My boyfriend smokes GET OVER IT

[miralexa85]

gonegonegone

[paulinek]

ahh it's reallytough when you're family don't approve of your choice in men, but it sounds like they don't have a problem with HIM, more his habit. I'm sure they are only worried for your health - and with good reason - and are not doing it to p*ss you off or make you angry, although that is exactly the effect it's having.

If you don't like the smoking either, then why not have a chat to him and see whether he would consider giving up, not to please your family but just for his own health?

There's 3 things that can happen - he could agree, in which case it's happy days all round, he'll agree to think about it, in which case you can tell your family that, which might get them off your backs for a bit, or he'll say no, then it's up to you to decide what you want to do and tell your family that that's how it is and that you appreciate their concerns but you have made your decision and are sticking to it.

I used to live with a smoker who refused to give up and went through exactly what you are going through with my family,who were proved right in the end as i suffered no end of chest complaints which stopped after i left him, and he ended up having an emergency triple heart bypass which the surgeon said was a direct result of smoking, and while it wasn't the reason i left him in the end i was so glad to be away from it, and when i met my fiance, he smoked and right from the start i told him i didn't like it and he gave up! It's the best thing he's ever done for himself and i'm glad he did it for me too. (plus it was triple brownie points with my mum [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] )

Sorry if i sound like your mum too! I don't mean to and I know exactly how you are feeling. I hope you can sort things out so that everyone including you is happy.

Edited by: paulinek

[miralexa85]

gonegonegone

[classycaro1]

I'm sorry your family is stressing you out that way. It must be really tough, I'm sorry. I know that I worry about how my family perceives my boyfriend. I feel very lucky that they like him and I can't imagine how frustrated I'd be if they didn't.

About the smoking:
My mom smoked for several years and it caused a lot of problems between our family. She said she'd love to quit but it also made her feel calmer and she was going through a really stressful time, as her father had just died. She finally went to a doctor and he said "It's simple. Chew Nicorette gum." As I'm sure you know, Nicotine is the leading, addictive ingredient in cigarettes. It's also the calming factor about them. Her doctor said that while Nicotine isn't necessarily good for you, chewing gum with it is better for you than smoking cigarettes with it, because the tobacco and smoke is what causes all the lung problems. Anyway, my point is that maybe he could try chewing the gum? My mom still chews the gum and it's like 7 years later. Her doctor said it was okay though....Idk. Perhaps you could run it by him?

I'm sorry if you think this is preachy, I didn't mean it to be. Just thought I'd tell you what worked for my mom...

[paulinek]

Good, I'm glad about that. Just because he smokes doesn't make him a bad person, it's an addiction he needs help with, the good thing is that he sounds open to the idea of giving up, and when the time feels right he will.

And I absolutely agree that having a high flying career type job like a lawyer or whatever does NOT automatically make you a better person, it's someones personality and morals etc that make them good or bad and he sounds a good guy to me.


I hope things work out for you and that he can somehow get the help he needs to quit - can you buy over the counter things there like inhalators and patches? x

[miralexa85]

gonegonegone