doing the reacting. As I said, not everyone in this world is sensitive. For instance, someone on here could call me a stupid b**ch, and it wouldn't even phase me. I'd probably just laugh inside, actually...or else I'd feel sorry for the person who got so emotional. No matter what you have said or done, if someone REACTS to it, that's their thing - not yours.


Ruby...there are risks to what you are doing - the people who advised you of them are not wrong, even if it works out ok. My husband is a litigation attorney, and almost all of his cases involve good friends and family members, and the law suit was a COMPLETE shock to the people involved.Nevertheless,all peopleare willing to "assume the risk" for a lot of things in this world. We can't write up legal agreements for everything. Hell, I'm always throwing caution to the wind and downloading stuff from the internet. (It drives my husband crazy and we have to have separate computers - lol) Good luck to you and your boyfriend - I hope you can make a difference in this boy's life. Take care.

[rubysoho120]

First off the last post, was from Daniel. He was pissed because of the
way people were talking to me. So it was not me, so don't start getting
mad at me, for something I didn't do. He wanted to look at the post
because I told him about it, and how people were telling me it was a
bad idea, and he disagreed, and wanted to read them.

[hippychick]

Hey Good advice from Sage there, I'm going to be in touch with John and ask for this post to be closed. I don't see that it has anywhere else to go. Ruby you posted something that left you open to opinion, just because you did not agree with that opinion does not give you the right to react that way. Daniel is now in your care so if he posts something negatively on here under your name then it reflects back on you.

I don't think then is anything further to be said on this.

[happyteacher]

Hey Good advice from Sage there, I'm going to be in touch with John and ask for this post to be closed. I don't see that it has anywhere else to go. Ruby you posted something that left you open to opinion, just because you did not agree with that opinion does not give you the right to react that way. Daniel is now in your care so if he posts something negatively on here under your name then it reflects back on you.

I don't think then is anything further to be said on this.

I agree completely.