Taking a short break

[hippychick]

Hey all

Well I'm taking a short break from the site. I've been around IES since 2002 and back then it was a much smaller community. As IES has grown obviously it's needed more moderating and I'm more than happy to do that. I love being part of a site that gives so much back to people.

Recently though I find there is so much emphasis on not getting sick, on avoiding V* and not so much emphasis on beating the phobia that brought us all here. I am fighting this phobia every step and it's not easy. Especially at this time of year.

In the last 4 years I have grown so much, I have gone from being an agoraphobic who literally couldn't eat anything to someone who travels on a regular basis and now eat a healthy (sometimes unhealthy ) amount. I couldn't have done it without the support of this site.

I would urge all of you who post and talk of avoidance to really think about what you are doing by reinforcing this phobia. I understand that this fear makes you want to avoid V*, hell of course you do, but it can't be all there is. Only focusing on avoiding vomiting is not going to work because one day you may get sick and you may not have the tools to deal with that. I can't put all my energy into not being sick because if it happens I will fall to pieces. My energy needs to go into not being afraid of it so that when it happens it doesn't destroy whatever progress I have made. I understand though that not everyone is there yet.

Now this is by no means a goodbye. It's just a break. A few days, maybe a week or two. Just basically to cut down the time I spend here and thinking about V* and germs. I'm going to finally unpack the rest of my boxes (I moved over a year ago, shocking that there are still boxes [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]) and get ready for christmas and just try and focus on some positive things at this time of year. I suffer badly from SAD and anxiety around this time and I want to try and combat it..

I'm writing this post because I wanted to thank everyone who has supported me over the years and I hope I've given something back. Also to let you know if you see me around a bit less then that's why and finally to provide you all with my msn address so that you can contact me anytime.

I'll be back soon [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]


Edited by: hippychick

[calibmom24]

I am sorry that you are feeling that way. I hope your break from here is a good one. I hope you can relax and get done what you need to get done. Hope to see you back on here one day soon. Good luck unpacking! I hate doing that!!! ~Brandi~

[x hannah x]

I think it's a good idea to take a break if thats what you want, I hope to see you around here again later though! Good luck with your winter issues. xxxxxxxx

[Galadriel]

Hey Hippy,
I agree with you, this has been and is a great site. I couldn't believe when I first came here years ago (gosh lol I think it was like 3-4 years!) that I wasn't the only one with this. I know you have helped me a ton, I am at a much better place with emet, and want to keep improving. Best of luck on your break!

[happyteacher]

I agree hippy,


There is too much focus on avoidance on this site. I began my therapy 2 years ago and until recently, I didn't realise the amount of effort I put into avoidance. now, I try my best to push the envelope as much as possible (within reason, of course) in order to become more comfortable in situations that make me anxious.


It is extremely unhealthy to swap "ways to not v*". We should be a community working together to fight the underlying anxiety behind it. That's not to say we need to v* to feel better or we should be germ filled human beings, but if we channelled all of this effort for a constructive purpose, in the end we would be much happier. Do you think Sage was cured by continuing to avoid things? Not on your life!


I encourage everyone to either continue or begin to fight!

[alwaysamber]

I too agree very much so w/ hippychic and happyteacher. Couldnt have said it better myself!!!

[Babydoll]

Recently though I find there is so much emphasis on not getting sick, on avoiding V* and not so much emphasis on beating the phobia that brought us all here. I am fighting this phobia every step and it's not easy. Especially at this time of year.
.

I would urge all of you who post and talk of avoidance to really think about what you are doing by reinforcing this phobia. I understand that this fear makes you want to avoid V*, hell of course you do, but it can't be all there is. Only focusing on avoiding vomiting is not going to work because one day you may get sick and you may not have the tools to deal with that. I can't put all my energy into not being sick because if it happens I will fall to pieces. My energy needs to go into not being afraid of it so that when it happens it doesn't destroy whatever progress I have made. I understand though that not everyone is there yet.

I can't say how much I agree with you on all of this. THIS IS KEY!!


have a good time away, and don't worry too much. You deserve a break every now and then you'll be missed for as long as your away!

[mars]

Hi Hippychick!


You are so right to focus on overcoming the phobia instead of looking for ways to avoid V* altogether. I agree with you 100%- this site has taught me lots, even though I've only been here since the beginning of the year. Its great to feel that there is more to life than this phobia.


Take care and I have my fingers crossed for some of those lovely sunny winter days instead of the driving rain we've been having in Scotland for so long! M x

[johnlp]

[img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img]Hmm.


I agree with what is being said here and believe me that is what I want. For me avoidance is a nice thought but I know it is not reality. But being an "avoider" by nature and being involved in many of the "avoiding" post, I have learned alot about myself and that I am not abnormal and that others are just like me.


Yes, to cope in the v* world and to rid myself completly of the phobia is what I want. I've been an emet for over 30 years. What I've learned on this site and the people I've met and the discussions of prevention and protection from foodborn illnesses and sv* has helped me greatly. Not to mention we've had some great laughs at out own expence.


I don't want to see the "baby thrown out with the bath water", just please note that this "avoider" has been help in a great way from the "other side of the coin" on this phobia and I thank you Hippy and all the others for that![img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[hippychick]

Thanks all for your posts.

I understand that not
everyone is at the same stage as I am with their phobia and for many
years all I did was avoid the thought of getting sick and put all my
efforts into not catching a stomach bug. But this has harmed me, my
effort cannot be put into all the reasons why I might get sick, what
foods MIGHT cause sickness, what hand sanitizers work or don't work,
whether or not anti emetics work or not etc etc.

