NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BAD!!!!!!

[driftinggoddess]

I hate this feeling
i hate this fear
i just want to die.

I wish i would, so i wouldnt have to live through this and deal with this anymore..
there is a thing called the suicidal pill i wish i had some. i dont want to live through this anymore, its too hard to deal with its too stressfull im going to have ulcers by 30 i sware!

i try to brainwash mysself by saying there is nothing wrong with V*, its ok to V*, I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SCARED, AND YET.. im still scared.

right now as we speak im a little shaky, crying, im still nervouse about getting the SV from the exposure. in 2 it will be 72 hours since i walked into that apt. , and in 5 hours it will be 72 hours since i left their place..

[dipbomb]

i understand. im sitting here hysterical bc i am SO n* right now and its not nervous n*, its "im gonna v* any minute" n*. i v* about 2 weeks ago but it wasnt bad cause i didnt have much in my stomach. but i ate chinese food before bed and im having d* and i have that v* feeling, just like i did 2 weeks ago. and im so so scared. i dont know whats wrong with me and why i feel like i have to v*. i know i'll feel better if i do but im hoping i'll just wait it out.


i never feel normal anymore. i feel sick everyday and i can't take it. you arent alone driftinggoddess.

[jkl81]

Drifting...I agree with Sage, you really need some help. I don't say that to be judgemental, but becuase I'm worried about you from the desperate tone of your latest posts and mentioning death. Please remember you have that 15 month old daughter that depends on you and has no idea why you might one day be gone..., please it does get better! Amelia, I feel like I know what you're going through. Last year around Christmas time ('07) I v*ed for the first time in almost 11 years. For anybody who wasn't emet, it would have been a big nothing, a blip if anything...but it set me back, I was constantly feeling sick. I hit rock bottom in the summer, but I'm still nowhere near normal. It just makes you feel so vulnerable, but sooner or later you'll begin to trust your stomach again slowly but surely.

[xmdslatx]

I know how you feel.I am not living an ideal life and the situations in my life only make it 100 times worse.it is pure hell.

i figure, i have been strong enough to make it this far, perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel(and im not talking about death lol)

also, i wouldnt trust anything like a "suicidal pill".the last thing you would want is to take that and become a veggi.

[teh folder]

driftinggoddess: When you say you want to die, are you thinking about doing anything bad?
If you are in danger of doing anything bad to yourself, - please let someone know. Please.

[kendall]

if you are in a state where you would put your self in danger,please call
911 or some emergency line

[loop-star]

Drifting....I'm new here and don't know you but hope you don't mind me trying to give you some advice.

I think all of us at some point in our lives have looked at ourselves and thought "whats the point? whats my life worth?"....
but you have a wee baby girl - thats the most wonderful thing in the world! and how unbelieably brave of you to be able to look your fear in the face and be strong enough and have a child! you're not weak - you're strong and you're a mum! look in the eyes of your baby girl and see how innocent and sweet she is. You made her and she needs you. She needs her mum to be there for her...to teach her how to walk and then to run. To bring her to school and watch as she makes her first friends....to stand in the background as she dances or sings on stage...or plays netball or basketball or hockey with her friends.....to be there as her pillar of strength when her first boyfriend breaks her heart and be there to help her pick her wedding dress.....

you have so many wonderful things ahead of you....some many happy times....you're allowed to be afraid and you're allowed to feel like you can't go on any longer. But you can.....you're strong - your baby girl is proof of that.

stay safe destiny.....may you find your inner strength again.

god bless