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  1. #1
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    Hey Moms,


    I was thinking a few days ago about when I was a teenage emet, how I thought I never, ever wanted kids--mainly b/c of emet. I feared kids in general--not only b/c of how unpredictable they were, and their illnesses, but because of their overall energy and zest for life. I feared I would never be able to handle that much energy. Depression and fear mostly prevented me from seeing how children could impact your view of the world and your own life.


    After becoming an aunt almost 4 years ago, I began to appreciate children. Suddenly, they weren'tlittle peopleto fear, but someone to admire! My niece, Bailey,became whom I affectionately refer to as "my own little Prozac." She changed my life! No matter what kind of mood I was in, she always made me feel better. I enjoy her zest and energy--her curiosity and spunk. I even envy it!


    When you were a teen, until now, how has your view on motherhood changed? Were you once insistant that you would NEVER have children? Did your "biological clock" start ticking? Did you just meet "The One" and marry him, and knew you wantedto be the mother of his children? What changed?


    What brought you to the point that, no matter what, you wanted to be a mother at any cost? Emet or not, you needed to be a mother? Is it instinct (biological clock)? A sudden change in attitude toward children?


    I have just been thinking about my life in general lately, and pondering why I went from "hating" children as a teen, to desiring them in my late 20s......


    Just wondering how you all felt. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

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  2. #2
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    I have always had emet. I have always wanted to be a mom. There was never a question in my mind. I am so glad I had kids! They are my life. Ihad just turned 22 when I had my first and then I had just turned 25 when I had my second. Now I am 32 and I really feel my biological clock ticking. I think it is time for another one. Anyway now that I went on and on believe me having children is so worth it and yeah my emet gets really bad in the winter months when they are in school but I would not change it for the world!!!

  3. #3
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    Hi there!!

    When I was in my mid to late teens I always said that I hated kids. I couldn't stand them. I never babysat when I was younger because I just didn't like children. Not only because of illnesses but they just irritated me! I said I would never, EVER have them, and I kept on thinking that until I found out I was pregnant when I was 21. For some reason I really wanted my baby, and became so attached to him even when I was only a couple months along. My baby's father was one of the biggest jerks on the planet (and he still is almost 10 years later!) and I had very little money but somehow I made it work. And I am so glad I did!! My son is now 9 and the most beautiful, amazing thing in my life. I really don't know what I'd do or who I'd be without him!

    It's been tough sometimes being an emet mom, but it's completely worth it. Honestly there are still children I really can't warm up to (namely my stepsister's Devil's Spawn), but to think of how I was towards kids in my teens to how I am now it's a complete turnaround.


  4. #4
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    I never wanted kids when I was a teenager, because of my emet. As I got older this desire to be a mom kicked in full force. My best friend was gay, and we talked about it for almost a year. We decided to try around Thanksgiving of 1998. I tracked my cycle and one day said "it's time". It worked the first try. I was terrified after the doc confirmed. A few months in I began to question my decision...will I be good at it, how canI bring a child into this chaotic world, etc. The day I was to give birth, I locked myself in the bathroom at the hospital~determined not to have the baby, lol. Of course, that wasn't gonna work. As soon as I saw my beautiful baby girl, I knew I had made the right choice. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up around her 1st birthday...she never really wanted kids. When Annie was 3, I met my current partner. She had just had a son a few months earlier. I love him...although the emet isway more trying with him. He's one of those kids that just v* randomly. Our daughter doesn't...she's only done it maybe3 times in 7 years. Our son is close to hitting the 100 mark-yes, you read that right. Terrifying, but I don't love him any less because of it. I have wondered if it is due to the method of conception...Annie was natural, Avery was done by artificial insemination, or possibly nothing more than different genes. My girl and I plan on having another baby in 5 years(which she is gonna carry, but we're using my egg), so we'll see.


    Kids are worth all the fear they bring with them. Mine keep me focused on the good life. I have toface responsibility head on. Every time they smile, I realize that there is something more to life than emet.
    Be Here Now

  5. #5
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    In my teens and early twenties I did NOT want kids. Then I decided if I was gonna have them, I would adopt. Then, after I got married, I started getting baby fever. We were not very careful with our contraception-not trying, but not NOT trying- and ended up having my first at 25. Then we had our second a little over two years later.
    I love my kids so much. My first is a real handful, very hyperactive and inquisitive. She is a lot of work, but soo much fun! My second is a little more easy-going. She is the one that always has a smile for us!
    I'm not gonna lie, my emet has skyrocketed since having the kids, but they are very much worth it, and the way I see it, having them is forcing me to deal with my issues.

