time to become part of the statistic

[kyle1989]

hi everyone.

first I'd like to say my name is kyle! and.. iv had emetophobia for as long as i can remember. I'll try not to repeat what most have said.

i am from the UK, and I'm 18 years old, i just realized writing this that i am 19 soon, which iv completely forgotten about because of the stress this problem brings.

i hate to know i have this phobia, personally, i wish i could swap it with another phobia. i (in my humble opinion) believe i have the worse version of emetophobia.. which is fearing YOUR SELF vomiting. i really struggle knowing i have this problem. its hard to beat i believe, i don't see how you can practice and slowly over come a phobia you cant actually see.. but impossible to avoid feeling.

i have only discovered this year that my problem actually had a name (which brought some relief , to know im not alone) but to also make me feel worried about lack of cure or convincing help!

has anyone tried or found anything to help, medications. rituals even.. has anyone found any websites and tried there support, the linden method anyone?

currently, i cant tell how severe or mild my emetophobia is. i think my pannick and fear level is quite high when it comes to actually feeling nausea, and possibly being sick.

iv had two periods in my life when this problem really over took me, at 15, i was 5 stone, because i had the worse feeling of nausea iv ever had so far in my life, i was so scared of feeling that way again, that i stopped eating for 3 weeks, and lost this weight, be for i could slowly start to eat again, and trust my stomach.

at that time i was housebound, all ways with anxiety, and did a lot of the things emetophobics do.

when i recovered to a good extent, i wasn't worried about going outside, or vomiting, or others vomiting (i don't really fear seeing others vomiting, unless i feel sick already, and iv eaten the same food they did that could have made them sick).

but i have never been 100% cured, iv only gained a normal weight, eat without problems, but i never conquered the problem fully, and definitely not socially. i still struggle to eat outside, or from other peoples food, and especially at tables with the pressure of "Finnish everything off the plate".

after having a recent case of mild-quite bad nausea, i have been put in the grips of emetophobia again slightly, but fortunately I'm okay right now, but not cured or happy with the fact i have this problem. now i know the name of this problem, and there is possible help, I'm determined to beat it, I'm sure its possible with enough determination.

iv not been on a plane or anything since my first major episode of this problem taking over, which was 2000-2001.

sorry that this is sucha long post, but i thought i would get everything out with my introduction.

im happy to talk to anyone about this problem, and vent to eachother, but remember to not get too negetive, it can make us worse right? thats why im not gonna read too much of everything on this forum.

thanks to anyone who took there time to read some, if not all of my post, thank you.

kyle [img]smileys/smilies_45.gif[/img]



Edited by: kyle1989

[x hannah x]

Hey Kyle

I'm also 18, also from the UK. Yay us

We're in the minority here, locality and age wise, so its always good to up the numbers.

I know what you mean about feeling like fearing yourself vomiting is the worst, because you can't run away from yourself. I'm actually scared of both myself and others being ill, especially considering you can't control other people actions, or read their minds to know when something might happen.

Anyway, welcome to the site

[kyle1989]

yes, that's exactly right, a phobia you cant run away from.

i was just curious, does anyone have a history or currently at the height of this problem, have a nausea consistency, when i lost all my weight, i had quite bad nausea everyday from whenever i woke up, till about 1pm.

and i wouldn't eat for the rest of the day, the chain did break for weeks, did anyone else suffer this?

glad to know your from the uk too.

i am in london. iv not met or known anyone else with my phobia, i guess this phobia is quite secretive, or well hidden :/

what aggravates me, is i cant tell if i feel nausea's or not (typical emetophobia problem with the stomach feelings)

and actually, a couple of months ago, i was vomiting, not large amounts, but 4 times, probably about mouth full amounts. it was alcohol, drank too much whiskey too quickly. but the experience wasn't terrifying! i was relieved, i believe it was because i didn't have nausea (or i couldn't feel it because i was drunk) and it occurred quite suddenly. i find if i am gonna throw up, and there is no nausea, or prolonged build up, and it just.. "occurs" i could deal with this problem sooo much more easier. but again, my fear came back quite quickly when i had a nausea episode recently, after the time i was sick
Edited by: kyle1989

[andee]

Hi Kyle and welcome...I used to have nausea due to anxiety and had to be hospitalized because I lost so much weight from being afraid to eat. It was all due to the fear of becoming ill. I would get that "butterfly" feeling in my stomach and ended up eating less and less. Now I can control the anxiety much better and am learning that most of the time it is only anxiety. Took a loooong time and lots of therapy but...Good luck and keep posting!!

[centipede]

Hi Kyle. You have found the right place. For many of us, it's the only place we can go where others understand our feelings, fears and quirks related to this phobia.

The constant nausea is common among us emets. I think it's partly due to the fear and partly due to a lack of food in your stomach.

Stick around and feel free to discuss your thoughts and ask questions.

[socitycourty]

Welcome, I'm rather new here myself.
I always think that I'm "nauseous". But, I dont eat very much either. It is a terrible cycle.
I hope you can find some support and comfort here.

