New comer - irrational fears

[poppycat]

Hi, I am new to this site, but have already found comfort in knowing I am not alone in how I feel.
I am 22 years old and at the moment a complete wreck. I have such a fear of being sick and fear others being sick even more. I worry that if I get a bug, my husband will get it and I wont be able to cope. I feel so irrational, but when I know there are sickness bugs going round, I just want to hide away at home and shut myself off from the rest of the world. I suffer with chronic anxiety too, which doesn't help and for the past year have been nauseated most days. I drive my husband mad as I always worry about being physically sick. I have next to no appetite and have lost a lot of weight, because of this. It is so hard to explain to my family but thankfully, my parents couldn't be more supportive. I cant believe how it can affect so many aspects of life! I have had to give up my job and I very rarely go out now. I wont eat out incase I get ill and don't drink alcohol.
Sorry this is so long winded. [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] It's hard trying to write a small amount when you feel so down about it and for once I have found people who have same feelings!
Thank you for reading.

[tcsarah]

Hi! Welcome to the site! I know exactly what you are going through including the not wanting to go out. I am a lot better with this phobia than I used to be, but at it's worst I used to avoid so many social occasions and missed out on so much for years as I was just too afraid to leave home. I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, which was mainly caused by a fear of being sick in public. I too am frightened when others are sick even if they are ill because of being drunk or something else that I wouldn't be able to catch. To me it doesn't matter what caused it, it still scares me.

Don't ever lose hope of getting over this phobia, many people have done it. One of the moderators of this site, Sage (read her story here:http://www.emetophobia.org/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=13 973&PN=1) is one such success story. I have found medication to be a life saver for me. Have you ever considered therapy? Do you take meds? If not a really recommend going to see your doctor and explaining how restricted your life has become because of debilitating anxiety. S/he will probably recommend therapy and/or medication, which will be the first steps to conquering this phobia. Edited by: tcsarah

[poppycat]

Thank you for replying to me so quickly. I really appreciate all your comments.

I have practically lived at my doctors over the last year. I was on some anti-sickness tabs which did sort of help with my nausea, but they gave me restless legs! The doc keeps trying to get me to take anti-depressant tabs but i have tried them before and they made me so sick (side affects) that I have now developed a fear of them incase they make me ill.

It sometimes feels like i'll never just lead a normal life. I want children so badly but am so petrifide of morning sickness that I just cant do it. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

I will have a read of the website you mentioned.

[centipede]

Welcome. I can relate to your anxiety. My emetophobia wavers from mild to moderate. I didn't realize I was emetophobic until I found this website and it has helped me immensely.

Stick around. I think you'll find a comraderie here with understanding and sympathetic people going through the same emotions as you.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[katykins]

Thank you for replying to me so quickly. I really appreciate all your comments.

I have practically lived at my doctors over the last year. I was on some anti-sickness tabs which did sort of help with my nausea, but they gave me restless legs! The doc keeps trying to get me to take anti-depressant tabs but i have tried them before and they made me so sick (side affects) that I have now developed a fear of them incase they make me ill.

It sometimes feels like i'll never just lead a normal life. I want children so badly but am so petrifide of morning sickness that I just cant do it. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

I will have a read of the website you mentioned.

[katykins]

Woops,sorry,don't know how to quote yet,but i want to let you know i am the same exact way to a T as you are!! I read all these other posts from people who have had babies and really wonder how on earth can an emet get pregnant knowing what the side affects are,whether they say they had not v*,still was the fact that they did not know that at the time of conceiving.I mean,you get some folks here who post they're freightened of taking a certain med because of the side affects,but they can handle pregnancy??I just don't get it,maybe i never will.

[tcsarah]

I'm sorry you've had no success with meds. It took me a good few years to find ones that helped me. The first anti-depressants I took gave me horrible side-effects and didn't really help much with anxiety. I've had much success with seroxat but they give me terrible insomnia, although I've never been a good sleeper. I'm about to change over to citalopram next week to see if they help with the insomnia. I've tried all manner of therapies from more conventional ones like cognitive to more alternaive ones like hypnotherapy.

Have you considered or had therapy?

If it helps I've never known anybody actually be sick from taking anti-depressants. When you first take them you can feel a bit sickly as your body gets used to them, but it soon passes and it's never bad enough to make you actually sick especially an emetophobe. When you took the antidepressants did the nausea continue after your body had got used to them? Which ones were you on? Sorry if I'm asking too many questions!

[poppycat]

I have had some sessions with a holistic therapist, and he was good in helping me with some techniques to use when I get bad. He also tries to get me to see the positives rather than the negatives. The trouble is when I get a really bad day it is very hard to find positives, especially when all around me things seem to go wrong.

He has suggested some suppliments, that may help me on my nauseated days and also says Omega 3 is supposed to be good.

Anti-depressant wise, I have tried sertraline, citalopram, fluoxetine and he now wants me to try a different one. When I took them I was dizzy and felt so very very nauseated, that I cried all day worrying I was actually going to be bad.[img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] My family suggested I try taking the tablet before I went to bed, but it was just as bad, as I couldn't sleep and felt horrible.

I think a lot of it is probably in my head. Where I get anxious about situations, I probably make them seem worse than they are, but I'm so very afraid of being ill that I just want to avoid it at all costs.

