I’m heartbroken....

[jandub]

So tonite my eight and a half year old son drank a lot of chocolate milk, and v*. It was over so quickly, and he was fine after, but he is displaying so many signs of emet. I am so devastated. I suspected this, but tonite he really showed me. He was scared, and he paced. I thought I was the only one who paced. I could see it in his face, he was there, that place we all hate more than anything. He hates it so much that he will v*while pacing, and not even try to make it to the toilet, because, like me, he is in damn denial that it will happen. So my question is, what do I do? I feel like taking him to therapy to nip this in the bud, but I don't mind admitting there will be some pride swallowing there because I will have to tell them where he gets it. I would do it though. Or do I act non-chalant about it, hoping he will adopt that attitude? I don't want to push him into something, yet I do not remember my emet coming on quite that early in age. I'm so scared, I feel so alone because no one knows about my emet, no one at all. My husband knows I don't like to do it, but he has no clue. Not even my best friend since childhood, but I'm thinking of telling her soon. He has done pretty well whenever he has gotten a sv, I mean he cries right before he v*, but he doesn't seem too panicked to me at that point. Of course he did tonite. Then afterward, he said, "I don't feel like eating anything.....ever." Then he told me he was scared to v*. I asked my other son if he was scared, and he shrugged his shoulders and said "eh." He's so laid back. What do I do here? I see me in him, and I'm not proud of that. It must be a genetic thing because I always take care of them when they're sick, although I'll admit my nerves are probably showing a little bit. Would that do it? I feel like saying something crazy, like its a curse. I'm so sad right now. Please give me your advice. What do I do here........Janna

[tcsarah]

I understand how you must be feeling. I started with full blown emetophobia at around seven/eight years old, and had always hated it as far back as I remember. My mistake was I never told anybody about it - I bottled all these feelings up and never spoke a word about it not even to my mum who would have understood as she suffered phobias herself (agorophobia being the worst). This is just from person experience and what I would do - I would encourage your son to talk about his feelings, show him how supportive you are, tell him you understand, and that he must not worry as together you will make everything ok. Then I would speak to your son's doctor and think about counselling/therapy - I think you are right when you say try and nip it in the bud. The longer we live with these fears and anxieties, the more ingrained they get.


The other thing I wanted to say is do not blame yourself for this. I can tell you are a loving mum who wants the absolute best for her children, if your son has learnt this behaviour from you, it isn't your fault. I'm sure you have tried your best to conceal your fears from him over the years. I also think anxiety conditions/depression and such like can be in your genes. My mum used to suffer from bad depression and anxiety (I say 'used to' as she died when I was eighteen) and my dad suffers with his nerves and depression too - I didn't really stand a chance! I have the lot - depression, anxiety, phobias. I also became quite debilitated with agorophobia from the age of around eleven, maybe learnt beaviour from my mum but mot likely just because it's in my genetic make-up to be prone to panic. If I did learn this behaviour because of seeing how scared Mum was just to go the local shops, I do not for one minute blame her, as I'm sure your son would never blame you.


I do definitey recommend confiding in your husband or/and best friend, you will feel so much better. I kept my emetophobia a secret until I was in my early twenties, as I felt like such a misfit! Then I discovered there were others that felt the same way as I do, and didn't fee like a weirdo anymore! I started telling close friends and family and now I tell anybody and it's like a great weight has lifted! Bottling things up is never good.


Anyway I've babbled on long enough! Please keep us updated with how your son is doing. Take care.

[surfjunkie]

My sil is dealing with the same exact thing. She is emet. and now her 8 year old daughter is showing classic signs and not doing well. She talks about it all day long. She mentions every little sensation that she is feeling in her belly. She is afraid to poop for fear that it will be d* and she will be s*. Right now, they are treating it as non-chalant as possible. But, they are concerned and are hoping to nip it in the bud asap.

The only thing that I see that is a good thing, is that she is TALKING about it. I suffered in silence for a very long time. The fact that the kids are able to express themselves is good. We can help by giving them some strategies now to build upon so that they aren't in their 30's still letting it run their lives (like me!)

I have confided in everyone I know and it helps. I even mentioned it to my own 8 year old son in a kid sort of way...kind of like, you know how some people are afraid of the dark? Well, v* sometimes makes me nervous. At the time that I talked to him about it, I was of very rational mind, so I could really down play it. I have tried to find a good opportunity to talk to my niece about it.

Here is another thought that I have...I believe that everything happens for a reason...I think that maybe the reason that we suffer from this crummy phobia, is so that we can help someone else......

[glitta_fairy]

I know this sounds really stupid and obvious- but I wish someone had done this for me when I was young- talk to him about it. Explain what happens inside your body when you v*, that it's normal, and that it'll make him feel better to do it sometimes. Tell him he doesn't need to be afraid of it and that (I hate to say this being emet, but...) that no-one likes to v*. I wish wish wish someone had told me it was ok to v* when I was little. The first time that idea was brought up I was about 13- and already severely emet. When I was a kid I internalised my problems and tried to work most things out for myself- and didn't always do it very well... Maybe confronting this early will help your son. I think getting his negative feelings about v* out now before he becomes an adult is definitely a good thing.Maybe he could talk to a councellor about it so he can hear a perspective from outside the family??


Most importantly don't feel bad hun-with your guidance and support you'll be able to help him overcome his bad feelings about it without it becoming a problem.


Kayla

[samara's on tv]

Well for most of my life I was just afraid of other people vomiting. It's only been a few years since I've been afraid of myself doing it. When I was a kid I still hated to vomit but I rarely ever did it cause whenever my sister was sick (which was a lot) I would stay away from her. I remember running out of the room and screaming when she would throw up. My parents always told me I was being silly, they would even LAUGH at me. They still do laugh at me because of it. But NO one in my family is an emet and I still have it, so I don't think it's genetic or even the way you are raised, it's just probably an anxiety thing. Anyway take everyone elses advice and talk to him about it, cause I know my parents never tried to talk me down.


~Monica

[susie_q]

I am a bad emet and my daughter, who is 9 has it too. Hers developed after she got a sv in June. It started affecting her at school, as she started calling me to come pick her up. The panic in her voice just devastated me and nothing I would say seemed to help. I tried not letting on that I had this fear, but she obviously picked up on it.


I had to take her to counseling as it was getting in the way of her school and she wasn't eating. I also can't bear to watch her go through what I went through and still go through. We actually have only been to 5 sessions, but she is already much better. The psychiatrist just talked to her about why she was so afraid and what is the worse that could happen. Then, she talked about what happens within your body when it happens, and went over what causes viruses. She still talks about it, but is not obsessed about it. She now obsessively washes her hands though.


I really think it counseling is a good idea.