  6. #6
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    I never said I didn't want kids, but I wasn't sure how I would handle it. I was scared of pregnancy and scared of kids getting sick. I don't really know what happened. I guess part of what made me more comfortable was my experience with my husband's little brother. He was born when I was 20, and I think it helped me to learn how to deal with my fears and realize how great kids are. THen I think I wanted my own when my husband and I got to the point in our relationship where we just felt like something was missing, like we wanted to experience the next step. I was still a little apprehensive, but my desire to have kids outweighed my fear at the point. I don't think it was an overnight thing for me. I just gradually changed my views more and more.


    What shocks me more is that I used to think I couldn't handle a kid of my own and right now I am in the process of getting licensed ot do home daycare! I never in a million years would have thought I could handle that, but because I love my daughter so much and want to stay home with her, I am willing to do anything to be able to.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by sillygirl




    What shocks me more is that I used to think I couldn't handle a kid of my own and right now I am in the process of getting licensed ot do home daycare!* I never in a million years would have thought I could handle that, but because I love my daughter so much and want to stay home with her, I am willing to do anything to be able to.
    I know what you mean. Having kids changes you so much.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

  8. #8
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    Im 24 right now, and Im starting to get scared that I'll never want kids. I have the whole motherly, nuturing attitude, but I dont know If I ever want kids. Not because of emet, but because I just feel like when you have a kid, he or she becomes your entire world and I dont want to give up everything else for that at this point.


    I have some friends who have kids and thats all they talk about. They dont talk about their jobs, or they're love life, or what they did over the weekend, ous coversations always revolve around " oh, look. the baby burped." or " oh look, he just farted, isnt that cute?"... I love them to death, but I dont want my whole life to revolve around a baby. Maybe I will one day, and I hope so. I think right now, Im basically too selfish to think of anyone else but me at this time in my life.


    is that horrible? god, I feel like such a bad person!!
    ~*Jill*~ Teacher, Advanced BSc in Psychology

    "You can unlock any door as long as you have the right key". Mrs. Brisby, Secret of Nimh

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babydoll

    I have some friends who have kids and thats all they talk about. They dont talk about their jobs, or they're love life, or what they did over the weekend, ous coversations always revolve around " oh, look. the baby burped." or " oh look, he just farted, isnt that cute?"... I love them to death, but I dont want my whole life to revolve around a baby. Maybe I will one day, and I hope so. I think right now, Im basically too selfish to think of anyone else but me at this time in my life.


    is that horrible? god, I feel like such a bad person!!
    Goodness, no! You are not a bad person!! In fact, what you are saying is a very responsible, UN-selfish thing! Babies and children are a HUGE responsibility, and some (not the majority!) jump into it thinking it's all going to be fun and games and dressing them up in cute outfits. For the most part, it is. Kids are amazing and wonderful. But it's way, way more than that. Way more. Good for you for being responsible and honest and knowing exactly what you want!!

    By the way, I cannot stand people that constantly talk about their kids---okay, in all honesty I do talk about my son, but not all the time and not every little detail. I have friends like that, and even if we're out at a bar they monopolize the conversation and give me a minute by minute account of what their kids did and said that day. And I can't forget the pictures!! I also dated a guy like that years ago--he actually brought up something cute his son said when we were "busy"! Talk about killing a moment....eewww.

  10. #10
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    thank you so much! I feel much better


    I think anyone who has kids before they turn 20 deserve an award, lol.
    ~*Jill*~ Teacher, Advanced BSc in Psychology

    "You can unlock any door as long as you have the right key". Mrs. Brisby, Secret of Nimh

  11. #11
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    I'm afraid to try dating, get married, or have kids cuz my emet. and I don't think I even have it as bad as some of the people on here. It sucks cuz I'm a total hopeless romantic and I love kids, but just teaching swimming lessons this summer as a second job was trying enough with every little belly ache or v* episode (always my kids too, i know this cuz they shut down the pool, it was only mine...nice luck huh).

  12. #12
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    Ok , I am one of those people that whose life revolves around their kids. Sorry- that's just me.
    I don't think that there was ever a time that I didn't want kids. I've had emet since I was about 10, but never felt that I didn't want to be a mom.
    I actually worked in DAY CARE right before I got pregnant in 2002, and I babysat kids all the time. I like kids, but I'll avoid them like the plague when they're p*.
    Of course till I had my own. Then it's unavoidable.
    I was scared to get pregnant and have kids cause of my emet. But then I got pregnant "accidently" when I was 21. I was soooo scared of morning sickness. But I got through it fine, a lot of panicky moments but I found ways to control the nausea. My husband was a big help too in keeping me grounded when I thought I was gonna lose it.
    Then I had my baby boy, and my emet just got pushed to the side. That was not who I was anymore. But then, when my son was about 15 months he got sick. I had dreaded that moment. But the Mommy in me kicked in and I helped him through it. It was the first time he was really sick and I felt so bad for him .
    I prepared to be sick as well and nothing happened. I thought that maybe this was not going to be bad after all.
    Then I had another baby and things in my emet world started to get worse. I had 2 babies and they were only 20 months apart, and since I had my daughter I have had to deal with sv lots of times. I flip out everytime, get the panic attacks, everything. I still have my emet, but I don't let it ruin everyday with my kids. I love being a mom, and I just cannot imagine letting my emet getting in the way of having a family. I think I even want one more!

