Enjoying being emetophobic......??!!

[SarahB]

....I just wondered if any one else is fed-up of being told they "enjoy" being an emet? I ask as I have recieved a note from the woman who did the NLP I had a couple of months ago, she says:


"It really is down to you though as I said at the beginning you have to want to get better. Unfortunately I still have this nagging little doubt in my mind, that you do get something from having this, which may sound absurd to you as you read this, but subconciously you might want it!"


She is the third person who has said this to me and it is driving me mad!! My psychiatrist goes on about "secondary gain" and what I *get out of* being emetophobic, my CBT guy says i work hard at being emetophobic. Are these people mad? Why would anyone *want* to feel like this? To have this fear with you everyday, to feel nausea and queasiness so often, to look at food and instead of thinking "yum" thinking "what will this be like to v*"???????!!!!!!!


I just wondered who else has been told this - it seems to me it is just a classic sign the therapist/doctor just doesn't understand - or is it that we emets are all in denial?

[Scampi]

At the risk of unleashing a torrent of abuse, I think that it's a bit of both. Someone who has never had a phobia has no understanding of what it feels like, even those 'professionals' who are supoosed to be trained to help - it's all just theory to them.


BUT, I think that, for some people, emet is a kind of 'safety net' - their actual problem is an even more deep-seated social phobia, or some other anxiety disorder - emet means they do not have to face the underlying fear. Am I making sense? If you have some sort of anxiety disorder that you cannot label or pin-point the trigger, maybe having the 'emet' label to cling to feels more like you are in control (I am using the word 'you' in a general sense here, not aimed at YOU, Sarah).


I know that this is probably going to make me unpopular on here, but it's my opinion - I really don't want to offend or upset anyone. I have the phobia, I HATE it, but it's still me opinion. I confess to having used emet as a excuse to my other half to get out of going to a 'do' at a pub with him that I didn't really want to do to - sorry people.


Best wishes, Jill xxx

[crazybeautiful]

I sure don't. Makes me and my family miserable.

[kmarie]

I see where you are comming from Scampi..and I agree..there are some people here who may be like that.


I personally HATE being an emet and want it GONE!!


My husband had the balls to say i enjoyed it and didnt want to get help just once. we were having a huge fight..I had to stop therapy ebcause he switched jobs and we didnt have insurance for three months. He told me that if i really wnated to be sured id be finding ways to get to therapy..and to pay for it. NOW..the ONLY way we could have done it was to stop going out to eat with my whole family each weekend. I couldhave given that up..and gotten therapy..but i wouldnt have seen my family..who is (next to my husband) the msot important part of my life and my main support..so..i opted to use then as my support and to keep my spirits up for the three months and then seek therapy.


He still doesnt understand and never ever will..hes the type that "just deals" with his issues and moves on..he thinks there is a switch in my brain that i can just throw and be all better!!!

[sweetanya]

I so undesrtand you....I just told about my phobia my boyfriend yesterday and it was exactly his reaction. The best thing that could happen in my life is that this damn phobia could let me alone.... But i don't know...Maybe some people can use this reason as an excuse. I don't think i personnaly already did it, as i remember, but i'm sure some do it... But it's not because SOME do it that we all do that.....

[terified girl]

As A teen I was a bit chubby and by having emet, it keeps me on the slimmer part, for most of the most of the time anyways, because I am afraid to eat. Sometimes Ithink thats the only good thing about emet and wonder if I do get cured if I will become huge because I adore food and could eat 24 hours a day when I am feeling great!!!!!

[sunshine16]

Emet is a life ruiner. I sure don't enjoy this. But maybe non emets think that we do. I dont know what non emets think because I have never been one...hmm okay that was weird of me to say. We are like this, and they should accept that it is ruining our lives, and we hate it.


