keeping kids home

[sheri-baby]

i notice that a lot of mom's here keep their kids home as much as possible, keep friends from coming over, don't eat out, and so on...i'm just wondering how do you guys get away with that? what do you teel your husband and kids?...do you tell your kids that no one can come over because they might be sick, might get you sick?...i'm just wondering, because i force myself to let my kids try to have sort of a normal life....i am really scared for us to eat out (i never do, pretty much) but with family and my husband, we have no choice....but even though i wish i could keep my kids in a bubble locked in our little home.....it's not right!!!...it trouble'sme to read how many of you guys do this..i do understand, believe me, i am more afraid of my kids v* than anything else, but please try to let kids be kids....this phobia is so horrible, it breaks my heart to hear all of us mom's scared to let our kids do normal things...everyone take care, and stay well[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[madisonsmom]

I let my kids go places. As much as I hate the fact that sickness is out there I still let my kids be kids. I do homeschool but not because of emet. We are members of our local homeschool associaton and do many activites like field trips, study groups etc to keep them interacting socially.


Not only do they need to get out...I need the break[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[sheri-baby]

one more question, my husband and my parents and his parents always take the kids out to eat...it drives me crazy!!...how do you get out of that, what do you tell your husband?...i try my best to make excuses to eat at home....my mom is always suggesting to take the kids to chuck e cheese, swimming pools, malls, it's like an emet mom nightmare between the two parents and my husband..i'm in this alone, sometimes i wish i were a single parent so i could make the rules, but like i said, we have to let the kids do normal things

[calibmom24]

My kids get out alot. They live totally normal lives most of the year. They know about my fear and why we don't go to Chuck E Cheese and McDonalds playland this time of year. Even though I am a crazy girl my kids are happy well adjusted kids. We just don't do too many big group things at this time of year.

[christianne]

When my son first started school almost 5 years ago, I was so terrified he'd get sick I never let him go on playdates or take him to places like Chuck E. Cheese and so forth. Then I noticed he was very shy in school and didn't play with the other kids. It broke my heart to see him sitting all by himself at the table while all the other children were playing. So I started inviting other kids to my house to play, took him to their birthday parties, and even hosted a sleepover one night (yikes!). Now my son, at 9, is very popular and outgoing in school and I couldn't be happier.

We go out to eat alot, we go to movies and bowling---we do all that stuff. I do not want him to miss out on the fun of being a kid because of me. Plus, I always find that I don't worry as much about things if we're out and about rather than sitting at home.

[suze]

My kids have normal "non-emet" lives. They go out, eat out, travel etc. There's nothing I don't let them do just because I have a fear of v*. I do worry sometimes but I don't think it's fair to hold them back just because of my fears.

[worrygirl]

We eat out ALL the time. We go to the movies, bday parties, we live at the pool in the summer. I just make sure my dtr washes her hands before eating when we do those things (I'm pretty lax at the pool with the chlorine and all). Chuck E Cheese grosses me out but we go time to time. One place I will absolutely not go is the indoor play at McDonalds. I draw the line there. I admit I'm constantly worried about sv but I want my dtr to have a great childhood. In fact, we're going to a friend's for dinner tonight so the kids can play.

[surfjunkie]

I try so hard not to let my emet. ruin my kids' lives, too. In one of my last posts, I wrote something about not wanting to have other kids to my house, but I wrote that in a panic moment. I am thrilled, because my son got to go to his best friend's house all day today, and my daughter was able to have her best friend over for the better part of the afternoon. This time of year just opens me up to more panic moments. Even if I might be anxious about it, I still try really hard to let them do all of the normal "kid" things.

Worrygirl, I am like you...We eat out, at least once a week, go to movies, bday parties etc. And I am the same, just make sure that my kids wash their hands before eating. And I am also like you with Chuck E. Cheese...and McDonalds. I just tell my kids that it is a germ-fest. [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

Most of the time, if I have an issue with my emet. and my kids doing something, I blame it on my schedule or my list of things to do...I try not to make them aware of the emet. reason.

[worrygirl]

I worry more about my dtr getting sv from school more than anything. She knows to wash before eating andnot to touch her mouth, etcbut ......kids are kids. I too was in panic mode (after reading all the posts) and said I did not want anyone to come over. But that was then and it's a new day now. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me.