[fish demon]

Hi Kyle,

I'm 20 and can relate to most of what you're saying, especially the non-eating parts. When I was 15 and 16 (when my phobia was at its worse), I would go days without eating because I was so terrified, and when I did eat it was just a few crackers or a piece of bread.

I definitely agree that this is one of the worst fears to have (although I'm sure everyone with a specific phobia says that about their fear, haha)... The hardest part is that because nausea/gastric distress is a part of the typical anxiety response, the terror turns into a vicious circle and just feeds into itself. It's like we are literally afraid of fear itself.

As mentioned above, in contrast to other fears, we generally can't get away from what is triggering the fearful reaction in us. It would be like if an arachnophobe saw a spider, and when they got scared more and more spiders were thrown onto them the more scared they got. It's really horrible.

I was so happy when I discovered the fear had a name and there were other people on this planet who understood the way I felt.

[jkl81]

Hey your story sounds familar Kyle, could apply to me or a lot of the others here. Please don't give up, when you're at the height of your fear, it can't stay that way forever. I've never been hospitalied but I've been in really bad shape a time or two. Right now is not great either but I hope its getting better!

[kyle1989]

thank you for all your replies.

i understand the nausea consistency, i was fortunate enough to get back up on my feet and start eating again. but i know how it feels, the anxiety, in my case i was scared about how little i was eating, and how much i weighed, i thought i was going to die. i considered living on fruits, as i found them easier to eat.

if anyone is still going through what i went through everyday, please, make sure your at least drinking WATER. that is important! even if you need to drink as slow as possible, just make sure you sip some. and if this can help anyone.. the first thing i was eating the most of, to start eating again, was bread. carbohydrates, and stuff like fruit. pasta, all that kind of stuff. i stayed clear from greasy/fatty foods like bacon n such. those foods can make you feel nausea. im not sure if its just a myth, but apparently bread, (if you eat it everyday kind of thing) expands the size of your stomach. and after hardly eating, your stomach seems to shrink. when i was trying to eat more, i actually was drinking "nourishment" because they provide as much nutriments as a meal. but these are filling, and take away your appetite. your appetite is the most important step in eating again, if you can relieve your anxiety down enough. my doctor told me the nourishment was keeping my appetite away, after i stopped drinking those, i realized i had an appetite, and i was able to eat more. i don't mean to patronize anyone, especially those who have recovered from this stage of consistent nausea (and not eating at all) but i thought i would write about how i got better, to help anyone who needs it. finally i would say, to help ur appetite, try and eat things you feel like eating, even if it is greasy, then eat it. eating something you feel like eating helps a lot. but i steered clear from greasy foods, fast food places etc. and i would avoid looking at the scales everyday (if your scared and worried about how much you weigh) i did this everyday about 3 times to see if i was putting weight on again. well it took me about a year or 2 to get my weight back, but try not to do things that will make you anxious.

i hope what i wrote will help anyone.

thanks. Edited by: kyle1989

[xmdslatx]

I feel nauseas a lot.I have started to get headaches everyday now.I just have a general feeling of blah-ness.
It's quit frustrating.

I think I am going to start drinking "Boost" a supplemental drink so hopefully, even though I still take vitamins, I will get all the necessary vitamins I need.

The only way I can eat fruits or veggies is if I grow them myself so I better get started on that.

But I defiantly think that if I didn't get nausea so easily, I wouldn't be so worried all the time.
Right now I am trippin because I ate meat for the first time in weeks but I checked the meat three times so I am trying to blank it out.

The only good thing out of this whole thing is weight loss lol.


Does anybody ever get the feeling once in a while that it would be ok to v*? sometimes (not often) I just get a feeling like "if I v* right now it wouldn't be big deal"?
Edited by: xmdslatx

[mxw08]

Yes! To what xmdslatx wrote above. That happens to me all the time and sometimes I think "It would be okay, it would almost even feel good." That's when I'm not nauseated though. I honestly think what we're most scared of is nausea, which is sort of ironic I suppose since vomit is a kind of nausea relief. I agree with what Kyle said in the beginning, that this phobia is awful because you can't run away from it, and the more you're afraid of it, the more it is brought into your life, which makes the fear worse, which makes the anxiety worse. It's a truly vicious cycle.

I think all the time what kind of random stupid phobia is this? Why one earth couldn't I be deathly afraid of something normal like heights?

I was talking to my cousin about this the other day, and she actually is deathly afraid of heights. She was talking about a time she was on a hiking trip and had to just work through it and do it anyway, but it didn't really help because I think it's different. For one, I think one of the most awful parts is that there's a substance involved. And also, it was her decision to just go ahead, with this it presenting itself brings with is a total loss of control. Ugh, it's just an awful and stupid fear. I'm sure all of you can relate and agree.

I also agree with Kyle that I don't really know personally anyone else with this. Although actually, my mom's friend's son has it. I do know him I suppose... but not well enough to even bring it up. I thought that was funny when I found out, I was sort of fascinated. That was before I found this website.