But at the same time, I can't imagine life without emet. It just wouldn't be me. Unfortunatly. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[Jenneh]

heya,


for me, there were advantages of having emetophobia. it took a long whle to think of them, but there are some.


it was a safety net for me, because i hvent been a person WITHOUT emetophobia, YET, then iuts hard to let go of smthing that feels so close to you!


some people say tht it makes us feel unique, and part of a community, and makes us feel lke we deserve smthing... but i pesronally dont agree with that.


so, i know its so frustratinwen ppl keep saying "u r tryin to be emetophobic" but maybe they're just tryin to say, "you're not actively geting rid of it, because it makes u feel less insecure?"


this is jsut my opinion, and my circumstance. so im not saying im right or whatever.


Jen xxxx

[Melikasa]

I agree with scampi. FOr the 90% of us that have it and that is it I believe there is a percent that have this (even subconsiously) as a safetly net for underlying problems.
It isn't jusr emet of course. I have a sister in law that just thrives on being able to say there is something wrong with her. SHe loves having people pitty her and feel sorry for her. SOOO many of the things she thinks she has isn't medically possible for her to still have.
It is easy for the mind to convince the body there is something the matter, and yes the mind does have to be ready to be cured but it isn't easy. Alcoholism and smoking are examples (maybe poor ones but..) A personhas to be mentally ready to quit and get better. Maybe even need a reason better than themselves to do it. I think there are levels of emet that are similar.
if anything I said made even the slightest bit of sense.

[Jenneh]

melikasa, i fully understood what u sed.


its right, if ur mind isnt ready to get "recovered" u wont get recovered.


u have to be in the right frame of the mind. the frame of mind that can say " i CAN get over this, this isnt in control over me, im in control over it"


which is why my doctor gave me anti-depressants. wen i had depression, i was saying the opposite " i cant get over this, this is in control of me" she wanted me to have that little help from the tablets to change my frame of mind, so that i cud change my view point.


and, it really helped.


and yeah, the mind really can make u believe smthings the matter. my parents used to always say " u dont feel sick, its all in ur mind" and however angry i was with them, it was tru in a way!. i didnt ACTUALLY feel proper nausea. it was just anxiety making me feel sick, and my mind had created that feeling.


a friend of mine turned herself anorexic by using her mind. nething is possible.


Jen xxxx

[jazz]

Personally, i can't think of a single good thing about having emet. It's disruptive, it's upsetting and it can alter your life.
To imply we "enjoy" having emetophobia is ridiculous. Does somebody with a phobia of spiders enjoy petting tarantulas?
I agree, there are certain levels of maturity we have to attain in order to defeat this phobia, but the words "fun" and "phobia" don't mix.

[Melikasa]

I am not so sure they mean "enjoy" as in Wee this is fun...I think they mean "enjoy" as in "hey I am liking the attention" " I need to have sometime wrong with me and what would I do with out this"


Of course I am sure that a lot of the implications may be directed towards t he wrong people. I think that people (therapists Included) say before they should, or speak instead of keeping it to themselves.
It isn't so much that we aren't trying and it isn't so much that we dont want to get rid of it. It is just that we are not strong enough or ready enough to handle the hardships that sometimes come with getting better.

[Jenneh]

melikasa... thats a good point. smtimes therapists speak too soon.. but the other view is that.. if therapists point out that ur hanging onto a "bad habit" (what my psych called it) they can actually help... it makes u get a new perspectve on it.


Jen xxx

[2jo2]

I sure don't enjoy being emet and no one knows about it so it's certainly not for the attention. I don't like having to worry that it's getting to be the end of summer now and all I have to look forward to for winter is 6 months of worrying about catching the flu. I don't like worrying every day, not being able to watch movies for fear someone will v* in them, it's not a thing I'd pick as a trait of myself if I could choose.

[Eternity]

We'd want to feel this because it is the perfect excuse to our greatest critic- ourselves, to sit n do nothing, to not get involved with the things or the people we dont want to, to consider ourselves 'delicate' n therefore special. Oh yes. I can see their point of view...


.. I just dont agree with it, thats all. Because for all the things I dont like that I now dont have to do, theres three things I did like, that I now cant do. n now that I really am physically much more delicate, in so far as being weak n unfit, than I ever have been, I hate it more than I could ever have imagined, n Im doing all I can to get fit again.

