traumatizing 24 hours.

[teh_fox]

hi i'm new to this forum but i've been emetophobic since i can remember.

i get really nasty panic attacks whenever my stomach hurts. i'm sure
you know what that's like. thank god you guys understand since no one
else does. anyway, i get pretty shaky, like tremors.



so the last time i actually v*, i had such a bad panic attack afterwards that i had to be sedated with ativan.



GRAPHIC:

i commute into new york city every day by bus. well, this has always
made me paranoid but a few months ago i sat next to a small asian girl.
the bus pulled out and she leaned over and v* into a bag! i FREAKED
OUT. i leaped from the seat and ran to the back of the bus, where a kid
from my town pulled me into his seat and saved me and calmed me down. i
panicked for 3 days after that . i obsessed over if she had an sv or
motion sickness. it was awful. i'm SO PARANOID on the bus now, i break
out in hives.



my boyfriend of almost 2 years got extremely drunk on my birthday last
year (i dont drink) and v* when i was driving him home. i leaped out of
the car (dangerous dangerous move... seriously! i could have killed
us!) but was so scared and he jumped out and ran down the road and it
was just the worst experience of my life. then a few months later he v*
in my basement drunkenly, didn't tell me & attempted to clean it
up. it's horrible!!!



anyway so last night there was a party. i'm a bartender and i've really
learned to detect when someone is going to v* (though i have yet to see
it at the bar, the second i do i'll probably quit) my boyfriend did
shots of vodka, tequila, jager & drank beer. that is a bad
combination. he convinced me to let him stay at my place but i refused
to sleep in the bed with him because i'm paranoid. so he fought with me
and said "well fine then, you sleep on the couch if you really think
i'm gonna v*! even if i did, i'd do it in the bathroom" so i got
blankets and crashed on the couch. 45 minutes later i heard
crashing around in my room. he came downstairs and goes "don't go up
there." and i asked "did you?" he said "yes, right in front of your
door" so i flipped s***. like seriously, panic attack, trembling, n*,
it was s***ty! i had him driven home after he cleaned it up (not by me,
by a friend who was willing to get up at 5 am!) but i couldn't sleep
till 7 am because i was shaking so bad.



so today i made him suffer. i yelled & screamed & mopped my
floor with bleach. i had a stomach ache allllll day from the stress. so
to cool off tonight, i went to my friend eric's house. he always
comforts me. he got me to eat an english muffin since i hadn't eaten
(for fear of v* because my tummy hurt) so after about a half hour
there, i was watching his brother play video games. he has 4 brothers
and i was with the 10 year old & the 16 year old. the 10 year old
suddenly gets up and washes his hands in the bathroom. then leans over
the open toilet WITH THE DOOR OPEN . immediately i vacated the room
yelling, beginning to panic but also thinking he's joking since i had
just talked about my boyfriend's v* episode. nope. not joking. THE KID
SERIOUSLY V*!!! so the 16 year old brother goes "kait, dont come back
down here. he ate a pack of grape gum even though he's not supposed to
and that's why he's sick." i grabbed my keys and sprinted away. i can't
believe my safe haven turned into a hell hole!!! WHY! either way, now
i'm afraid it was an sv and have been compuslively washing myself to
try to not get it in case it is. it's so ironic because i was so upset
about last night that i tried to seek comfort and BAM, more v*!!!
honestly, how much can i take in one day?





now my stomach is killing me from the stress. i seriously can't stop
panicking. it's horrible! what if i get sick! AH! i'm so scared that i
can't lay down. i also can't sleep in my room because my boyfriend v*
there last night so i have to sleep on my couch again!





i just don't know how to handle this anymo

[jandub]

Oh man, I'm so sorry this happened to you. That is crazy!!! But, you have to think that its entirely probable that none of those v* incidents had anything to do with sv*. I think in a few days you'll feel better, because it'll be further from your mind. Can you distract yourself to keep yourself busy for awhile? Is there anyone you can talk to? It sounds like you have a good friend (Eric) who will listen, and of course you have this site and us to talk to! Hang in there! Janna

[susie_q]

OMG, that is horrible. No wonder you are panicing. However, you are going to be fine. I know it is hard to understand that people can v* at the drop of hat, but they can. There are so many people that get a stomach ache and just v* to try and make themselves feel better. I am sure that you were dealing with people with other problems than the sv so you have nothing to worry about. I also know how stressful it is to see others do it. Believe me, I hatehaving to deal with others v*too, but it happens and you will get through it.


I understand what you are going through, but you will be fine. Like Janna said...hang it there!

[sqil30]

I feel so bad for you! I don't think any of this was due to an sv*. I know your stomach hurts sweetie, but you're going to be fine. Its just your anxiety kicking in thats all, and I know its very scarey. Try to keep busy it'll take your mind off of things! *HUGS*

[justfyne23]

hey, i sympathize with what u are going through, it feels like all week someone has been complaining about their stomach, or how their kid was sick, a girl v* at work on friday and stayed the rest of the day!!! i was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS...GO HOME!!! i get very panicky when i know someone is sick or was sick with a sv* breathe, in through ur nose for a count of seven and out slowly for a count of 8 or 9, do that a couple of times with ur eyes closed and think, i am not alone...i am not alone...love, mel

[ginger_saves]

weird, I was typing and everything vanished! Anyway, I wanted to say I am SOOO sorry you are going through this. It sounds like a nightmare, but we are here for you if you need to vent more. In the meantime, just do lots of chores for distraction,and take ginger root pills/ginger tea if necessary. That helps the tummy. Myself,I do take meds for my anxiety and they seem to help but beforemeds I would try and do things to distract me.If this is consuming you really badly, you should seea doctor asap because you sound like it's really rough on you lately.