Battle of Beliefs! HELP!

[1scareddj]

Ok, I was just put in a situation that I REALLY don't wanna be in.


A little background on me.....I went to Sunday school and church as a kid but more it was more casual as my mom and dad weren't too strict about it. I was confirmed and all that stuff.


Fast Forward to present day: I don't believe in God, Jesus, or the bible....I don't go to church or anything. That is my choice...I believe there is "something" out there but I don't know what it is. I am a good person and I didn't learn morals and such from the Church...I learned them from my parents...I learned how to be a good person cause I was brought up in a good household and I had a good family..it had nothing to do with religion. Anyway, I don't push my beliefs (or lack thereof) on others cause everyone has their own reasons why they believe or don't believe this or that. People can believe or not believe whatever they want and I don't care....get my drift...?


Anyway, so today in the mail today get a card with a CD in it from my bf's older sister.I have never ever discussed religion with her EVER. On the inside she wrote:


"Melanie - When I heard this is was very hard for me to keep my composure. I kept thinking of you and I felt so sad. I was sitting there fighting back my tears.There is so much more I wish I could share with you. Let's talk later after you listen to this. Call me if you want"


Well, I was confused cause Ididn't know what to expect on th CD...it was about doubting God and having questions about God and stuff and it was like a sermon type thingy....something that I am NOT interested in listening to the whole way through...


What do I do? I dont' want to hurt her feelings by not talking to her about it or not acknowledging that I got this in the mail. She is really really sweet but my biggest pet peeve is talking about religion.....people don't understand how I cant believein God and stuff....why do I have to listen to people try and preech tome all the time...I don't try and convince people that there is no god....what do I do???


I asked my boyfriend why she wouldhave sent me this outof the blue and he said that she had asked him what religion I was and he said "she doesn't have one...as in she doesn't believe in God" I feel like she thinks she needs to "rescue" me or something....I dont' need rescuing..I ama perfectly fine person with or without "god"....how do I talk toher about this???? I have to see her on Monday!! ACK!

[daffodil]

That's a tough one. I would just be straightforward with her, and if the subject comes up, tell her that you respect her beliefs, and you would appreciate it if she respected yours. It sounds like that may be hard for her to accept, and that she feels that it is her mission to save your soul, but in my opinion, the only way to handle it is to be firm yet polite, and don't get into any theological debates with her. Good luck!

[1scareddj]

Thanks Hazel! I got your PM the other day! Thank you for your kind words....I hope she isn't really pushy about it.....I'm not on a mission to prove everyone wrong....but I have my reasons for thinking the way I do and no one should question that...I don't know...she really is a sweet person but that was the last thing I expected...*sigh* I will let everyone know how it goes

[christianne]

I'm sure your boyfriends sister has the best intentions, but situations like this can be a bit irritating. It think it's wonderful that you don't try to push your belief's on others---I personally cannot stand it when people do that to me. Ugh!! At work I constantly have passengers giving me religious pamphlets and Bible quotes and so forth, and even though I am technically Lutheran I agree that it can get a bit annoying.

Well, I would call her and thank her very much for the CD, and tell her that she was very sweet for thinking about you. If at all possible, try to end the conversation then. If she pushes on, tell her that while you appreciate and understand the gesture, you are quite content and comfortable in your beliefs and that you really hope she can respect that. Then try to move the conversation onto something else---ask her a question about something, that usually works!!

Hopefully this helps you out a bit!! Take care!! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[1scareddj]

Thanks Christianne! I just hope this whole thing doesn't create waves......*sigh*

[christianne]

Thanks Christianne! I just hope this whole thing doesn't create waves......*sigh*

You're welcome! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img] Religion is always a touchy subject, and it's best to tread lightly around it. Keep it as short, simple and sweet as possible, and end the conversation on a positive note. I know you can do it!!

Let us know how it goes---I'm really curious!
Good luck!