[sarahx]

hmmm this is difficult, i hate it when therapists say that emets enjoy being the way they are. But it may be true to a degree, it is a saftey net for those of us who have social phobias, it kind of means that there is a definite reason for us avoiding social settings, incase someone v*! But i am not saying that emet isnt real, oh its very real the fear is definitely real. But i think some emets develop the fear of v* due to other phobias, like social phobias? I hope im not p**ing anyone off here? Im jst trying to look at all points of view. I definitely think its right that we cant be cured until we let our minds be cured, like an alcoholic... Something has to 'click' in our minds before we can defeat this phobia. I do not enjoy being an emet, i want to live my life to the full, and whats stopping me really? V* is not going to kill me so why should i be so terrified of it? If i see someone v* i can walk away so why is that scary? But unfortunately we all know that it IS scary.... there seems to be no easy answer....


Does it mean that ppl who are scared of spiders have a different underlying phobia? because (in this country at least) spiders wont kill you! So its like v* its not gonna kill u so why are u scared of it?


Ok so im babbling now but there are so many possibilities, so many reasons and opinions... who knows what this phobia is really about? If its all in our minds then why does it hurt so bad..? Why cant we make it go away if its just our minds..? We are meant to be in control of how we think... so why isnt it that easy to get rid of like ppl think it is..?


Ok ive really confused myself and u lot now probably lol sorry the posts so long lol


Sarah xxx

[Melikasa]

It is just an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain that we have no control over REALLY. Sometimes we CAN conquor it all with a little knowledge or a little experience. Other are going to need medication no matter what they think.
I wish I knew where the difference lies from someone that just needs to, say, touch a spider and be in close quarters to be cured and someone that needs meds.
I know a lot of people think that meds are an easy way out or bad. I use to hate taking anything if I didn't really need it, even Tylenol.
I am sure though that without the Celexa I would be suffering just as bad.Of course I wasmentally ready as well because I had a major reason.I want to conquor this for Anthony. Now ishasn't worked too well forthe emet but it has worked awsome for the agoraphobia.
Meds or not it is an overprotective release I believe (like fight or flight) that makes us panick easier than we need to.

[Jenneh]

Sarah, i believe i got emetophobia because of social phobia.


when i was 11, i was social phobic, (stil am) and when i went out, i felt nauseous from the anxiety. but i didnt know wot it was back then, i just thort i kept feeling sick and was scvared i was gnna be sick from this.


so i soon got a fear of this feeling! nausea and feeling sick. so sumhow it twisted itself into emetophobia. now i have social phobia AND emetophobia.


Jen xxxx

[hanarky]

I can't imagine being normal.. this is part of me ( yes its
negative) but I wouldn't wanna eat out ever.. this way im more
aware of the negative things out there that can cause
unpleasant food poisoning or what not. Normal people don't
take as many percautions as we do.. there for they are sick
more often.. they arent paranoid enough compared to us...
Therefore i wouldn't wanna get rid of it for that reason..
Vomiting isn't pleasant to anyone.. so Id rather not throw up and
be able to controll it and be verrry afraid of it, than not like it and
do it more often. I just
wish I'd worry less u know.. but hey something positive comes
with something negative..Edited by: hanarky

[Jenneh]

hanarky i understand what u r saying... but if u werent frightened of v*ing then u wudnt mind doing it every now and again to make urself well again wud you?


so, would you really prefer to be emetophobic, than normal?


i know i wudnt.


Jen xxxx

[Melikasa]

Thats funny Jennah I was the same way exactly. I had no lable for either of my problems and no way to explain it (or so I thought) so I didn't sound absurd.
It really can go either way. There are benefits to having the emet, such as being healthier from not being sick so often, but as emets we have taken cautious to the extreme.
If we were emets though we also wouldn't care so much that we were sick or that there was potential for us to become sick.
I no the non emets are like well I am going to stuff myself and ride the rides TILL I get sick: I am going to drink till I p***" hahah: I ate (blah blah blah) till I was sick...and so on. So flu or food poisoning isn't anything to them except an inconvenience really.

[Jenneh]

precisely melikasa.


