I just found this forum and am so happy to see that I am not alone. My sister is also like this, but we thought we were the only ones. I have had this fear for a long time, but only recently have begun having anxiety attacks along with it.
This week two of my children were ill one evening and I had such a bad anxiety attack that I went to the ER in the middle of the night. My husband took care of the kids and I felt like such a bad mother, but I had to get out of there. I have alot of other stuff going on in my life right now that I felt the anxiety could be from that as well, but it was really triggered by the latest event.
I was given Xanax at the ER and went home and slept for a day. Now I'm back at work and feeling groggy, but okay. When I freaked out I wanted to die, but at the same time I didn't want to. I just wanted the situation to end. But I know with growing kids that it's going to keep happening so I've got to do something about it. My husband doesn't understand, he just yells at me when I get "that way."
Usually, I can take care of my kids, but I also have a prescription on hand for myself (albeit it's an old one from when I was pregnant, but it still works). Lately, my reaction has gotten worse each time. Like others, I will do anything to prevent myself from being s***. I have funny little things that I do, almost OCD. Handwashing is big and I always use my sleeve to open doors after washing my hands and before eating. I don't touch my food if I don't have to and if I eat french fries, I have a little pile of ends that I don't eat because that's where I touched them. But despite it all, it still happens.
Last fall was horrible (sorry), my whole family got food poisoning from McDonald's. I was the only one up all night taking care of all of them. I survived it somehow. Since then, I freak out. I have avoided eating McDonald's since then and will for the rest of my life. Burger King is already off the list from a couple years ago. And now Subway is off too.
The thing about me that most people don't seem to understand is that when I am N, it actually hurts. It hurts severely. I cry and moan. When I was pregnant and had m/s, I never v****. But I was N and it hurt like heck. The doctor recommended all kinds of things to try, but nothing helped until one kind nurse mid-wife finally understood and prescribed Zofran for me. It was a life saver. Each time in the past decade that I've been s***, I have had to go to the ER because I'm in such pain. My stomach clinches up and nothing will relieve it except some strong meds. I feel like this pain is part of my fear. When I explain that to people, they look at me like I have a third eye.
This is so irrational for me. Normally I am a logical rational strong person. I can handle other bodily fluids no problem. I can clean things up no problem.
I got a prescription for Ativan from the ER doc and was happy to see that it also has anti-emetic properties. But they really want me to to go my family doctor and get on something for depression and anxiety. I've never been on anything like that before, but I feel like I need something. Of course, I didn't admit to anyone about my phobia being related to the anxiety because I felt so stupid anyway.
Thank you all so much for being here and listening to me!
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