[sheri-baby]

yeah....i know it's the hardest thing to let them be kids...but i just make sure, when i'm there, that they wash their hands.....worry girl, my 2 kids have never got sv's from school, even though that's what makes me worry the most!....well you guys all prety much deal with your kids the same way as i do, except i have my hubby, mom and inlaws who are always taking them out to eat and malls and chuck e cheese...i wonder if we keep them in a bubble if that would lower their defenses?.....maybe all this handwashing is a bad thing!!...i never washed my hands when i was growing up, neither did my mon, or really no one did, and you would hear of someone with an sv once in a great while, and when they get it, v* maybe 1 or 2 times...now it's like v* violently for hours or days!!! everyone who catches nowadays says they've never been that sick.....i think were all keeping too clean!Edited by: sheri-baby

[worrygirl]

As a kid, I washed my hands after using the restroom and before eating at home (my mom made me) butI didn't wash at school all growing up and I was rarely ill except forsinus problems and the occasional strep throat. It's wierd how now everyone is encouraged to wash and look at the sv* going around. The past two times my dtr had sv* she picked it up at school but then there was a time last year when it was going around her school and she didn't get it. It's such a gamble!

[surfjunkie]

I am lucky because my inlaws are all major germophobes. (Not
necessarily emet.) They are freaks with the Purell and hand
washing. It is kind of amazing to watch my mil when she goes to a
restaurant...So, I know that when my kids are with any of them, they
are probably better with overall hygiene than I am. (I don't
necessarily worry if my fork touches the table.



I have tried to teach my kids to wash their hands everytime they use
the bathroom and before they eat. My 8 year old son is becoming
very responsible about it. I put a little Purell bottle or a
handi-wipe in his lunch box. When they were coming home unused, I
asked him about it and his response was, "I was my hands in the
bathroom right before lunch, mom." And I believe him! As
for my 5 year old daughter, she is a bit more lax. She is
learning, but often forgets. I just try to remind her while she
is at school to be sure to wash her hands before eating anything.
She is in 1/2 day kindergarten, so she doesn't eat lunch there,
yet. And, on snack days, (Fridays), I am usually there to
volunteer in her classroom and can remind her.



They also know that the minute we walk in the door from being ANYWHERE,
the first thing that we ALL do is wash our hands. I am so much
more aware of it now, than when I was younger.

[californiagirl]

I homeschool my daughter, and am ashamed that emet is PART of the reason, BUT there are a few other PREVAILING reasons why I do so, having nothing to do with emet. The situation works best for her for several reasons, and that's what's important. HOWEVER, we do go out and do plenty of things and she does interact with other teens. What we do make ssure of,, is that she carries hand sanitizer and keeps her hands clean, so we are not excessive at all, just careful.


Also, she travels all summer. she goes to Pennsylvania and Wyoming by plane, and whilke she's visiting relatives she goes out to dinner and lots of other activities. She just uses h. sanitizer and all is well. She always takes tons of pictures and my sisters love having her for long summer visits. When i hear how much fun she has and see all of the great pics they all take, I could not imagine holding her back from any of her fun. I'm so happy that she enjoys herself, and she loves it

[gubba]

I post so rarely but I do try and post when it is about our kids. My son lives a 100% normal life and I can ruin mine any possible way inside, but I will NEVER allow him to not have a great childhood. He goes to school and loves it. He has dozens of friends and I even let a few come over. I panic inside on occasion, but I will admit that I have gotten so much better with my EMET with a little therapy and a lot of self examination. our kids deserve a life outside of this phobia and I would rather die than have my son be an EMET. We fly, even at this time of year. We go to indoor playgrounds and eat out. We go to parks, school events and everything in between and YES, I do have internal EMET thoughts, but I keep them to me and I use GERM-X when we get done playing on the playgrounds, I tell him to wash before we eat and he knows not to put his hands in his eyes, mouth or nose. We use common sense and we LIVE!!! We are not obsessive with anything, but when we eat, we ALWAYS wash and we sing Twinkle Twinkle while we wash so that it is long enough to wash and thankfully, we have had a few colds, nothing major and he had more SV's when he was home as an infant. Go figure!

[shiva]

Like many things we discuss on here, I think how we parent is another thing that is very personal. Who can say which is more damaging to a child? Missing a birthday party or public school experienceor having a mother (or father) who is a complete and noticable wreck because of letting their kids do stuff outside of their comfort zone. We do what we can do. We all love our kids. Just because one person can handle letting their kids live a kind of life that another person cannot doesn't mean there is selfishness or less love there. We do what we can do. From what I see we are all present in our children's lives and our children all know they are loved.


My parents didn't have emetophobia. Yet my childhood was pretty f***ed up. My mom never got out of bed to help me when I was sick. (my older sister did, though) Once my mom even yelled at me for vomiting in my bed because she wasn't in the mood to do the laundry. We weren't allowed to be involved in activities outside of school either because my mom didn't want to drive us or because she didn't want to spend the money. And again- this was just selfishness. I would venture to say that most people have their quirks. We are only human. I would hate for anyone to read this and beat themselves up for the kind of parent they are, because I know we all do our best.