[andee]

Hi poppycat,
You sound just like I used to be...and you have a good idea of what bothers you and how your mind works. Yes, your mind can totally influence how you feel, anxiety even tricks you into thinking you are ill, when you are NOT. My husband used to say how many times I was anxious and nothing happened, and being so good at math, he figured that it is like 99.9999% I was anxious and nothing happened ( I didn't get sick). And yet I spent ALLLL that time worrying and feeling gross. I am much better, with therapy, good support, and meds. I would say keep talking to the professionals, find someone you like who will listen and believe you, and maybe try meds again. I think you probably get so anxious while taking them that you sort of cause a lot of the symptoms. Ask about ones with very minimal side effects. Take care and good luck, and welcome!

[poppycat]

Thanks andee
It's so nice to know i'm not alone. Sometimes you feel like your going mad! My husband is always saying to me "how many times have you actually been bad" and i'm like "none" but there is always that worry that this time will be different. I seem to live with the vicious circles too. Like I will wake up nauseated and cant eat as i worry I will be poorly, yet the longer I don't eat the worse I feel because it become nausea through hunger. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img] I really hope I can eventually get some control over how I feel. I do avoid a lot of situations, that only a few years ago I would have been fine in.

[eeb1017]

Hey, I am in the same boat. I think that even though it is an irrationial fear it doesn't mean its a bad fear, or one we should be ashamed of. Its very difficult to have emet and the people you love not be affected. But i have come to realize that everyone has their own s*** if i may say so, or their own baggage. Its a part of life, and those that really love us and care for us will always help us through when we need it. Even if they act angry at the time, they are still there day in and day out with you. That is something i am thankful for, something it think about when i feel so down and pathedic. It sounds like your parents are helpful and your husband tries to be, which is good.
This thing we deal with isn't fun, but i think together, we all can eventually over come this terrible fear.
Good luck!

Erin

[andee]

poppycat, you definitely need to eat! I was hospitalized because of malnutrition and all the experts thought I was anorexic. So just try to eat all the "safe" foods for now. And do some relaxation or meditation exercises, and also do things that relax you, like a hot bath or a nap. Works for me. Take care...

[poppycat]

My family worry because I have lost a lot of weight, but I do eat and as you advised, I do eat the "safe" foods. Thankfully I love fruit and veg so I rely on them a lot, which I don't think is a bad thing, though it does make my bowels more regular (Sorry sharing that!!) [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img] I also take vitamins to make sure I'm not lacking in them and when I have really bad days, I have milk drinks like build up and complan, as they are designed for people with a poor appetite.

[kellygirl]

Welcome to the sight. I think that we all feel like we are going mad sometimes. My husband is not supportive at all and just doesn't understand (same with most of my inlaws) but my parents and ex-husband (baby's daddy) are very supportive and will do whatever is necessary to help me when needed.

I (unlike most of the people on this site) am not so much afraid of v*ing myself but of others -- I cannot and have not assisted or cared for my daughter (now 13) when she's been ill. At the first sign of illness she goes to my parents or her dads' house. I know this is avoidance but.... I CANNOT handle it AT ALL. I get severe panic attacks (hyperventilating, d*, n*, sweaty palms etc).

I have been to hypotherapy which did help SOME (according to my daughter) but it did not "cure" me of my phobia. Almost every day I wish I was afraid of something I could control -- heights or something (not that that is any less terrifying for the person with the phobia but you can USUALLY avoid heights -- can't unfortunatly avoid v*).

So don't feel anxious or guilty or crazy -- we are here for you and we all feel the same way as you do just to differing degrees....

[leia]

Hi poppycat. Welcome to the site. I'm so sorry that you suffer from this. I can relate to the wanting to hide when SV* are going around. SV are my single worst fear. If they could be eradicated from the world I would be ecstatic.

I have taken several anit-depressants and none of them have ever made me sick. Just tell you dr. your concerns and I'm sure they will start you on a small dose.

I can also relate to the hunger turning into n* thing. I definitely think that happens to me sometimes.

I have really found this site to be helpful and supportive. And comforting to know I'm not alone. I hope it helps you.

[sage]

Poppy,
Normally the side-effects such as dizziness, nausea or that "gross" feeling that accompany anti-anxiety meds only last a couple of weeks. Then you just feel normal and a heck of a lot better. Perhaps you can try the new meds and ask your doc for a powerful anti-emetic and/or even a tranqulizer (such as lorazepam) to help you get through the first couple of weeks. Then you should see some real improvement in your life.
I always recommend intensive therapy so that you can eventually wean off the drugs and head toward motherhood. Kids are great and well worth the effort to get better!

[poppycat]

I cant thank you all enough for your comments. Until I found this site I really did feel so alone, and it is nice to know that I'm not the only one in this situation.

Just out of interest, does anyone know of any natural anti-depressants? I have been researching but to no avail. I have some "new era tissue salt" tablets to help when I get nauseated (they only help if it's mild) and I have been looking into "good mood foods".

[tcsarah]

Co-enzyme Q 10 and St John's Wort are two natural remedies that are supposed to help with depression.

I think a lot of your nausea especially when you were taking the antidepressants would have been caused through anxiety. These days I am pretty much ok about myself v*ing if I'm at home but at one time I was terrified. At the time when I was scared even at home I would almost feel nauseous on a weekly basis and slight nausea would always turn into terrible nausea. I now realise this was 99.9% due to anxiety. Now on the very odd occasions I feel nauseous (like if I've eaten too much junk at Christmas) it doesn't freak me out so the nausea stays at a low level simply because anxiety hasn't kicked in and made me feel a whole lot worse!

I hope you manage to find something to help!

[poppycat]

It's definately a vicious circle. I'm the same where when I wake up feeling slightly nauseous, it ends up getting worse because I get anxious about being poorly, which in turn makes me feel worse! I'm having a day like that today, and I then don't want to eat, which again makes me feel worse. At least the sun is shining here! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]