okay things are from bad to WORSE

[mbs730]

On my way to work this morning, I could have sworn I saw a corpse on the side of the road!! I dunno for sure, maybe it was a bum but it didnt look good. He was lying in a weird way and I could have even sworn I saw decay but maybe that is my mind playing tricks on me! I of course have been in a state of panic all morning, not concentrating on the work and I just feel awful. So soon I have to leave and there is no way I can go back that same route. I have to find another one but how do I know there wont be a dead body there too???? Better yet, I have to directly go to my parents' house since the lunch is being held there. Then I have to face my SIL!! Oh yeah I can just see where this day is heading to. I see a corpse (possibly) on my way to work and as soon as I get there, my SIL could v right in front of me, or better yet trip on me and v!!! I CANT TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS!!!!!

[Jenneh]

Miriam. i feel for you ok? i cant find ne words of advice right now -- im feeling rotton myself.


just want you to know that im tryin to send u positive vibes and keep going mate. whastever life throws at you - we can get thru it .


Jen xxx

[mbs730]

Sorry your having a rough time too. However my husband
once again is being as narrow minded as everyone else and I am
seriously thinking of calling around for a good divorce lawyer as of
tomorrow morning. I can try to make him see how this all affects me but
he just doesnt take it seriously. I cant deal with the lack of support
from him. I would rather be alone than to be married to someone who
doesnt want to give a damn. Its hard to say if the person was dead. I
forced myself to drive that way again, morbid curiosity I guess just
like you stare at v or someone who is sick... and on the side of the
road there were 2 cop cars. So either it was a corpse like a fear or it
was a bum loitering around the area. They dont always disclose this
stuff around here either. However I am just fuming at him and I am
tempted to just leave him now. I cant look at him, I cant even deal
with him right now. I dont want anything to do with the jerk.</font>

[Jenneh]

i can understand ur anger... i'd get frustrated too. infact i do, because my family are lke that.


i guess u do ahve a choiuce, and u can leave, but make sure its what u want and ur not just letting ur anger get the better of you. u dont want to be stuck alone, if its gnna make u worse.


Jen xxx

[mbs730]

Right now I dont know what I want to do.</font>

[Jenneh]

im in the same boat miriam. i have a choice, do i leave home, do i not?


its a big decision which will affect my whole life -- same as urs. just take it slowly. sleep on it, many times and dont rush into nething. things will work out in the end. and it wil just seem "right".


Jen xxxx

[mbs730]

Well at least I lucked out about one thing. I didnt have
to see my SIL today. It was wrong that I didnt show up but my family
didnt exactly want me screaming at my husband either and making a fool
of myself (always my fault btw that is how it is)</font>

[Jenneh]

you just gotta do what is gnna make getting thru a day easy fior you. stuff what neone else thinks, look after number one, you, first.


Jen xxx

[mbs730]

Because of this hell I am going through, I know I have
over-reacted about the divorce thing. I am just so sick of the emet,
and the other phobia is haunting me too and I am tired of it. I did
give him an earful, he did apologize and told me to take it easy for
the rest of the night while he took care of the kids and that is
exactly what I am doing now. However the bottom line is, I cannot be
married to someone who isnt going to be compassionate about what I am
going through and it shouldnt have to come to me yelling at him about
it. I see my stress management counsellor on Tues, too bad she cant
help me about the emet itself but maybe she can help me as far as
making my husband give more of a damn about what I am going through.
I'll try to let this one go with him but he better not screw up again.</font>

[sarahg]

Oh Miriam and Jen, I feel for you both. Sometimes I just want to run away, maybe if I was away from here and my other problems I would feel better and my phobias would not take over my life. Deep down thoughI know that regardless of where I am my phobias would raise their ugly heads again at some time.


I am so sorry I cannot offer you both a solution - only wish I knew how to get over this phobia myself. I agree with you Jen, don't rush into anything, sleep on it first. I have days when I just want to run away ortake my frustration out on my family. I then sit down and think about the times when I have been less than sypathetic towards them and their feelings - they must have felt just the same as I do. I don't know if your counsellors can do anything to help - it may be that your husband does notunderstand &amp; may feel frustrated that he cannot help you.


Take care to both of you.

[mbs730]

Ahh its okay. You know what, until this all gets sorted
out, things just wont change. It would be good to have a therapist that
can help me and I can get my husband to sit in on a session, maybe it
will widen some of the narrow areas of his brain.</font>