I've been doing the desensitization for the past few weeks with my therapist. Though we're only about halfway through it, I think I'm already starting to see some progress.
For example last week I went out to eat with my boyfriend's family. There was a little girl at the table next to us who at first glance I thought she was sick. She kept asking her mother to take her to the bathroom and kept hugging her and whining.
Rather than going into a panic and obsessing over whether or not she'd be sick, I decided not to make a big deal and just calm down and keep to myself. Sure enough the girl wasn't sick at all, just really annoying and bratty.
There are many other little triumphs like this that have been happening the past few weeks, including my own sister having a virus that gives her terrible cramping and d*. I haven't panicked at all, I'm not even worried about catching it.
The biggest thing though is that I am now considering trying to force myself to sit through and try to watch a v* scene on TV or in a movie. A few weeks ago I NEVER would have even considered such a thing, but now I feel like I may be brave enough to do it. I feel like I can force myself to watch it and convince myself, there's nothing wrong with this, this is normal, nothing's going to happen to you, there is nothing scary about this.
This is very little progress if any, but even the smallest bits feel like a big success to me and gives me hope!
The waiting seems eternity
a day will dawn of sanity.