[grelvia]

Good luck with this, I'm sure it must be tough. I was in the same boat for a long time and when someone would talk about religion, I would listen and say thank you for everything you are saying and trying to dobut I need to believe and find myself on my own. I would be as polite as possible and explain my opinion. It never ended in bad terms. You just have to be honest and grateful that they care enough to try and 'help' you.

[tcsarah]

I would do as the others have said - thank her for her thoughts, but explain you really are happy and content in your beliefs. I really don't think people should try and thrust their beliefs on to others, but some people (like your boyfiend's sister)really do think they are doing the right thing trying to 'save' those that don't believe. She thinks she is doing the right thing and showing that she cares. Try and handle things diplomatically and if things get a bit heated, just say you really don't want to fall out about it, and lets agree to differ.


I believe in God but don't follow any religion and only go to church for weddings, christenenings and funerals. My fiance and a lot of my friends don't believe in God but we respect each others viewsand just agree to believe in different things, we never preach to each other.


I hope things go ok and nobody ends up upset! Good luck!

[donna1216]

That is really hard. I am a CHristian, but my youngest sister is an atheist. My kids believe as well, and they, being 4 & 6 just don't grasp the concept of atheism (which for me, is good [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]), but they make little innocent comments at Christmas and Easter time about Jesus and she will cough "nonsense" or something, and I have asked her to stop that. I don't push my beliefs on her and I have asked to stop contradicting the beliefs that I have taught my girls and to respect their faith, and it has worked. Of course, as a Christian you do always hope that people who don't believe, someday will. Maybe you can just ask her to respect you as you have gone to church, and have some knowledge, but you need to discover for yourself what is right for you, if she does try to corner you on Monday!!! Good luck!!! Just be kind, I know when talking about religion it is difficult to stay calm and rational. If you don't go into any theological discussions, then you will be ok, keep it about your opinion, not trying to prove each other wrong!

[shiva]

Religion (or lack there of) is such a personal thing. I can't grasp the concept of trying to convert someone- or telling them their lack of faith made me sad. It has nothing to do with me. I think I would react by thanking her for her concern but letting her know that you are fine with your choices and unless you come to her asking for help or advice about religion or God, you would prefer she kept her comments to herself.

[hippychick]

My Grandmother claims she is a Christian. She used to think that because I was never christened etc that I wasn't being raised right. I really have such issues with her, not over religion but to do with the fact she is an evil old bat She blamed my mother for my fathers death and threatened my mum she would take us kids away from her. At a time that she should have been the most supportive she was nothing but cruel and spiteful. As a result I don't see her anymore.

Anyway she would always try and push her faith onto me and preach to me. For one christmas she bought me a subscription to a religious magazine to try and "convert" me.

I am an atheist and it is a choice that I made and it's a personal choice. I deeply respect anyone with faith. I find that trying to tell people that their choice to have religion in their life is "nonsense" is just as disrespectful as someone trying to tell me my life is less so for not having that. Even if they are doing it for the best and most loving reasons.

Be polite and thank her for her concern but tell her firmly that you have made your choice in life but that if you did want to ask anything further you are pleased she will be there for you.



Edited by: hippychick

[1scareddj]

[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]Thank you everyone for your input. It is such a touchy subject....and I hope that nothing I said offended anyone. But like I said, me being atheist (I hope I'm using that word in the right context) is a personal choice...I have some really big issues with Christianity (which we wont get into) and that I haven't always been this way but the older I got the more I had questions and when my questions could NOT be answered I had to rethink some things.


I want to assure her that I am not "lost" or "lacking" anything in my life and I am happy without "god" and the "bible". I guess the fact that she said that she was "sad" is what is really bugging me...like why should MY personal beliefs make HER sad?? I don't get it....I don't send her things about why she SHOULDN'T believe in god and tell her that I am "sad" that she believes in such things.


