insanely confused.

[xxxciwwaffles]

okay this might be a long post, so i thank those who read all of it ahead of time.


alright so starting back in mid-march earlier this year, my life has been a complete disaster. every week was something new, a new pain, a new problem, and something new to stress about. and from all of that my body has been taking a beating.

at the end of may i came home from school with a severe pain in the middle of my chest. i couldn't yawn, eat, or laugh. the minute i got home i fell aseep and when i woke up it was really hard to swallow, to the point when i swallowed my spit it'd come back up (sorry if thats a little much). when i woke up this morning i was really weak, and about an hour later it developed into severe nausea, like i've never experienced before. to the point where i was seconds from v*ing ad crying my eyes out to my mom telling her i couldn't do it. shortly after that i sat on the couch and possibly fainted (since after panic attacks i get really tired, but not to the point where i automatically fall asleep) so i woke up about an hour later. i wasn't nauseous anymore but i had so discomfort in my stomach, it wasn't pain, but it was annoying. so i spent the whole day starving myself. and i swear on that day, EVERYTHING looked good to me. so later that night i finally had somethng to eat. from then on i slowly started to feel better.


then two weeks later, my life was still throwing every bad thing it could at me, it was thursday and my mom had to go into her third surgery, which thankfully was the final surgery. that day my anxiety came back with a vengence and caused the usual nervous stomach and other digestive problems. that day and the following weekend were extremely stressful, i kind of feel like this triggered the sickness

its a lot to explain but the constant worrying about my mom dying became evident through out thursday combining with the anxiety i felt about the music festival i was attending that saturday. then, on friday the overwhelming emotions from the funeral and the music festival coming up the next day made me so anxious and scared. i didn't eat at all that day. but i did make a mistake when i drank coffee (which just aides to my nervous stomach and jittery-ness) so i continued to starve myself that day, but i did have to cups of water. so when i got home that night i started worrying about what on earth was wrong with me. i started creating crazy illnesses in my head thinking that the strange sensations underneath my right ribcage meant i need surgery or who knows what else could be wrong with it. then the saturday came the day of the music festival, i wasn't as anxious as the day before, but i still couldnt eat, i tried to eat but i had a strange sensation in my throat that had a kind of a tight feeling. so that scared me out of eating, which throws the energy i need for the all day festival out the window. so the day went pretty well except for around mid-day when i was completely shot from the 92 degree weather and 0 energy. i bought a lemonade slush type thing, that was a big mistake since it was pure syrup which made me feel worse. so through sets from Forever the Sickest Kids and Katy Perry i was sitting down in the heat trying to fight off the nausea. i started to gain my energy back. the rest of the day went absolutely amazing, when i got home i didn't feel any weirdness in my stomach or other digestive areas, but i was still afraid to eat. so then satruday i had to go to a car show in the extremely hot weather. i was so weak and nauseous from the heat. i just wanted to be OUT of there. so when i got home, i dont remember from then on acutally. but from that day to four weeks later i've felt all the random little pains, discomfort, odd sensations, tightness in my sides, weakness, muscle spasms in my right arm, dizziness, digestive problems, straining in my eyes, rapid heart beating, having every breath feel like a workout, and sleeping for long periods of time. so im sitting here four weeks later, worried, sick, scared, hopef

[wackydeli]

You've definitely had a lot to stress about, and that isn't good for your health at all. I know it's not easy but you should try to find some way to calm yourself down or teach yourself not to stress too much. I can't tell you exactly what to do since it seems to be different with everyone, but hopefully you can find what is best for yourself.

And it sounds like you're at the end of your rope, just ready to stop feeling sick and get your life back. Think of it this way: once you've hit bottom, there's only one way you can go ... up.

Good luck, keep us posted. We're here for any venting, ranting, or progress you want to share with us!