  13. #13
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    Man, you asked the right question! Ask a parent about their kids & they'll chat all night. So, here I go . . .


    I always wanted kids, not that I loved kids, but it was just "my plan". I was going to have all by the time I was 25. I would put them in daycare & I would climb the corporate latter.


    Well, I met my husband at college. Corney as it is, it was love at first site. Actually, it's a lot of hard work & we both work at staying happy. When, I finally talked him into starting a family, we had been married for 5 years. Nothing happened so finally we went to a fertility clinic. It took a long time even with that. So, at 29 I had my daughter. Then, at 33 I found out that I was 12 weeks pregnant.


    There really isn't anything like having children. Being an emet, it is best to find someone who can deal with that. Maybe, make a deal that he can't refuse such as, you'll put away laundry if he will deal with the sick kids. And, every basket you put away will be SO worth it.


    You will need support no matter what. But, it is vital that the kids have someone to take care of them always.


    BTW . . . I've been a stay at home mom for 10 years - and don't regret that at all! And, two is enough. Thanks for asking!


    - Susan
    When you come to the edge of all the light you have known & are about to step out into the darkness, FAITH is knowing there will be something for you to stand on or you will be taught to fly. -Unknown

  14. #14
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    For as long as I can remember I've always wanted kids and tons of them. I've always had emet too, but that never really factored into it for me. I just figured we'd deal with it when those times came. Since then I've had three children and I'm pregnant with our fourth. My second pregnancy did trigger something and my emet got worse than it's ever been in my life. I was seriously a recluse. It was a really hard time in my life. Now I'm better. Don't get me wrong. I still struggle with this dang phobia alot, but I wouldn't give my kids up for anything in the world, not even a cure for emet. Sometimes I do worry that I'm shortchanging them because of this fear. God,I hope I'm not.Edited by: sherbear

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Babydoll


    Im 24 right now, and Im starting to get scared that I'll never want kids. I have the whole motherly, nuturing attitude, but I dont know If I ever want kids. Not because of emet, but because I just feel like when you have a kid, he or she becomes your entire world and I dont want to give up everything else for that at this point.


    I have some friends who have kids and thats all they talk about. They dont talk about their jobs, or they're love life, or what they did over the weekend, ous coversations always revolve around " oh, look. the baby burped." or " oh look, he just farted, isnt that cute?"... I love them to death, but I dont want my whole life to revolve around a baby. Maybe I will one day, and I hope so. I think right now, Im basically too selfish to think of anyone else but me at this time in my life.


    is that horrible? god, I feel like such a bad person!!


    Man, I SO hear you.


    I am 25, and my partner and I set our wedding date as the first weekend of August, 2008. He actually wants kids now, but I want to wait until we are at least married, and I am working so I will be able to take paid mat. leave (I am in grad school now).


    I DO want kids......but have also seen some of my friends who were formerly chill, interesting people turn into picture-wielding-bigarse-stroller-heaving-baby-talking-freak s. This is not to say that EVERY woman who has children ends up as a strange stepford-like individual who is incapable of having a conversation not about their children- but damn, it can be frustrating whenone of your friends turn into one! And then you start toinevitablywonder "holy crap, will that be me one day?". I am seriously worried that when I eventually pop out a kid, I will be incapable of saying a complete sentence that does not include the words "diaper", "breastfeeding", and "oh, isn't that cute?".


    I am also worried about being able to balance work, my relationship, and being a parent. I really don't have any desire to be a stay at home parent (although kudos to anyone who makes that decision- I only have respect for what you do because believe me, I know it ain't easy)- but I also worry about the kid feeling abandoned. It's weird, because my boyfriend and Iare the complete opposite of what one would expect in terms of gendered parent roles. He is definitely the more nurturing one, and I think that he will be more suited to taking care of a child than I am- he is a nurse and used to work in pediatrics, and when you see him with a baby it just looks natural.


    I am great with older children, but have very little patience/interest in babies.....too bad you can't put them in a pod until they are potty trained. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


    *amber*Edited by: crimgoddess

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  16. #16
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    Amber, I do better with little, tiny, babies, soo.. we can ship our kids around to each other at different points. Id rather deal with them when they can't walk and terrorize the dog, and break everything in sight.