Anyway! Long post. But yeah, awful fear. My best friend is deathly afraid of passing out, and I think she comes to the closest to being able to understand, since she has the same thing of the more you're afraid of it the more it presents itself, since anxiety attacks often make you feel light-headed and like you're blacking out.

I never had the constant nausea thing, or any eating problems at all until this last summer, and it took me forever to realize that I wasn't actually sick. It's getting better now, but I never want to get that low again. I still have trouble eating regularly... mostly I feel safe with carbs, I don't know why, but I know I really need to eat fruits and vegetables as well.

So yeah... it really is just all quite awful. I'm very grateful for the support this website provides! I usually only use it when this phobia is really affecting me. I discovered it two years ago I think, but never really posted anything until it got so bad this last summer, and now I post all the time! Haha! Sorry, really long post. But yeah, thanks everyone! And good luck!Edited by: mxw08

[1234]

the only advice I can offer you regarding a cure or a way out of this phobia is that first of all, stop asking why you have it. Your unique and thats life, things can always be worse trust me. Second is to work out whether you actually like having the phobia, sounds odd but im sure most of us would agree deep down, this can be a very comfortable place to be. You have no control over getting ill coz thats life, however you have control over how extreme the emetaphobia is. I know, coz I played that game for almost 11 years. Its sometimes too scary to give it up.
I too have a fear of myself being sick, I am recovered but il always be afraid. You need to understand that its hard to unlearn behaviour so try and accept that being afraid of being sick is part of you bein you, the important part is too bring it back down to a manageable, livable level where you can function. That bit comes from you, no tablets are gonna let you learn how deal with yourself. Itl go, just try.

[kyle1989]

the only advice I can offer you regarding a cure or a way out of this phobia is that first of all, stop asking why you have it. Your unique and thats life, things can always be worse trust me. Second is to work out whether you actually like having the phobia, sounds odd but im sure most of us would agree deep down, this can be a very comfortable place to be. You have no control over getting ill coz thats life, however you have control over how extreme the emetaphobia is. I know, coz I played that game for almost 11 years. Its sometimes too scary to give it up.
I too have a fear of myself being sick, I am recovered but il always be afraid. You need to understand that its hard to unlearn behaviour so try and accept that being afraid of being sick is part of you bein you, the important part is too bring it back down to a manageable, livable level where you can function. That bit comes from you, no tablets are gonna let you learn how deal with yourself. Itl go, just try.

thanks, i appreciate your advice, but i have been funcitioning normal, im not scared to go school, or outside, i dont have panic attacks around people or socially.

i do live, but there are things i avoid because of this phobia, e.g. rides, some travels, restraunts, and some other things.

i do think out of the box, and there is no way in hell i am happy i have this phobia, i feel insulted by that consideration.

iv lived like that for the last 6 years, but im tired of living with it at all, i'm tired of coping with it, i want the problem out of my life

my problem holds me back from a lot of things.

all i know, is i am a living prisoner of my worry of the next time i will feel sick, i hate it so much, i shake like a leaf when i feel sick. as well as obviously panic.

i don't want to depend on meds, but i will use them if i have to to help reassure or cope with it while i try and beat it.

[harmonygirl72]

I don't think you should feel insulted by 1234's consideration. It sounds weird, but it's true. Most of us deep down like the phobia, or else we would be working harder to get rid of it. It sounds completely crazy, I know, but I am sure to some extent I am the same way. Good luck to you in finding help!

[kyle1989]

i don't think its weird, i think its weird some one can suffer from a phobia, and be glad they have it. that doesn't make sense. i know i definitely ain't happy i have this phobia, it doesn't give me any gain, it gives me less.

can you tell me how we can work harder to beat it, so i can actually beat it?

if your going to say- face our fear. in this case of the phobia, i don't think it really works.

i'm offended if someone thinks i enjoy this bstrd of a phobia.

[harmonygirl72]

I just don't think you understand what we are saying. We are in no way saying you ENJOY the phobia. No one does. Just that in some weird way, we have found comfort in it. Perhaps we use this phobia to avoid something else scary in our lives, perhaps it helps us in some other way. I would say to get over your fear, you need to start with really good therapy. Work at it and work at it until it goes away. Don't give up!!

[kommes]

I really don't know where to begin. This thing actually has a name..I have been feeling this for about 6 years now. While reading Kyle's story I felt like I was reading my own life story. Even I weighed 5 stones when I was 15. It was really bad in the first couple of years. I would go days without eating anything. Those days I didn't even know what exactly I was afraid of. I thought I wanted to avoid crowded places or parties. But the underling reason was that I was afraid I would puke in front of all those people. As years went on I got more confident and I do have periods where I feel reasonably fine eating with others or in the public without having to fear I would throw up. But still there are days I feel terrible.

For me, I only fear that I would throw up. I don't actually freak out if someone else throws up. I believe that this started when I was younger after I had a couple of really embarrassing situations. I was at my class mate's birthday party and for some reason while eating I threw up in front of everyone. I made a mess. Years later this happened again. After this I get absolutely panicked if i have to go and eat at a friends place or at any other public place. I avoided restaurants, parties and trips for months during the beginning of this phobia.