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  1. #1
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    I am 23 years of age, happliy married and studying for a degree at university, its only now that I can realise the extent of what I have been going through since my 21st Birthday. I have suffered an extreme form of anxiety disorder all centred around the fear of being sick.
    Perhaps, post traumatic stress disorder best discribes the experience....
    At 13, my older brother was diagnosed with cancer, the night I was told was when the fear of vomiting first hit me, A realsitic reaction to such devastating news, but from then a demon started to grow inside my head and I had no idea of the effect it would cause me.
    Every night I battled the physical symtoms of feeling sick, and felt triumphant aged 16 when I had my firts entire nights sleep without waking to feel sick.
    However, there were more incidents that combined to create the problems i have to face.
    My brother is now aged 26 and healthy and successful, and it wasnt until this happy stage that my problems really manifested. At aged 19 i witnessed a suicide, at aged 20 i nearly lost my dad in a traumatic event. Aged 21, 3 days fter my 21st birthday, I woke in the night feeling sick....i got out of bed, fainted and fell all the way down the stairs. I had at this point become a complete control freak, over everything in my life, the night i returned from the hospotal after the stairs incident, i knew everything had changed, for the worse. I couldnt sleep anymore.....at all. It took months of trying to shake these hidious feelings of being so afraid to go to bed. After almost 8 months of trying to soldier on (exhausted, depressed and scared) I noticed my hair was falling out. My family knew i wasn tmyself but it was a big awakening for me. From seeing the bald patch in my hair, within a week i was incapacitated by anxiety. I couldnt eat, sleep, think at all. I shed 4 stone in weight, drank a bottle of pepto bismol in 1 day, every day, I lived on the idea that if i controlled evertyhing, i wouldnt be sick. The emetophobia had manifested itself into a life and sole destroying monster. I couldnt leave the house, i lost my job lost my personality almost. My fiance stuck by me and my family were very supportive....
    it took 4 months of being of work before i could begin to think straight, but the anxiety had become ny best friend. I barely ate and when i did i was surveyed every charactersitc of my food, In the end i was the picture of malnurishment and ill health, i survived purely on stress.
    Almost a year later, i was bored, tired and needed my old self back, i decided to take a holiday with my best friend to a remote part of china. This is where everything changed. I had no medication as i was too afraid that the pills would make me ill, my GP supported my plan to conquer this myself, i knew it would be hard and if im honest, now that i am well i often feel very exhausted and remember just how much of me this took away.
    I had become petrified of going away from my parents house, i hardly ever travelled and i never ate. I also had an OCD for hand washing, using bleach at one point, almost 60 times a day.
    So, with my emaciated frame, bleeding hands and a pocket full of valium, i flew to hong kong. A suitcase full of air tight cereal bars and a heart full of fear, i did it. 3 weeks travelling around china with little access to hand washing material and very little food, i clensed my sole. At the top of the yellow mountain in china i promised myself I would learn to enjoy life.
    I returned home evn thinner, but the tiniest twinkle was back in my eyes. I had been back at work for 10 months by this point, and was feeling much stronger. 8 weeks later I married my fiance and now have a beautiful home in cornwall. I study at university and am doing very well.
    Its not all sweetness and light, my parents have a job to get me to actually spend time in my own house and i am soetimes very fearful of being ill away from home. I get feelings of anxiety from time to time, and live each day with a head full of

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    United States
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    This is an amazing story, thank you for sharing it. I can relate a lot to what you're saying. When I travel, I don't eat much at all. I don't use public transportation either. My fiance is supportive, but sometimes rolls his eyes when I won't go on a bus or subway. I am getting better. I find when I'm exercising a lot, and feel strong, I do much better with the anxiety part of Emet. I really must start exercising again on a daily basis. I even went to the horse racing track last weekend for the whole day....without anxiety! God, I wish I was normal..whatever that is/...
    Tami