    I'll do the first shift, you do the second, haha. omg. I'm going to hell, I know it.
    ~*Jill*~ Teacher, Advanced BSc in Psychology

    "You can unlock any door as long as you have the right key". Mrs. Brisby, Secret of Nimh

  17. #17
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    Thank you for all the opinions and advice. I want kids very badly, but can't understand why or how I'm going to handle it. But thanks to this site, I know I will. I have no doubt in my mind, that when the time comes, I will deal with it and get on. I even feel fairly confident that I won't catch their bugs either, because I am very clean and know I will bleach the heck out of my house when it happens. I just want so badly to care for, love, nuture, help grow, etc. a baby or two.


    My husband is finally starting to feel the same way, but he wants me to work another year or so before trying. He's really scared about finances, and I don't blame him.


    I guess it just helps to hear that what I'm feeling is normal. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

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  18. #18
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    I haven't read all the replies, but this is just my experience...


    I've pretty much been emet all my life, with the severity fluctuating over the years. I always wanted kids. When I unexpectedly got pregnant 3 years ago I was doing pretty good with my emet--I knew I would one day have to deal with a sick child but I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. Unfortunately, parenthood has made my emetophobia the worst it's ever been in my life. I think there are a lot of issues involved--I wasn't ready to be a mom, had postpartum depression, and am generally the worrisome type. Throw that altogether with having a small child who is completely and utterly dependent on you--more so when they're ill--and the stress seems to rear its ugly head through the emet. I hope that makes sense, LOL. I am worried about my own self getting sick, but I am 1000x more afraid my little daughter will awaken in the night with it. The greatest fear for me is knowing that I am the only one she will want and I'll just have to cope. The one occasion she did have an SV was the first time I ever experienced a frank panic attack...scary stuff. I live in constant dread of when the next time will be.


    You still have time to work on the emet and the underlying issues before you try to conceive...this is honestly the best advice I could give to someone who suffers this horrible phobia.


    Best wishes,


    Nikki

  19. #19
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    I think that when your kids are young, your entire life is being a mom. That's all you think about, so that's what your conversations involve. I did this. My friends heard all about those adorable little farts, lol. After a few years, I began to regain that seperate identity...I'm so much more than just a mom. I'm finally capable of having a real adult conversation again. Luckily, my buddies stuck it out!
    Be Here Now

  20. #20
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    I've read everyone's comments and I can appreciate each and every one. So here's mine


    I've been an emet my entire life, and sometimes it's really really bad, and sometimes it's ok. But always there. As a teenager I was sure that I DID NOT want to have any because of my emet being so bad, but at 19 I got pregnant. (I am now 35)


    I had my daughter at 19 and never had morning sickness, it was actually good being pregnant, and then I did it two more times. Thank goodness in all three pregnancies I never got sick if so I would have only had my daughter. But through the years my kids have been sick with different bugs and things like that but my husband has always been there to take care of them during the sv*s and stomach issues.


    They are now 16, 15 and 10 and I could not imagine my life without them. They are my world and I am one of those people who's life revolves around their children. I have had my share of panic attachs and week long worries when they've been sick but some how I've made it through. Without them I would never know what unconditional love is. Sometimes when they were sick I would feel like such a bad mother for not being there holding their hands when they v*, and I've tried but I freaked completely out and started shaking and crying the whole thing and my husband just say's "It's ok, I got it, go in the other room." But because of my emet I think I am a better mother in a lot of other ways, because I over compensate for not being there during the v*. I listen to them, I'm always hugging and kissing them (except for when they v*), I always make sure that I tell them how proud I am of them and everything.


    So even though my emet is in full swing, and I've had my times where I freak the hell out when they got sick, I would NOT change it for the world. They can make me smile when NO ONE else can. And now that they are older they are even more fun. I love them to death. It is all so worth it for me. I've added pictures of my three babies. My son and daughter at homecomming, and my baby at his football game.......





    [img]uploads/images/tree1211/E3D_Tjuan&Shayla06.jpg[/img] [img]uploads/images/tree1211/776_Trey06.jpg[/img]Edited by: tree1211

  21. #21
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    Well, I'm not a mom. Only 18, not married but in a relationship, so my opinion here is close to nothing, but... strangely enough, I WANT kids. Not necessarily now, because I'm in school and I want to get my career going first before I decide to settle down. But what's weird is about two years ago I despised children. The thought of kidssickened me. Having to clean up after them, having them constantly crying or yelling, etc...


    Now, and I have no idea where this came from, I really look forward to having kids, especially and hopefully with my current BF. I guess over the years I've begun to notice the impression children have upon people, and its something that I would not sacrifice for over Emet. Ever. I would give anything to be 25 right now in a heartbeat, just to be at the right age or close to it, to start going down that path. [img]smileys/smilies_31.gif[/img]



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