For me
personally, it does me no good at all. The more I read about the more I
restrict and I don't think sharing tips in avoidance is altogether
productive.

Many times on this site when someone is anxious
about something I've seen the advice to be to avoid the situation. For
me, I cannot keep doing this. It's not helping me get any better.

That
is not to bash the people on this site who do this or to disrespect
them. Everyone is different and has different needs with their phobia
at any one time. But I cannot keep doing it to myself. I need to try
and combat my anxiety right now because at this time of year if I
don't, then my ocd, my need to clean and avoid and restrict will
consume me once again.

I've made great progress this year and I feel myself sliding so I need to try other things.

I
also understand that what I say here isn't a popular opinion. It feels
safe to avoid V*, to use everything you have not to throw up. Of course
it does. You cannot push the boundries until you feel safe and
confident to do so. But I am trying to and I hope that this doesn't
offend anyone else. I'm not trying to threaten anyone else's safe space
or what makes them feel good.

I am so happy that this forum
helps so many people because this phobia is so isolating and awful. But
for me at this time of year, reading about avoidance triggers me into
avoiding and I need to have a break until it doesn't anymore.

The
other thing I always think is, what if I put all my effort, all my time
into avoiding getting sick and I don't do all the things I want in life
and then in 1, 2,5 maybe even 10 years time I still get sick anyway.
What a waste of 10 years I will have had. I'm so scared of wasting my
life and not doing the things I want to because of this phobia. It's
cost me so much already.

I'm a fraud really because all I want
to do is hide away, I'm struggling so hard every day just to do simple
things like not wash my hands too much, not take anti emetics, remember
to eat right. It's a real battle in my head right now and so I just
need to be away from anything that might trigger me to do these things.
Does that make sense? I feel like I'm standing on the edge and at any
moment I could get pulled in and let the anxiety take over and I'm
trying all I can not to let it. Not this year.

Enough rambling [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

Thank you again for your support. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say even if I'm not managing it well.

[crimgoddess]

Hi Hippy-


I totally understand what you are saying- you know what really makes me sad?


Yesterday, I was worried about giving Chris a hug because he was still wearing his scrubs from work and a floor of the hospital he works in is quarantined for noro virus. Before joining this site, this would not have even been a concern for me- in fact, I am starting to worry about things that I have not given a second thought to before joining this site- so I can't say that this site is 100% helpful. If anything, I think it is becoming a big enabler.


So many post are positive- the "I got through this and was okay"- but so many others just further avoidant behaviour, and it is passed off as acceptable because "we are all in different stages of our phobia". If this was an eating disorder site, would it be appropriate for people to exchange tips on how to lose weight, or to hide the fact that you aren't eating or are purging?


Goodluck with everything Hippy- you are a fabulous moderator, and I think it is fantastic that you are in-tune enough to realize that you need to do what is best for you in the longrun


*amber*

[harmonygirl72]

I totally agree! I wish you the best of luck! I will talk to you on MSN, for sure! I think I have been on this site since 2000 (Can it be??), so if you need someone to take your place as Mod, I'd be happy to apply for the job!


Mary

[hippychick]

I've been gone less than a day and you're taking my job?[img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img] We're not there yet don't worry, I have no plans to quit as a mod.

Amber I agree 100% with what you said about ED sites. Having spent time on one ED forum which is recovery based I find that it's so much more positive. There are no tips there on how to avoid eating or whatever else and even though everyone is in a different stage of recovery and some people may relapse they're all still together. It's a good thing.

Anyway, the unpacking of the boxes is going slowly so I'm taking a break to catch up watching Studio 60 and ER instead. Ah procrastination!

[harmonygirl72]

Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you! I just thought you might need help if you weren't going to be on here as often! I take it back! ;-)


Mary

[hippychick]

Hehe it's ok no insult at all, I know you well enough Mary and I think you'd make a fab mod on this board. I'm just needing a week or two where I'm not thinking about V* or bugs or washing my hands so I can re-group and come back.

[harmonygirl72]

Okay, good luck! If you know how I can put my name in for consideration, let me know! :-)

[silver]

I understand what you mean about this...I have made many positive steps in the past year thanks to the support on this board...on the other hand, when I am coming here often I start overthinking and becoming more concerned about germs, sv*, etc. as Amber stated. I firmly believe that avoidance is what reinforces the fear...the more that we avoid, the worse our fear gets. My goal is to get past this fear and get the point where I can v* and not experience any more anxiety about it then someone that doesn't have this phobia. The fear has taken sooo much time from my life. I understand that everyone here is at different stages with it and that's ok...last year at this time I couldn't hear it ,see it, or even say it. Now I have gotten to the point where I have helped others while they v*, and even cleaned it up myself and I am very proud of that. I still have a long ways to go, but I think that we have to be supportive and encouraging to one another here in a positive way and look at ways to get better. The more that we avoid, the longer that we will remain in this hell that we are in.

[kutekim1217]

Sometimes I think these groups make emets much worse. I was never this bad until I joined groups. Kim

[sherbear]

Hippychick, I admire you so much. I, too, am so scared that I'm just going to waste years and years of my life. You're brave for being willing to fight this head on. It's so much easier to avoid. (Believe me, I know.) Thanks for giving me hope.

[tcsarah]

Louise, I agree with everything you say - particularly about the avoidance.I know, I've been there in the pastliving a restricted, nightmarish life avoiding all and sundry - avoidance can be very destructive.


I understand your need for a break. Good luck with geting those boxes sorted!