With all that being said, I would NEVER EVER critcize someone's beliefs/religion. Growing up my best friend was Jewish....she and her whole family had hebrew names and everything. Anytime someone would make fun of her for being Jewish (or when someone would say 'oh that's so Jewish) I would stand up for her and defend the fact that she was Jewish because I respected her as a person and she was very passionate about her beliefs and I found it wrong for people to ridicule or judge her based on what she believed. I mean, she was my best friend!


She now lives with her boyfriend in Milwaukee and I got a holiday picture card from them and he is christian so In the background of the picture there is a Christmas tree AND a Manorah(sp?) and it made me happy that she found someone who is accepting of her religion.


Sorry about my little tangent. LOL I just thought it was quite ODD that she would send me something like that out of the clear blue...and be "sad" for me.....I will for sure let everyone know what happens!


You all are the best...and thank you for not judging me!

[crimgoddess]

Man, I get that all the time.


I wholeheartedly agree with Marx when he says "religion is the opiate of the masses"- I got forced into the church thing, the sacraments, and all that meaningless (for me) stuff when I was too young to object, but when I went through puberty and developped a backbone, I finally said enough is enough.


The problem is, my dad's side of the family is very religious- they have already asked when Chris and I are going to register at the church to be married (yeah, like I am getting married under a dead guynailed toa cross), and I "know" as soon as we have kids they are going to start asking about baptism and all that stuff.


I don't get how they think I don't have the right to object to their choice of religion (which I don't- I have sat through many a church wedding, prayer before meal, baptism, etc- keeping my opinion to myself because it really isn't any of my business)- but they feel that since I don't have one, it is perfectly okay to attempt to badger me into the "right" (according to them) choice.


LOL- so this turned into a bit of a rant. I just want to say that I totally feel your pain. I don't get the double standard on how it's perceived as okay for someone to question a non-believer's choices, or even feel "sad" for them (that to me is almost condescending)- but if the situation were reversed, it would be inappropriate.


*shrug*


Happy Festivus- for the rest of us.


*amber*

[Galadriel]

Yeah this is a toughie.
I am a Christian, but I do not hold with trying to shove down other's throats your belief system. In my opinion that just makes people even more not want to touch your religion with a 10 foot pole.

I figure that if someone wanted to talk to me about it or ask me about it, then that is fine I'll talk, but I don't hold with trying to make others believe as I do. It is a decision everyone must come to themselves.

Well, if she brings it up like what you thought of it and such, just tell her how you feel about it, and how you dont believe as she does. I hope it works out ok!

[5cats]

I also think being polite but honest is the way to go. My husband
is an atheist and a preacher's kid (that contributed to the atheism!)
and I consider myself more of a theist/Christian. The whole
converting thing tends to create a lot of stress because it becomes
hard to deal with people who are told that they have to convert people
in order to save them.

There are just so many different religions that I find it amusing that
people are so certain that theirs' is the "right" one. I've
always seen different religions as ways to discover an entity that
might be out there, filtered through cultural lenses.
Unfortunately, religion has also been used quite effectively as a tool
to control people as well as support imperialistic and exploitative
policies and to deny science and progress. When kept on a
personal level or used by ordinary people for their own benefit (as
opposed to using it to support the wealthy, for example), it tends to
be a more positive force for social change.

[marieb73]

This is a situation that has little chance of anyone escaping without hurt feelings. An ex of mine was agnostic but his brother and his borther's wife were born again Christians. I am Jewish. They would regularly attempt to "witness" to us both and often would tell me they were praying for me to "come home to Christ". At first i just blew it off but then i started getting mad because they had no respect for my beliefs. It ended up being an ugly fight and a major sore spot for us all.


The best advice I can give you is this: thank her for the CD and reassure her that though your beliefs (or lack of) may be unsettling to her, you are quite comfortable in those beliefs. And let her know you appreciate her concern but it is not necessary and you really do not think that discussions of religion are appropriate and could sow some bitter seeds between you two.

[katsamsmom3]

i am a Christian and i am not for one to push religion down anyones throat...or put people down for there beliefs.


My crap stinks too.


It is not my job to judge people and there lifestyles