And I realize that this isn't at all the reason why the post was started either. No one wants anyone here to feel inadequate. (at least i hope not).For the most partI can completely handle 'normal life' where my daughter is eating out, staying at friends houses, having friends over, going to the pool, cedar point, going on familyvacation, having a great day in school, being involved in band and chior, eating junk food and spending the day with her aunt at the dirty ass mall. And then there are days where (without really saying why and with the exception of school or sports and school activities where people are relying on her) I just say 'no, not today'. Because I realilze that if I let her go do this thing, whatever it might be- that I will become a wreck. I will be nervous, will not sleep, this will give me a temper and life at home will suffer because of it. So, I just say no and that is that. It doesn't happen often, but I know it's okay when it does. And for anyone else on here who has to say no to this kind of stuff, it's okay. Keeping kids home when you need to or not letting others over is not what ruins a person's childhood. There are also days when I want to say no, but I'm feeling rather strong and decide to challenge myself so I say yes and let my daughter go eat at crappy Mc Donalds with her friend. (yuk) And to be honest and not at all ashamed of it, there are days when I come right out and say 'sweetie, my anxiety is really just too high to have people over today, but when I am feeling better we will invite them'. If my daughter thinks I am ashamed of myself, then she will feel that her family is dysfunctional. And it just is what it is, you know? I'm not afraid to be honest with her from time to time. I am what I am. No mother or person is perfect.


My point is just that much like many other issues that parents face daily, I think most of the mommies and daddies here are trying their best to do what is in the best interest of their children. Remember that some people on here have no support system what so ever. When their kids wind up sick, it's solely up to them to take care of it. It's just a personal decision. And I really don't think that Charles Manson turned out the way he did because he had a loving mommy who was afraid of vomit so she didn't let him go out and eat a hamburger. Know what I mean?

[californiagirl]

Great points SHIVA!![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[daffodil]

Oh wow, Shiva. You have made some excellent points, and I couldn't agree with you more! I do my best as a mom, and some days I just don't have it in me to take the kids on an outing, or have friends over to play. But that does not mean that my kids are deprived of social interaction. They visit with their grandparents and other relatives almost every chance we get, and once in a while they get to go to McDonalds and get a Happy Meal (ugh).
I know that I keep them home a lot, but I do not necessarily think that it is detrimental to them. I am working on myself, and the way I see it, once I get better with this phobia, they will have more opportunities to go out, but at this point, I'm doing all I can, and I don't beat myself up about it.
How do I 'get away with it'? Well, my kids are 3 and 19 months, so they are still pretty young. My husband and I will likely homeschool, which I know is not a popular choice with a lot of people, but we have many personal reasons for this decision, having very little to do with emet, and everything to do with our particular children, as well as our experiences with school as children, and the educational choices in our area. I would be lying if I said that my emet doesn't play a part in that decision, but hey, there are worse things than to be homeschooled. I went to public school as a young child, and was completely miserable (and no- I wasn't emet for most of that). I have learning difficulties in a few areas, and that, coupled with some crappy teachers who should not have been teaching, made my days very unpleasant. My mom and dad still made me go. Were they right?
Forcing me to go to 'normal' school didn't make me any more 'normal', and I don't believe that forcing myself to be a 'normal' mom will make it so, either. I am, however, a loving mom, and my kids are happy and healthy.

[sheri-baby]

well i started this post because i am one of those mom's that try to get out of so many things that my kids want to do because of this phobia, and i feel so terrible because of it...i kind of was asking how others got out of things or what excuses they told their kids and stuff like that....it just makes me so sad to read other mothers keeping their kids home away from the outside world because of emet....i in no way was judging any one as a parent, especially since i am guilty of this myself.....thank you for your post shiva...but i was hoping to give some encouragment to the moms out there that keep their kids in 24/7...i don't know how my post sounded like i was making anyone feel inadequate......

[worrygirl]

I think it was a great post to let other moms who may be struggling see that they are not alone. There are many times my anxiety is very high but my dtr does not know whatI'm battling inside. Even though we still maintain a high level of socialization, I have noticed I struggle more in the winter months and dreary days add to it.

[sheri-baby]

thank you worrygirl...well said!

[shiva]

Oh crap Sheri! I totally did not mean to come across that way. I appreciate encouraging posts on here. We definitely all need to do our best to challenge ourselves when we can. I am really sorry if I came across as harsh to you or anyone else. I was just concerned that if someone who was feeling really low read the post in the direction it was heading (not where it began), that they might feel inadequate as an emet mommy and the thought of that made me sad. I was pretty much just adding to what you were saying, but kind of giving another perspective to people who can't quite get themselves to that point yet. (me, most of the time I wasn't at all looking for a debate or anything like that.

[trixie]

My kids live their lives as much as any other non emet children. The only difference is i don't do the same things. I.e in summer i can't stay away from the house - i've tried it and it stresses me out too much worrying about toilets etc., so, my hubby takes them camping with his family. I never stop them doing anything, its just some things i can't join in with, even though sometimes i really, really try.