Emet.. jeopardizing my job

[kaiyla]

So the title is a little dramatic, but it's fitting for what I feel like. This is
embarassing but here goes... Within the past 6 months, I have turned my
life around for the better. I moved across the country and started working
as a nanny. I'm in love with my job and the child I work for is absolutely
amazing. I have never worked for a family this loving and amazing. I'm
finally feeling good about myself again, and I love where my life is right
now.
Unfortunately tonight I faced the "fear"....almost, but still too close for
comfort. A few hours ago the daytime nanny texted me (I am a thrice
weekly evening nanny) texted me, telling me that I should come at 5pm
and then she said it: "(the child's name) has the flu and has been v--." My
worst fear was staring me in the face. I started shaking and I felt like I
wanted to run away, like my heart was going a million miles an hour and I
was going to die. The fact that I could lose my job for denying a shift
somehow began a secondary concern, as the fear had me in its grip. I
called my boss and told her an "embellished" concern: When I am around
children when they have bad colds/flu's, I become sick too and when I get
ill, my asthma is affected. If my asthma is affected too much, I end up in
the hospital on a nebulizer. Since I have no health insurance to pay for
any possible hospital bills, it leaves me in a definite jam." Like I said, this
is all somewhat true, but the root of the problem is obviously the
emetophobia.

I have nannied for other children in the past and there have been
instances where the child did v--- and I did panick, but somehow got
through the event. Still it is the anticipation of the act of v-- that kills me
the most. Like tonight, I knew the child could possibly v-- and I just
couldn't handle waiting, having the panic attack until it possibly
happened, etc. So I bailed and now I feel like a complete freak. Best job
I've ever had and I put it in jeaopardy like this. I hate this fear. It's stupid,
irrational, and no matter what I do, I cannot get over it. I would love to go
into therapy, but I could never afford it.

I've finally found my niche -taking care of children. But how can I be 100%
successful at this when the possibility of the child v--- is a huge fear of
mine. when This fear has become so consuming. I'd do anything to rid
myself of it.
Now I am faced with the embarassment that I bailed on my shift tonight. I
am sure the day nanny thinks I suck now. My boss is a celebrity, she can
have any nanny she wants for this job, I am sure so many people would
be thrilled to work for her and her awesome little guy. She seemed
understanding when I told her my fear of his cold/flu kicking up my
asthma too, "oh really sweetie? dont worry about it." (She basically hired
me so that she can go
out on date-nights, and has been a very sweet, understanding boss in the
past). I am sure she has no issues staying at home with her kid when he is
v---. She typically has me call in when I am sick so he doesn't get sick,
so wouldnt it only be fair vice-versa?? Right?
The Good News: Now that I have told her that there are complications
with my asthma when I get sick, she is aware and will most likely not have
me over on the night's that the little guy is sick.
The Bad News: The v---- fear is still the cause of all of this and now I fear
that she will hire someone who can "cope" with it, IF I were to confess my
phobia.

Do I just lay all my cards out on the table and confess my emetophobia? I
am terrfied to the core that she will think I am incompetent, and will lose
me as her nanny. For that reason, I am considering just sticking to my
reason of "asthmatic concern." Either reaso

[johnlp]

Hard to advise on that. I just found this board a few weeks ago and until then I thought I was the only one with this issue. Not many, other than fellow emets understand it's more than disliking v* it is a cripleing fear that few understand. I've become quite good at avoiding the situation in creative ways from car problmes to deaths in the family (using dead family members) to faking being ill myself!


No one other than my wifem kids and mom know my phobia. No one else.


I don't know if I've really addressed anything but let's let some others chime in!

[Galadriel]

Id lean towards the letting the asthma excuse pass, because then she knows in a way that you really couldn't do v*ing kids (even tho its for the asthma rather than the emet), and whats the point of losing a job that you love? The thing is to work on the emet to get to the point someday where it wouldn't be much an issue, but till that day comes I think its ok to let it pass in this case. She doesn't need to know the exact reasoning.

[kaiyla]

thanks so much for the replies John and Galadriel. It just feels good to
confess this to people who understand and may have some good advice
about the situation.

[christianne]

Hi there!

I completely know how you feel!! I work as a flight attendant and there's been times where I've gotten so panicked and scared because of my emet I just felt I had to quit. Like you I totally love my job---I couldn't ever think about doing anything else even though occasionally I'm confronted with rough situations. Still, I push on because I will not let my phobia get in the way of doing what I truly love. Plus, most of my flights go off without a hitch, so I'm not face to face with v* all the time.

It really sounds like you adore your job, and it would be a shame to have you give it up. It also sounds like your boss is pretty understanding, but I don't know if I'd tell her about your phobia just yet. Go with the asthma thing. I've never told anyone I work with about it (except for a boozy night in Myrtle Beach!) and would honestly not want to tell anyone. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I will get to a point where I'm okay with v*. It'll take time but I'll get there, and I'm sure you will too.

By the way, I think you are very courageous and wonderful to do what you do! And it really sounds like you really love to work with children--I give you so much credit for that!!

Good luck and welcome!!

[kaiyla]

Christianne that's sooooo sweet, thank you very very much. It takes a lot of
courage to do what you do as well..I can't imagine the patience that you
must have in order to deal with some of the passengers nowadays!
Yes, to would definitely be a shame to lose a job that you love so much. The
ironic thing is; I have posted this issue on another forum that I frequent as
well, and there (the non-emets) say I should tell me boss about my situation,
and here (the definite emets) say that I should not. I'm trying to read
between the lines there, but in all honesty, it feels good to get any sound
advice about now.

[stormchaser97]

Hey, I believe in honesty, but at the same time I don't think being honest should jeopardize your life and job if you aren't doing anything wrong, you know. The only thing you should lose that type of job over would be neglecting the kids, which of course you wouldn't ever do.

That said, quite a few people close and some not so close to me know about my emet, my boss at the pool where I lifeguarded and taught lessons this summer was great about it. One of my kids got sick and normally it's that kids teachers job to clean up, but he told me he'd take care of it and sent me home. That happened on more than one occasion. I think part of it was that he knew I worked hard and was reliable when it came to everything else and that more than made up for this one weird little prob I have. I guess only you know your boss well enough to know how she'd react. Whatever you decide, good luck.