Alright! So, I made a decision months ago to suck it up and go to the formal, as I've always stopped myself from going places because of this phobia and my overall anxiety when it comes to being around people.
I've spent weeks telling myself everything will be fine, and if anyone gives me greif, I'll attack 'em. [img]smileys/smilies_11.gif[/img]

However, >_< as of Monday, I got my monthly 7 days late, have been starting to get migraines and haven't been wanting to eat very much at all.

I'm starting to think that maybe it's a sign telling me, DON'T YOU DARE! go to this formal! Just be your usually anti-social, geeky self and get your nose stuck in a book all night. This is starting to sound most appealing; but I don't want to let my friend down. I'm supposed to be showing up at the formal with her as her date. [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

But I know that if I do show up, I'll probably be worried the whole night (end up feeling n*); with some good ol' teenager hormones thrown into the mix, feeling miserable because of my monthly, being picked on by my peers (because I'm that person that's always getting targeted in my year, well, one of them. Lol. I'm 'the strange one' everyones freaks out over). And the fact that I will have to eat the 3 course meal there is sending me into a panic (I'm also a vegetarian, and whilst I chose the vegetarian option, most people seem to throw in some meat anyway, not realizing that vegetarian excludes seafood as well - so my phobia is sort of winning out on the panic scale on this one.)

And I'm doing all of this so that I can make my friends happy. I've never really had to consider how my decisions for myself affect those around me, because I've never really functioned within a team or group. I make decisions that will affect me and me alone, and I feel horribly guilty when-ever I make those decisions now that I've established a group of friends for myself. Lol

Or I can choose not to go, and worry about the wrath that I will endure the next day from my friends. I doubt they will speak to me and if they do, it will be nothing but pure hatred. No-one will understand how I feel or felt because they don't believe I could freak out that much about anything. I guess they just think I'm mentally weak.

Btw, the formal is tomorrow; I'll have to wake up at 6am just to get to school at 8, because during the day, I will have to be 'Peer Support Leader' to the children coming from primary school into highschool and do the grand tour of the place, play games, run around etc etc. Before rushing home, getting ready and heading back out to the formal.

There just seems to be more and more reasons not to go that extends beyond my actual phobia, and I can't help but think it's a little more than a coincidence. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

/end rent. Heh. ^^;;
Thanks for listening, lmao, if you actually got through all of that, you're a saint.