  3. #3
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    im glad you find what I have said helpful, I still find reading other peoples experiences very helpful to me. It sounds like your making great progress, just don't forget to pat yourself on the back once in a while, you will be surprised how much it helps just giving yourself a break!
    Its great to know that other people dont read my story and think how mad or strange I am, we are all normal just in really different ways! Keep up the good work

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    2,934

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    Welcome to the site! Thanks for sharing your story! I'm wondering if there's some age it tends to be the worst, I was about 20 as well when it was the hermit, barely eating life for about a year. Anyhow, glad you're starting to enjoy and live life again! Your trip to China sounds amazing and absolutely life changing!
    \"As soon as you trust yourself,you will know how to live.\"
    Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
    \"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.\"
    Benjamin Franklin

  5. #5
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    thanks, your quotes are awesome, and also very true!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
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    4,577

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    What an incredible story of bravery, 1234! I pray that you can continue to work on conquering all your fear, and enjoying life to the fullest.

    Take care!
    For more info about emetophobia and treatment:

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    DISCLAIMER ~ Any advice I give on this forum is well-intentioned and given as to a peer or friend or for educational purposes. It does not in any way constitute psychotherapeutic or medical advice. Please discuss anything you may learn from my posts with your doctor and psychotherapist prior to making any decisions or changes or taking any actions.



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  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    United States
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    Your story is so encouraging! The past few months I've also been working my hardest to let go of all the stress and anxiety and just enjoy life and food. It feels like a rational adult version of myself is working 24/7 to tame a rowdy, tantrum-prone child version of myself. I know it isn't easy.

    But I'm totally inspired by your travel experience! I just decided now to save up money to hopefully travel to Italy for the Christmas season, to visit my extended family who I haven't seen in 6 years, despite getting very ill the last time I went there. Thank you so much for sharing!
    The waiting seems eternity
    a day will dawn of sanity.

  8. #8
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    thanks, im really glad you have made the decision to go to italy, let your hair down and really enjoy it! You have earned it so just tell yourself how much good this trip is going to do for you, by actually proving it to yourself that all the hard work is paying off!
    Well done!

  9. #9
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    Jul 2008
    Location
    Philippines
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    18

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    WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY OCD?
    friendship,
    elainne

  10. #10
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    obsessive compulsive disorder, where you feel compelled to repeat an activity, for me it was hand washing in a very excessive way

  11. #11
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    Jul 2008
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    Philippines
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    ah, thankz for that! well, so far i haven't experienced it yet [and i hope i will never experience such thing]....
    friendship,
    elainne

  12. #12
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    Jul 2008
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    United Kingdom
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    no im sure you will be fine! Just remeber to keep rational about all of your decisions, this phobia isnt a friend, you want a good life that you can be proud of, you will find it in you to be the person you need to be.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
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    Hi, 1234. Your story was AMAZING. when my anxiety spiked again last fall,
    i lost 15 pounds and was exhausted every day from laying on the edge of
    my bed every night, right next to my trash can, just preparing for anything,
    and finally falling asleep at around 4 in the morning and waking up every
    hour, in gripped in fear, to have it all start over again. I would love to talk to
    you more. can you e-mail me? thanks. Anyway, im 18 years old, and i've
    been emetophobic for 8 years. its getting harder every day.
    your story was really inspirational. It makes me think i have
    hope...someday.Edited by: savannah7165

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    11

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    Hi, 1234. Your story was AMAZING. when my anxiety spiked again last fall,
    i lost 15 pounds and was exhausted every day from laying on the edge of
    my bed every night, right next to my trash can, just preparing for anything,
    and finally falling asleep at around 4 in the morning and waking up every
    hour, in gripped in fear, to have it all start over again. I would love to talk to
    you more. can you e-mail me? thanks. Anyway, im 18 years old, and i've
    been emetophobic for 8 years. its getting harder every day.
    your story was really inspirational. It makes me think i have
    hope...someday.

 

 

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