*agrees*


Jen xxx

[hanarky]

reply to JENNEH:
really don't know I guess it totally formatted my brain here... I
can't imagine myself eating out.. and even if i was normal I wouldn't want
to.. caue when I wasn't emet on and off I still didn't like the deed. so Id
rather not risk it.. but Im sure its the met talkin u know how it is

[Jenneh]

im sure its the emet talkin too..


wen ur life has been ruled by this one phobia, its hard to imagine a life without it frankly!


so i can understand ur difficulty


Jen xxxx

[Melikasa]

I don't know if you truely know you were on "a break" from emet. There are still those little inclinations there. The maybe and what ifs. So it comes out as not liking it. I had pretty much convinced myself that it wasn't something I liked. Till I started getting better from emet and agoraphobia.
I fact I brought my guy to MacDonalds the other day and I totally panicked when kids started to come in and close me in. I started to feel dizzy and sick and even though I tried to talk myself out of it I couldn't. I had to tear my little man away from his playing.
Now I have had a lot of days where I have been able to go out and not worry since I started taking my meds.
There is still that niggly little thing there that rears its head.

[sage]

Well, I'm motoring through the site tonight so I only read the opening post and scrolled down. All I can say is


oh my God the stupid, stupid behaviorists


Gak! Behaviorists drive me insane sometimes. Always talking about a "payoff" for "behavior" (secondary gain, etc. etc.) The NLP people are the absolute worst. Although CBT is the best kind of treatment, a therapist shouldn't be "harping" on the client's behavior, especially in front of the client. From an emotion-focused perspective the point is that we are in terrible, terrible fear. Horrible, dramatic FEAR. I'd be saying to my therapist "BUDDY - fix the phobia first, then let's worry about WHY I had it, ok?" Sometimes these therapists actually blame the client for their own inadequacy as therapists. This takes many forms from calling the client "resistant" or "non-compliant". Oh my God...don't get me started.


I am started.


Anyway, hon, don't worry about what BENEFIT you get from the phobia. That's just crap. The point is that part of your brain (the amygdala)that registers terror in the primitive form of death-anxiety "HOLY S**T! I'M ABOUT TO GET EATEN!" is kicking in whenever you feel sick, or are around anyone else who is. THIS CAN BE FIXED. It takes a bit of work, and YES positive cognitions are important (such as "I'm not in any danger" "I'm perfectly safe" etc.) are an important part of the treatment, but so is a good relationship with your therapist. In fact, you can't heal without it....


Either talk to your therapist about this kind of thing or else find a therapist you trust and who shows some compassion. I sure know how you feel - I've been there. 11 stupid therapists. Then one day I just found one who listened to me, believed me, didn't BLAME me, and just plain loved me into getting better.


All the best!

[sarahx]

hanarky, i know how you feel, as much as i hate emet what would i do without it? I dont think i would want to go out, eat out, go to theme parks etc..? But i really really REALLY dont want the fear!!! And probably, once the fear is gone we'd go out, eat out without even thinking about it!!


Sarah xxx

[Jenneh]

Anyway, hon, don't worry about what BENEFIT you get from the phobia. That's just crap.

i dont think it is just crap....personally.. i realised that a part of my DID NOT want to let go of this phobia, because it was my safety net. in the same way, anorexic's dont wanna get rid of their disorder, because they dont wanna get fat.


the thing is, unless you WANT to get rid of any disorder, however much treatment u have, ur not gnna manage it.


thinking about the benefits of the phobia, and finding other ways to GET those benefits in ur life ( i.e. CONTROL) i think is a big part of getting cured.


just my opinion tho.


Jen xxxxxxxx

[hanarky]

Ditto Jenneh
I guess Id want to let go of the fear.. but not the little bubble that
protects me from evil evil outside foods.. ahah
U know what I mean..LOL

[Jenneh]

i do get what u mean... and however much i say "well, if ur not emetophobic u wudnt WANT to be protected from the foods" it doesnt help.


again, if i compare our disorder to anorexia. however much u say to an anorexic "well, if ur not anorexic, it doesnt mean ur gnna get fat" they wont believe you.


you need a jolly good persuasive psychologist for you to change ur frame of mind on that!!


Jen xxxxx